The Definitive Notebook

The Voice Within

2011-06-20T16:46:00.003+08:00

Listen...
Listen, I am alone at the crossroads,
I'm not at home in my own home,
And I tried & tried
To say what's on my mind
You should have known

Oh...
Now I'm done believing you,
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what,
You made of me,
I followed the voice you think you gave to me

But now I gotta find... My own...
My own...

- Excerpt from Beyonce's Listen -

Remember this song that I always used to sing? How ironic these words resonates in me more than anything. Then, your voice has been my guide and eyes. I was blinded indeed. I followed every single words you told me. Until I don't listen to myself anymore. Now, I have found my own voice.

You should have listened.

You fcuked me the day I needed you the most. For this, I will not forgive you for the rest of my life. - Eddee Aw

Weekend Sexcapades

2011-06-19T18:15:00.000+08:00

YOU MAKE ME FEEL BRAND NEW.

A Blind Faith

2011-06-05T00:27:00.008+08:00

This could jolly well be the perfect opportunity for me to contribute the going-ons in my life, albeit in a nutshell. Well, the first half of 2011 has been one frenzy ride. It's been nothing but impetus at best, disallowing me the chance to engross myself on the moving and still landscape around me. Life moves forward at an unprecedented velocity.

I have just got out of a fairytale-land type of relationship. Something that I thought to be one almost perfect coupling, in the end became exactly what it is, a beautiful dream being demented and broken by the glaring gleam of morning sunrise.

I am compelled to contribute the woebegones of my failed relatonship. But somehow, there is only so much words can express - nothing brings back the past like what it used to be. I want to use my blog as a platform to communicate the pent up emotions pertinent to my partner, and having the unimpeded prerogative to be vocal towards whatever that has transpired or what my partner has done to our relationship.

The relationship may have lasted all of THREE months, but we have utilised these pivotal months to fully comprehend the characteristics and imperfections of one another. I moved in with the partner - whom I shall label, Aw, expeditiously days into our relationship. It was something like being caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. I took the plunge and practised blind faith because there was no doubt in my heart and mind, that Aw could just be that someone I could grow old and die with. It was like my life was coming full circle.

The number of days we were together wasn't really a valuable digit to begin with. It was more on the quality of the relationship that rendered me so much invaluable life & love lessons. You should really try to live with your partner and never leaving his/her side even for a day to understand me. There are always new things to discover about each other. There were the struggles that we faced, happiness we'd shared, storms that we went through - in retrospect, the beautiful and ugly faces of being involved in a relationship.

Aw is really a wonderful soul. I grew quickly in the span of three months than i prolly ever will in a year. I was taught the very real situation of being independent, learning to be self-sufficient, understanding another human being at a close proximity, experiencing the 'married' life, how to be selfless and to think for two, and that whatever course of action I may take, I have to remember I have a partner to think of, provide, and live for. I am truly glad for this encounter. But God thinks it's enough experience for me to assimilate into my life, hence Him pulling me out of this altogether.

The only discontent and question that will prolonged its residency in my mind will be how people can change at a drop of a hat. Aw had professed so much love for me, the vows of being together forever and the promise of a fruitful relationship. What do you make of these play on words which does not mean anything when couples break up? Where were the golden whispers and emotions deluge for the one they used to love? Does that mean it was just words of the moment, that has no valid content now that we've seperated?

Aw may have left me, but that does not mean I have to cease loving him too. Because I stand my ground and I am king of my words. My promise still stands pre or post relationship. I am only baffled at how people can change and still have the temerity to begin to hate someone he used to worship, when they were very much in love back then.

Honestly, there is only so much pleading I can do. I've tried to knock Aw back into reality and understand the magnitude of his decision. He claimed this is to seek happiness in the breakup. Our arguements intensified one month into the relaionship. I keep getting the brunt of his ire. I swallowed my pride and present him the liberty to launch tirades on me. I honestly don't know why he flips every time. I was told by my close friends that sometimes, when someone nags at you, that's because he wants you to change and to grow & learn from your mistakes. But I have this nagging suspicion that this could not be the case. Aw was just getting sick of me. Hence whatever things I do became an issue, and that to him warrants a steely reprimand.

I knew Aw had the reputation of being a perfectionist. I lament on his stubborness, defiance and a heavy dosage of ego - one that is never humble to say sorry, even when wrong. In a way of resolving things quickly before it escalates into a giant fireball, it was I who swallowed my pride and apologised even when I did not start the whole spectacle. It is pitiful when your partner cannot co-exist with your imperfections. There is no such thing as a perfect human being, 'cos beings like that exists only in heaven. I have really tried my utmost to adapt to his lifestyle, needs and wants. I had to neglect friends, family and my own life that I used to lead, just to be attuned to his ways. If i am able to sacrifice myself, I don't see why Aw could not accept me the way I am. Sure I have my idiosyncrasies. Habits that never dies and rituals that i probably could not change. Truly unfortunate Aw cannot be in harmony of my own brand of living.

Aw could be wasting his lifetime searching for that perfect being, which probably will never exist, one that even Prophets, are NOT.

It is a no-brainer. When someone loves you, imperfections are perfect in his eyes and he is willing to live side by side with them. Plus, he will never want to let you go, even after arguing with you consistently. We broke up cos Aw thinks it is stressful to be arguing everytime and that it is detrimental to his life. I can only add that it is ludicrous to even be thinking such. Married couples quarrel most of the time. Does that mean most marriages will breakup regularly just because couples cannot take the arguements with a pinch of salt? Wouldn't there be an influx of divorce rates if people were to behave that way?

Are arguements not a positive entity in any relationships? That's when lovers understand each other better, respective likes and dislikes, habits and behaviours, and a slew of defining moments. Someone chipped in with this morsel of advice - 'If there is no arguements in a relationship, then there is really something wrong with it. How are couples going to know what the other is feeling when everything is all impeccable?'. How truth bites.

I am only mourning on the sweetest moments shared between Aw and myself - one that we will prolly never get to experience again. Things have changed. He wants to move on and obliterate me from the shelves of his memory. I don't have the will to move him anymore. Or jolt him from his incongrous decision, which causes more damage than good. I have begged to be asked to taken back. I've talked insurmountable senses into him. Somehow, I stopped and calmly impart some advice to myself. Would you want a love based on conditional terms? Even if he does accept me back, it will be because of the one chance that if I ever screw up again, he has the rights to take it back. Do I want to be perpetually living in trepidation of walking on eggshells? Maybe a minefield best describes it. One wrong move and a wipeout beckons.

I am no longer miserable or bemoaning the tragedy of this fatal relationship. I will not claim responsibility for the breakup. It is not me. I have been faithful, loyal, kind, endearing, caring and deserving throughout the course of our union. It is him who has to stand trial. He needs to be counselled that he cannot keep breaking up with people just because they cannot be perfect in his eyes. If people do and try to change completely as told, then they would be hypocrites themselves, 'cos then they will be something and somebody they are not, just to fulfill the unreasonable expectations of their partners. I would hate to change just because someone wants me to.

I don't bear grudges against Aw, neither will I resent him. Afterall, he is claiming that he is susceptible to stress. Stress that will affect his life greatly if taken immensely of it. Stress which can render him irrational and exercise certain degree of repulsion to his partner, whom he thought to be the cause of it. Stress that he attributes to his age. Anger does not come with age my dear, it comes with the lack of control and perennial discontent with what life doesn't provide you with. You just need to be counting your blessings and be grateful to what's presented before you.

Somehow, I will be an ardent believer of this quote: -

''When God takes away something good, that's because He wants you to receive something better.''

Take care of yourself, Dear Aw. If fate has scribed that we are meant to be together, we will end up together at the end of the day.

You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me

2011-05-29T19:05:00.004+08:00

A Cerebral Conundrum

2011-01-16T16:13:00.011+08:00

Hustle to the back of the line. I am never gone.

I am invigorated. Essences of life has streamlined back into my veins. It is almost being resurrected and being brought back to life. Well truth is, i took a premeditated hiatus. Renouncing my existance thus taking a self-impose exile trip just to meander away whilst fathoming my true intent and purpose in life. I couldn't discover it in time. Now i am back on my own turf. Take a step back. Because i have returned. Let's get the blog rolling...

It hasn't exactly been a rosy road into 2011. A series of unfortunate events besieged me. One of which being the loss of my Iphone. It was stolen rather. Imagine how incredulous i had felt then. It is my first foray into negligence and i have never lost anything of colossal value. I was perturbed by the fact that it contained the multitude number of personal contacts, photos and videos, and perhaps my text messages between friends, at the risk of being explicitly shared with the perpetrator. Yes, i admit i have photos that smells of libertine proportions. Nude pics of Eddie Yusoff circulating in cyberrealm anyone?

I am praying and hoping the son-of-a-bitch gets apprehended soon enough. I am not anticipating the recovery of my Iphone, but should he gets the full brunt of the law, i would certainly want to press charges for theft. And to compensate me for the grief i have suffered. Just you wait.

I am beset with ideas and slew of ramblings that i have kept pent up since the last entry. I am determined to be vocal and if my journal emit semblances of tirade and indiscriminate remarks, who says i am going to be sorry for bearing the rights to my opinion and thoughts?

I covet for a hatelist. I want to persecute objects and people who infringe my beliefs and
ideas of how things should be viewed. I have ingested enough displeasurable fragments of idiosyncrasies of people, to compel me to rant like a preposterous bastard. While we are at it, let's do a Top 30 list of Resentment Theory, the reinstatement of gritty bitch fits.

1. What is so OH-MY-FCUKING-GOD about Jill Marie-Thomas who won channel 5's OMG? She's truly OMG meh? The only OMG that flashes across my unsuspecting brain is how severely untalented she is. Period. I am still traumatised by her singing at the Floating Platform during the New Year's celebration.

2. I can just die when clubs play anthems by Bieber, Rihanna, Gaga, Akon, Kingston, Kesha, Perry & the works. You should see how terribly excited the minahreps and matreps were. So excited like they've just got a C6 for Mother Tongue at the N Levels. Or in sheer ecstasy like they thought the last episode of Totally Spies on okto was superb and rivetting.

3. Closeted local male tv personalities refuting claims of them being gay is so fcuked up. You're spotted you bitch. I can see through your maybelline foundation. You denying facts is like believing Singapore will flourish in the Olympics. Or winning Miss World/Universe pageants.

4. It's super-annoying when a family boards the mrt with several children in tow, then expect other commuters to be gracious to accomodate a seat to each one of them? Wah lau! My problem issit that you don't practice birth control? We pay to stand uh?

5. I cannot tahan people who eat Keropoks or cut their fingernails or couple locking lips in the bus. Plus, can you imagine, a chinese lady was eating peanuts from a packet and suka-suka threw its shells on the floor of the bus the other day! Ah soh uh, you think this is a funeral wake in Ghim Moh?

6. To the friendly bakery aunty, no pork no lard does not mean it's halal can? I am not going to buy your ham with floss bun.

7. Can local radio seriously stop playing Mariah Carey songs even just for a day? I hear it everytime when i was in the office so much that my reason of resignation reads: Mariahtillitis syndrome.

8. I don't like Justin Bieber. He is a confused white girl. And Miley Cyrus is irritating. She is a confused white girl. They both CANNOT sing.

9. Facebook games/applications are super annoying. Please don't ask me to play along in your silly Cityville or Farmville games. I have no time to send you a cow, corn or chicken. Don't send me your requests for hugs and kisses too bitch!!!

10. What is it with people who adds you in Facebook, then weeks later blatantly remove you from their friends' list? What is wrong with you, bitch? Relax la, i ignored you 'cos i don't see myself going out with you. You want me to vomit while having dinner with you?

11. Students in school uniforms engaging in embraces at the void deck is a major turn-off. Can you imagine? The boy will go ''Oh baby, i love the smell of your bata shoes. Your Disney-print bra is so sexy. I think your knee-length skirt is giving me an orgasm.'' Girl: ''Oh baby, i love your scrawny iron-board body. Can we trade our Pokemon cards already? Also, i love your Ben 10 schoolbag, b.''

12. Channel 5 showing Harry Potter movie series 976 times per year.

13. Why is it some women still brush their handbags back and forth for like 600 times just to get their ezlink cards detected at the scanner when alighting from the bus? Next time i see you do that, i will just kick you from the back. I don't have the whole of Tuesday morning to watch your circus act, you clown.

14. I don't like the Seziri Sezali and Sylvia Ratonel combo. What is this? A KFC buddy package meal? Why is it for every shows they will always be featured alongside each other? Got discount meh?

15. Boys who dresses/wants to be like girls on the pretext of being members of an androgynous vogue dance outfit will only read DAYLIGHT TRANNIES. What different are you from the streetwalkers when dusk sets in?

16. I still get this, after trying to reached for someone over their mobile - ''Them: hey you called?''. WTF. No i didn't call. I was possessed by the ghost of Emily Rose and calling you was undeliberate. Oh my what has gotten into me. Yeah right. You idiot.

17. At a local bubble tea shop, i was psychologically scarred when a China lady replies me - ''You want green apper green tee with perr?'' When i had to repeat what i wanted, she switches to mandarin with much dismay. Eh? Now i have to learn to speak mandarin? I just want to use the bubble tea straw, dip into my bubble tea, inhale the starchy ball pearls and spit the balls at her Sichuan face. Irritates!

18. I don't understand why women Indian expats would go jogging in glittery punjabi suits at the running tracks. What is this? An MTV for 'Khabi Khushi, Letchumi Here i Come?' Your gold designer sari is beautifully fluttering in my face goddammit.

19. Why am i still getting flyers and brochures despite having the latch in my letter box set to lock? Singpost, i am going to man-punch your postman! You think i am a slut that you can anyhow insert into my hole?

20. A certain former political figure across the causeway with his incessant Singapore bashing is so 2005. You and your 15 minutes of fame. Get over it la, agong. Nine more years to Wawasan 2020 and you still have kampungs. Aiyoh.

21. I cannot stand anything made from China. Even if they are the first to create human clones.

22. I should make a mention about this to certain aspiring singer-wannabe friends. BEING AN ELIMINATED CONTESTANT IN A REALITY TV SINGING SHOW DOES NOT MAKE YOU A CELEBRITY. GET THIS IN YOUR HEAD YOU MORONIC DEMON.

23. I DON'T WANT a DVD player, GPS system, New Moon abalone, car vacuum equipment, hair dryer, portable dildo, botox filler set, sewing machine, queen-size bed, kitchen knives, samurai swords or fire-starter kits when i am buying petrol la AUNTIE!!! Stop asking me can? Just give me my green tea and my receipts or i set your Maggie Cheung perms on fire.

24. I hate pressing the lift buttons for ungrateful motherfcukers. Do i look like your friendly lift attendant from St. Regis? Where is your humanity?

25. China women hairstylists at the saloon CANNOT UNDERSTAND 'DON'T CUT MY SIDEBURNS'. Please bring along a recorder with mandarin translation, a braille book on hair styles, a bible, talisman, potions, rose water, garlics, voodoo dolls and every other exorcism materials. Like what possessed you to cut my sideburns so short like i got my haircut for free at Changi Prison?

26. The world will not end in 2012. Shut the fcuk up.

27. Getting stopped at road blocks and being subjected to vehicle and identification checks is NO fun. What have i got in my Suzuki Swift, Sir? 28 Myanmarese illegal immigrants or 52 Bangladeshi men stuffed in my bonnet that i've just brought home after a night out at Deskar? Or maybe you are checking me out 'cos i look like a pai kia from Toa Payoh? Eh, gangsters wear NUM t-shirt and shorts meh? Have i just came back from a gay rioting where a slutty gay boy died from razor-sharp fingernails and stab wounds by an Anna Sui eye-pencil?

28. Why do mother nature wreak havoc and natural disasters at the SIA walk-in interview at Suntec City recently? Seriously, a dude was spotted wearing green loose polo tees, while another was spotted wearing a vest and a fedora hat. THIS IS NOT A SINGAPORE IDOL AUDITIONS la, monyet. In case you cannot remember, we have already crowned a winner - Sylvia Ratonel. Wait, it's Sezairi. Aiyah same la. READ NO. 14. Now step out and walk towards the 2nd floor where the gadgets conventions are, you bloody geek.

29. Suicidal/Depressed/Lovelorn/Love-Dejected friends in Facebook who posts sorrowful and heartbreaking posts are super annoying. You are infiltrating my home wall with your stolen and borrowed 1986 song lyrics chorus line by Debbie Gibson or something. Need i remind you why your bf/gf/grandma/mistress left you, you psychotic moron?

30. Fat people CANNOT wear v-neck tees. What am i? A contestant in a TV game show playing spot where your neck is? Let the lumps of blobs breathe under the cotton buddy. You look like an Asian-made condom made for caucasian d**ks.

THE EVOLUTION

2010-12-25T04:00:00.003+08:00

This is what i have worked so hard for. Transformation is almost complete. Never thought i'd feel this awesome about myself. Changes come when the body, mind & soul wants to make a difference. Dream it to own it. Nobody can make it happen but yourself. And you can. - E. Y

To Love Again

2010-12-22T00:45:00.005+08:00

It was purely unintended. We were both looking for something else. But destiny had a plan. I was never looking for you. You weren't expecting me either. And i fell in love.

You captivated me in ways i've never felt before. The innocent look and twinkle in your eye melted me each time i stole glances at you. That smile was as beautiful as the sunrise. It softened me i swear.

I may not know much about you right now, but i somehow can figure what and who you are. And my heart tells me you could be the light i was dying to see. Any minute ray of light will suffice. Because i was incapacitated at my darkest moments when you make your shine turn into hope. A hope that made me rise after my fall. Hope that every tomorrow will be a brand new day. And that one hope to tell me that i could love again.

I am possibly the most complex human being to handle. My ego has set this fortified walls around me. It will take a fighter to break down these walls & discover who i really am behind myself. You didn't do all of that. You merely had to walk around these walls to reach for me. I took your hands and now we are fighting to make this work.

I know it is in the infancy stages of this relationship. But i am willing to let this develop into something beautiful. I don't know about you, but i really care for you. I just wanna tell you that you have stole my heart. I want to be able to say those three words before i don't get a chance to.

Trust me. I am putting in effort to make this happen. Any little chance i get, i will aspire to win you over. I don't know why i am caring this much for you. And why i am eager to find my way into your heart. I hope every little things i do will make a difference. Something that you will remember me for a long time.

I love the tender kisses. I love the warm embraces. I love the electrifying stares. I love holding on to you. I love your heartwarming smiles.

And...

I LOVE YOU - I. H.

NEVER BEEN GONE

2010-10-29T00:14:00.005+08:00

BIGGER. BOLDER. BETTER.

I'M BACK.

Paint The Sky With Stars

2010-08-09T15:48:00.001+08:00

Happy 45th Birthday Singapore... MM Lee Kuan Yew, this is a special tribute post for you... :)))

Catching The Sunlight

2010-07-05T18:43:00.011+08:00

The sabbatical is over. It has been almost a month since my last entry. With a heavy head and a heavier heart, i have left behind the first half of twenty-ten. There were times i wished i would grow quickly and sail towards adulthood, and there were also times i hope age does not catch up on me.

It is almost cringe-worthy. The 80's babies are turning 30 soon. Frankly speaking, i have this niggling feeling and apprehension on hitting the ghastly figure. But it's inevitable. Shucks. I am still a care-free bachelor, i have yet to embark on a steely career & i am nowhere ready to start a family of my own.

An epiphany hasn't dawn on me yet. After all, isn't it better to live a day at a time? I will just take whatever life puts on my plate.

Moving on..

My 27th birthday in August will dawn on me soon, and i have hatched several plans of sorts. Call it resolutions if you may. I have harboured desires to acquire a great body of art, maintain an ideal weight and keep my food intake under strict surveillance. I am definitely somewhere right as i am typing this, but i hope i can achieve my goal by my impending birthday.

I am holding on to my dreams in appearing in men's fitness magazine, or getting my body featured in The Sunday Times Hot Bod Series. Honestly, whatever effort i am putting in are those of aesthetic purposes. I live to look good. Because my confidence will not glister if i am insecure on how i look, which in turn affects me a great deal cos then i won't feel good. Eddie's gotta shine. Best believe, man.

I have prepetually spoken of my wish to obtain a degree by the time i hit a certain age. That too, isn't far-fetched since i already have a Diploma in my bag. However, i am more concerned of graduating from poly for my part-time studies. It will be a perilous journey but i am adamant to ace my studies without being afflicted by the woebegones of life trials, relationship issues and the battle with my inner demons.

NUS, NTU... Please accept my application in Four-Five years time. :)

I am currently beset with friendship issues. You know, the ordeal of standing in the battlefield of dodging assaults of jealousy, hypocrisy, backstabbing and the works. I mean, we've been through the sum and parts of it through our secondary school years. I am sure we are way classy and streetsmart for any form of altercations and hate. Why are you guys giving me dramas and soap operas at this age?

I have possibly lost a few friends along the way for one reason or the other. Which, by no means whatsoever my fault. I am generally okay with ditching lifelong bonds with people, if i ever find out i am being disrespected & treated unjust.

To the friends departed, i care NOT that you'd walked out on me. Don't hate just because i look good for myself now. Don't hate 'cos i am educated. Don't hate 'cos i've dated, bedded and netted hotstuffs. Don't hate because of my personality. Don't hate 'cos i got class. And don't HATE 'COS I AM DOING BETTER THAN YOU.

I am currently seeing someone right now. This person stole my heart and i am fondly attached, almost like i never want to let go. But we are overwhelmed with hitches and snags at this very moment, and it gets harder to reaffirm and pledge your undying love for that person everytime we are broken open by circumstances and episodes of misunderstandings.

Maybe it rings true to a certain degree that it takes weak moments for a relationship to grow stronger. But how many times can a heart be fixed once shattered? I , however, heal by trust. And i hope this person can respond in similar fashion. It will continue to do so until there will be no more reason and glue power, left to hold the mantle of love together.

Ok, i am fawning over something spectacular. I am dying to get my hands on the new Iphone 4. I am absolutely bowled over by the sophistication and how technologically, it incorporates the wisest features a handset should have. I am primarily smitten by the 5-megapixels camera, because a camera whore like me, relies on good photography and camera works.

The Iphone may be overrated and a common sight nowadays, but the wonders of Ipod, mobile Facebook and the gargantuan number of applications will make one never to get their hands off their Iphone. It really can keep you busy to ends. I might just save up quick enough to buy me one, since my birthday looms around the corner.

Back to this fantastical life that i am leading, i want to get my act together and for a long while, do something worthwhile for my life. I am expressing desires to return to the Police Force. I have resigned almost TWO years ago from the organization - with concrete reasons in doing so. You would have to read my previous posts on why i left my security blanket.

I am now almost ready for a comeback. It may not necessarily be putting my best foot forward and be performing crime-busting acts - it could also be in any other Government sectors. I will settle for no less than a Government's job and indeed, i am putting my head through the door and knocking on it until someone opens. I want my thrice-yearly bonuses, my subsidised medicals, my 12-hour shifts, my Police cards, documents and affiliations, my awards, my authority and privileges and yes, the Glam factor that encompass.

Life is nowhere perfect but i am enthralled by the different routes i have to take. After all, it gives me an ideal opportunity to explore my options and decisions. I have grown to understand the mechanics of life and i am unafraid to fall. Because without falling, i will never know where my weaknesses are. And to be perfect is almost a Saint, which none of use mere mortals are.

Until the next entry - Keep on discovering, learning and growing. Cheers. :)))

I LOVE EU, baby R.

Body Language

2010-06-07T17:34:00.001+08:00

Love Was Not Made For Us

2010-05-25T19:41:00.001+08:00

Dato' Siti Nurhaliza - Beradu Di Khayalan

A beautiful love song, which i am dedicating to the people whom i used to give my heart to. We have moved on and may be leading our own lives now, but the memories will never be obliterated.

Thank you for writing a chapter in my life story.

LOVE - Eddie Yusoff

BROKEN OPEN

2010-05-23T01:21:00.001+08:00

YOU BROKE MY HEART.

Letter From Your Royal Highness

2010-05-20T01:32:00.006+08:00

Dear Folks,

Almost half of 2010 is gone. And i am nearly ashamed to concede my blog posts has been nothing but languorous. I do have stories and daily events to put forth, but i am frankly feeling lymphatic of late.

I am trying to get my groove back on. I want to paint and flourish my blog with more hues of controversies, scandalous issues, raise far more objectionable topics, share juicy & worthy nuggets on my daily life, bitch about other people's life, infringe into the business of others and set out to create ripples and reverberation from the society, general public and humankind as a whole.

I am not proud to say my blog has afflicted a heap deal of anguish on some. My personal tirade against people who does not align with my beliefs and opinion raises more than eyebrows. Some readers do get antagonized so much so that my blog has been flagged several times.

But. It is my prerogative to transmit whatever thoughts i deem fit. A blog is a personal domain. Interestingly, it also belongs to the netizens and the cyberspace community who also has access to trawl one's online diary.

I am not complaining. Read at your own peril. I am not going to change my style to be in sync with your noble opinions and thoughts. Because i am not going to let you hear the things YOU WANT to hear. You should hear the things I WANT to tell you.

And if i had to change myself the way you want me to, then it will be hypocrisy at best. Then i won't be myself and living my life the way i want it. That would be living the life you want me to.

I don't quite relish in the flattery and immense popularity votes in Facebook.

I find it vexatious and perplexing when people add me and subsequently probe into my sexuality. It is somewhat a violation of ethics. Because i know i will never add someone and promptly enquired on what sexual roles he/she plays. For my case, it's almost always a top or bottom question.

Admittedly, i have posted a few moderately salacious pictures of myself. Wittingly or otherwise. But it is not an invitation to saunter into my profile and quickly distinguish me as someone accessible.

I will appreciate it if people could give warm introductions and progressively cajole me into taking things further in a MODEST manner.

Apart from that single grouse, i have fostered good relationships with many others, some of which who have went on to become buddies. I am generally alright with random people taking a stab at getting acquainted with me, but i hope a fine line can be drawn.

And have i explained myself why my short bio reads - 'I don't like ugly people?'

Sincerity will triumph above all. If i get people who are not deterred by my loathsome quote, and adamant about breaking the barrier and stepping over the boundary that i've set, all in the name of wanting to know me better, then i would welcome them with open arms.

Well, i hope this unfortunate series of event can be safely wrapped up and stashed somewhere in distant memory.

A change is gonna come right here. While i am working hard at overhauling my blog with a more fresh, vibrant, scintillating look, and heavy on photos and noteworthy issues, i want to thank you for your visits for now.

We've taken this ride together and time to get on the far more joyful ones, in the coming attractions. God bless.

THANK YOU.

It's Worth The Wait

2010-05-13T00:20:00.002+08:00

Await For My Fabulous New Entry With Patience & Anticipation

Rise of Hope

2010-04-21T12:57:00.008+08:00

I am definitely wiser now. I have matured so much over the last year and can't help relisihing the vantage of my precociousness with humility, intrepidity and gratefulness.

The many wrong turns that i had taken has ingrained valuable life experiences, rendered skills and made me realised the strength i never had in me.

I swear by the adage of finding one's strength in their weakest moments. Because we tend to seek, prayed and hoped for insurmountable strength to put us through the storm.

I have to learn to look ahead, look out for myself , look outside the box. I have to stay a few steps ahead of everyone else. Because i have come to terms of me being different than your average. I am unlike my peers.

I have accomplished a few missions that i set out to materialise. I have stood and stand by my resolutions to overturn my life around. Because if i choose to surrender to my destiny and fate, then life will be exactly how it would turn out to be. I don't want to let destiny and fate dictate my life. And so i took it in my hands and ran away with it. It's my prerogative on how i want my life to be. I am the master of my own dreams.

I am capable to make things happen. I know what i want and i have my vehicle, tools and vessels to ensure they would be fulfilled. Beyond life, love is the only thing that is not within my jurisdiction. Because relationships has to be mutual and not to be selfishly owned by only one.

I have thrived in my darkest hour, withstand the pain and heartbreaks, faced and fought the battles, emerged a survivor from the hurricane and strived for a better life for myself.

I have not looked back since. I have only desires to look beyond the vast golden ocean and touch the ends of the earth. Nobody yearns to touch the end of the rainbow anymore.

I am a fighter. Watch my wins.

'I didn't know my own strength'. Thank you Whitney for the anthem.

Lost touch with my soul
I had no where to turn
I had no where to go

Lost sight of my dream
Thought it would be the end of me

I thought I’d never make it through
I had no hope to hold on to
I thought I would break

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down,
and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain

I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break

I didn’t know my own strength

Found hope in my heart
I found the light to life
My way out of the dark

Found all that I need
Here inside of me

I thought I’d never find my way
I thought I’d never lift that weight
I thought I would break

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down,
and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain

I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break

I didn’t know my own strength

There were so many times I
Wondered how I’d get through the night I
Thought took all I could take

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down,
and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain

I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break

I didn’t know my own strength

Happily Ever After

2010-03-25T18:52:00.007+08:00

God opened up the skies for me. I saw you, in the form of a silver lining, becoming my greatest light, overpowering my darkest days.

I was lost, then you found me. I will be perpetually grateful, for your faith and love in me has restored my happiness and returned my sunshine.

I will be the man you never had. I will pour joys and shower you with tenderness, warmth and affection.

I promise to love you wholeheartedly. I will standby you through time & tide. You have forever with me. I will protect you with my loyalty and sincerity.

The world i know is the world we both share.

I love you, Fiq. Muacks.

200032010.

Fierce Factor

2010-03-15T23:37:00.005+08:00

If you haven't read about the news on the altercation that ensued between a disorderly drunk passenger and an SIA cabin crew, i believed you have been in a coma throughout after being stylishly hit and ran over by a certain Diplomat who spun wonderous incredible tales from the crypt, more rivetting than Alice getting lost in wonderland.

Alice, who is cross-eyed and had the looks of a three week old lotus pau, had a peculiar encounter with director Jack, who wanted her to be part of Mediacorp's Seven Princesses. Because Fiona(Xie), had left for ogreland happily never after. No, wait. Alice met the mad hatter. Wrong story. Another time perhaps.

Back to the dramatic showdown transpired thousands of feet in the air, fellow passengers were treated to a spectacular display of a bitch fight - Fangs, horns, claws and tiaras out. And you thought male cabin crew are campy and all gay. No pun intended. So the misdemeanor was slapped with a jail term. And little is known of the fate of the cabin crew. Crowned another tiara for advocating world peace perhaps? Ris Low will be so jealous she will start to retake her 'O' Level, try to get a D7 in english and apply for Miss Pet 2010.

I must say this out. Electronic retailers must never sell digital cameras to ugly people. In this Facebook age and what have you, i have been agonized by daily postings of people who uploaded photos of events or themselves, slap on incredulously self-flattering captions of themselves and believed they looked like members of the Korean girl band with the annihilation anthem - Nobody. Don't we all cringe when friends with kesian faces claimed themselves to be hot and that people are looking their way?

I really want to inform them of the 70% sale IKEA is having on wall mirrors. But i don't think i could because they were all sold out. It cracks every morning in the homes of some Suria actresses. People who look like keloids don't need mirrors. They need prayers. While i am at it, i get all bothered when the Hey Good-Looking column in The Straits Times Urban section featured confusing bimbos with brains the size of a pistachio. Their quote usually reads - I THINK I AM AVERAGE-LOOKING. I RATE MYSELF 7.5 TO 8 OVER 10. Honey, mathematics will tell you a FIVE is average. Have you left your brains at the kopitiam during lunch?

Anyways, ONLY beautiful, pretty people can take photos, can???

I was at East Coast Park McDonald's last month and i was taken aback by the service of a China National counter girl. I was perplexed when in a bo-chap tone, she asked me to come back in 10 minutes to get my fries because they are busy. What next? You want me to go over the kitchen and fry my six piece nuggets myself? Or do you want me to go to the blender, put in the cookies and make my own oreo ice-cream? You B****.

It irks me when people question my character and attack my personal beliefs and opinions. In a classy defiant act, i don't bother to retaliate or explain myself of my acerbic wit and eccentric persona. I subscribe to freedom of speech, and while i may be anti-conformist, i expose myself of who and what i am, without semblance of hypocrisy or curbing my thoughts just because it is not socially acceptable to do so. I say what i need to and i make no apologies for it.

Wouldn't i be fake if i sugarcoat my words and views? When people ask for your honest opinions, you don't tell them what they want to hear. You tell them what they should hear. If they find it derogatory, sorry but i never cared. Constructive criticism is essential, you know. I may be slammed and be labelled a bitch. But really, life is a bitch. You don't need a bitch to tell you that.

On an end note, i am extremely proud of myself in shedding excess weight off my body. I am pleased with how i look now. It is a far cry from five months ago, when i was plus 20kg heavier. The no-rice, white meat only, one meal a day diet proved to be truly effective. Also factor in my 2hour runs every day and a whole lotta self-reflection moments whenever i stumbled on pictures of fit guys with perfect bods. Then again, you just want to be a part of the hot guys society, la. Haa...

Holler to my fresh camp of deadly alliances - Parmesh, Lydia, Nora, Brigid, Faizal, Fafa...Thanks for dropping by in my life and making it a much colourful one to live in. You guys are wicked and a crazy bunch. :)))

I am almost ready to get over you. Give me just a little bit more time. Thank you for making me who i am today. You made me prove to you i can change myself just like how easy you'd changed your feelings for me. And definitely, an experience with you becomes my valuable education. God Bless. Take care and have a wonderful birthday later this month.

A Weekend Escapade

2010-02-28T03:23:00.009+08:00

It was a brilliant day to come out and play. The sun tanned us to hues of bronze and golden brown, the late afternoon showers rendered respite from the blazin' heat, the ocean bed provided the sanctuary for us to wade in blissful escapism and the memorable moments shared among FIVE - priceless.

More pictures can be found in my Facebook page. :)

''A Golden Tan''

''Lifeguard On Duty''

''Baywatch Cast 2010''

''The Fabulous Five''

Model Behaviour

''Siloso Ambassadors''

Who: Me, Lydia, Nora, Faizal & Badiyah

What: Beach Party

When: 26th February 2010

Where: Siloso Beach Sentosa

Freaks of Nature

2010-02-21T15:40:00.009+08:00

I have millions of thoughts racing in my mind right now.

Some things are regressing into dysfunctional mode, leaving me disconcerted. I want to revisit the relationship issue, but it has gotten old with time. But nary a change in my heart. Because despite the fruitless attempts to negate memories of someone from the past, i find myself feeling the loss overbearing. Guess i am not macho afterall.

I am defenceless against the power of love. Yes, i am still in love with my ex.

Some inane issues were harvested from a certain airline that i was supposedly to be hired in. I had to contend with the melodrama that entails. In fact, i am frustrated about the perpetual inconveniences that the company has inundate us. You have sorely miscalculated amd misconstrued your concept of Eddie Yusoff.

I wasn't hired at the final stages because you figured i will be too intelligent for your scam. You figured right you bigots. Who pays an upfront bond of several thousands to be a cabin crew? I heard from the grapevine you are still weaving your Disney Princess Fairytale around those whom you have selected. Now, the stories has been tweaked in the most blatant style and your antics over employment matter tried to infiltrate into gullible minds.

You are in it for a rude awakening. I am not going to watch my cabin crew aspirants, most of whom turned into close friends now, spiralled into your web of deceits. Your power of persuasion is abysmal. If you forget to remember, i was an officer of law not too long ago. I have orchestraed my own brand of investigation. And from what i have deduced, you're BUSTED.
BITCH.

By the way, thanks for the wonderful workshop that we had attended. Spectacular. Because you gave me 30 strangers-turned-fortified alliances now. Oh, i applied because it was a random job advertisement that i came across. You think i harboured lifelong dream to be employed in your company? Wrong again. Remember your blueprints, honey. You're no SIA. Lastly, i hate your ludicrous motivational talk. It bores me to death. Why do you think i wasn't participating? Think.

My endearing buddies from the workshop...

The most dubious honour for the most catastrophic event goes to the breakdown of my car. Fortunately, it decided to pull a Naomi Campbell's diva tantrum at the carpark of my place of residence. Turns out the battery has depleted every bit of its strength. I cannot imagine the dire situation i will be caught in if the car gets stuck in some ERP carpark somewhere. And to think the night before, FIVE of us took a spin in my car and trawled forbidden territories. What if we were stranded in some cemetery? Sexy.

I am seemingly irate towards the latest season of Survivor - Heroes Vs Villians. The good guys are such weaklings, getting annihilated by the dark forces in quick succession. But it is such a delectable show that keeps me on the edges of my seats. I love the outwit, outplay and outlast slogan. Oh such psychological thriller. READ ABOVE about the airline issues for reference.

Then, i am fraught with unemployment this very moment. I want to get a job pretty much within a week or so. I am left with little choice. School will re-open in a couple of months and i have fees to settle. The misery. I have absolutely no qualms in spending to the last dollar of my salary towards my studies. I can forgo the lavish meals and shopping is never my hobby. Which i why it is a worthy investment when you wager your pay for the benefit of the reward a qualification will reap at the end of the day.

And to add more than what i could finish on my plate, what does one do when people from different directions take the similar trait leading to me? Confessions abound lately. Some gracious souls took a liking on me and harboured hopes of a requited love. Frankly speaking, i wouldn't fend off anyone who tries to get acquainted with me a little deeper. I believe in giving chances and exploring new depths of relationships. But right now, it is overwhelming.

I wouldn't rule out dating. They can always try. But whether i am moved by the sincerity and unwavering flags of love held up by them or not, only my heart has the answers. Soldier on, fighters. March your battles into my fortress and win to set my heart free. Wee.

I HEART U

2010-02-14T15:56:00.004+08:00

Hi,

I hope you are doing just fine. Honestly, there isn't a day where i do not think of you. We didn't make it past this wonderful day today, but you will always remain, & have a place in my heart. And for that, i will celebrate the memories we've made.

I will always love you. Take care.

I MISS U, H. :(((

Bad Fiction

2010-01-29T22:57:00.004+08:00

Hola.

This is prolly the longest sabbatical that i've taken. I can't help it i guess. It's the first month of the year and things needs to run in order. But so far so good. Everything is going at clockwork pace and finally, i am able to breathe easy.

This week was somewhat gruelling. I had attended a TWO-day workshop on life in general. Suffice to say, it was a breakthrough for some participants. It entails exorcising one's demon, clearing out our closets, hanging our dirty laundry, obliterating emotional baggages, engaging in confessional sessions and regaining faith in oneself.

In retrospect, i would deduce it to be a soul-searching session - where removing boundries, reaching for the sky and becoming a fighter in the face of adverseries and challenges. The one lesson that i have taken from the experience is indefinitely the part of learning from falling. I am unable to share whatever that has transpired in the seminar room because it is unethical to exploit people and their weaknessess.

But one thing i can say is it has been a rude awakening. Everyone has undergone a certain stage of trauma perhaps at least once in their lives and i salute these brave souls for coming forth and acknowledging their harrowing past and resoluting to resolve malignant issues - in tears, humility and pride being compromised.

I am the eternal optimist. Well most of the time. If you had read my blog, you would know how in weakness i found strength, my unwavering belief in how things happen for a reason, why i fervently believe in every experience is an education and a slew of motivational phrases to see me through my life. I wish for the light to shine in your hearts, guys. I feel blessed to be acquainted with every single one of you.

Well, for the uninformed, i am in the midst of undergoing several rounds of interviews with a certain airline, to be a cabin crew. I have braved and escape unscathed the last THREE rounds already and the day of reckoning is looming. The workshop, which we were put through was reportedly to be the FOURTH interview where assessment would be made to filter the potential ones from the ill-calibred.

For the first time in my life i am besieged by agnostic feeling. I am earnest in scoring the job as this is prolly the one job that i have heavily-invested in. As in undergoing the several rounds of interviews, the incredulous amount of time and money involved, the preparations and consistent personal grooming and also the need to exercise intelligence and impress our potential employer at our best ability.

I believe i have dispayed my tenacity, competency, consistency and confidence throughout. But on the other hand, this is one industry where everyone tends to be cuthroat and would go to extremes in snagging the job. But should i get the boot for the final cut, i won't be dejected. I mean out of how many hundreds and maybe thousands that came for the interview, i am part of the elite few that remains.

We are in the dark of the results and from the grapevine, all of us are the chosen ones. We need no bad fiction. We want cold hard facts. So drop the bomb on us. We want to touch the sky. Plus, it would be awesome to have my profession read - Flight Attendant. :)))

Can't disclose much for now. Comeback for seconds soon.

The Greatest Life

2010-01-02T01:38:00.007+08:00

Welcome to the turn of a brand new decade.

I am compeled to reinvent and refurbish my blog's layout, furnish it with robust colours and more. However, i resolute not to because i am unable to churn creative essences at the moment. Ha.

I have not written a note of resolutions this time around. It is overstated anyway. The only thing new is the year, but most people remain true to who and what they are without any semblance of change or self-realisation. Instead of fervently collecting potential aspirations in my head, i want to look back and reflect the last decade and how well i have utilised my time while living through it.

If there is a greatest hits album to document the trails of it, its tracklist would be something like this :

2000 - The year i undertook my GCE 'O' Level, in secondary Five. This is possibly one of the most integral year of my life because of the major exam and how i have left behind my teenage years behind along with the whimsical scribbles on the classroom's desk of mine and the beginning of the transition from boy to man.

Oh how i have imbued a part of me - writing history in Springfield Secondary by being the Talentime's Millenium Champion. I have left behind some talents and 'footprints' at the walkway of the door. The win is especially a grandeur moment because year 2000 was the swansong for my school in organizing the singing competition. Needless to say, i had made a name for myself by being the last champion before the scrapped of the event.

2001 - The lowest point of my life has this year to thank. When i failed to pass through an audition round for my enrolment to LaSalle's Theatre Studies course and having SIM withdrawing its Diploma in English Studies course because of lack of students enrolment, i turned to hiatus and led a life of monotony by simply taking the year off to gather my act together.

The one other damage it has done is to render me overweight and have a lackadaisical approach to a healthy lifestyle. I bucked up and was fortunately able to furiously shed the flabs upon realizing the distinguished NS enlistment letter would come by any moment and that i would need to adopt fitness in order to withstand the harsh environment of military life.

2002 - I was called up to serve my National Service with the Singapore Armed Forces. It was an amalgamation of fear, anticipation, excitement and frustration on how the whole tenure is going to metamorph me, be it for the betterment or otherwise. But, I came out of it a fighter and i have forged everlasting brotherhood with fellow soldiers right up till today.

I have learned so much from the SAF and i am 100% in support of National Service being made mandatory for able-bodied young men of this Lion City. It has played its role in shaping who i am today. Salute.

2003 - Still in first year of military life. Nothing significant transpired apart from the routine balls-carrying and boot-licking of officers and snooty rank-cazy sergeants in trade for off days and pleasant treatment, the silent misery and agonizing countdown until the end of National Service, the relentless bouts of performances for the festive and unit celebrations all year round...It's nothing contradictory. While it can be gruelling at times, overall everything has been eventful.

My very first exposure with the campy gay & transgender community comes from the flamboyant characters existing in my army unit. It truly opened my eyes and made me realized how people of the third, fourth & fifth kind can co-exist in our society without being discriminated against and looked at with degenerative standpoint.

2004 - The year of ORD. I prolly did so many things for this one whole year soon after i got released from active duties in SAF. It means to be an NS Man, for the uninitiated.

I had landed a job with the Singapore Police Force four months after ORD. This was also the year i partake in the inaugural season of Singapore Idol. Didn't get very far, and was pragmatic about participating, lest my audition clip would be made a national farce. But i persevered and camped out outside Suntec City, among thousands. The singular reason for me in having the bravado to audition would be the niggling thoughts inhabiting - on how i would look back in regret later in my life, lamenting on the things i didn't do then. It was the experience that i get to keep. Nevermind i couldn't get far in the competition.

2005 - As i have a penchant for media-related things, i applied to study in MDIS, for its Diploma in Mass Communications. I earnestly urge those who are keen to study media to pursue Mass Comm studies. Because Mass Comm itself has branches of sub-field of studies. For instance - Journalism, Marketing, Advertising, Social Behavioural, TV & Radio Production...You can always find your niche in any of these modules and further enhance your specialization of chosen field in the future. The other TWO reasons why i picked MDIS would be its affiliation with Singapore Airlines and Mediacorp. And that it being the second biggest private school in Singapore.

2006 - It was a tumultuous year. My dearest aunt succumbed to cancer and the whole family was devastated. It was especially hard on me to accept as i had lost a guardian who had raised me for the most part of my life. I refuse to wallow now because i figure it is true what they say about earth may have lost a soul but heaven has gained an angel.

The other key event prior to my aunt's demise would be my birthday party, organized at a grand scale. Think drag performers, literal transformation of a chalet into a club setting - complete with smoke machine, strobe and disco lights, radical sound systems and a king's feast of buffet.

2007 - The year was quite substantial because i obtained my driver's licence after a few attempts and in a span of four months, purchased my first and very own four-wheelers.

Apart from the couple of holidays (KL, Bangkok) and cruise getaways organized by my division's cohesion activities, nothing much happened during the year. Not that i can remember any.

2008 - The year i resigned from the Singapore Police Force, after FOUR years of service.

It was a pretty solid year too, partly due to my birthday - 20th August - 2008, which was in tangent with the year 2008. Which means then the date was 2008/2008.

2009 - I honestly don't know what to make of the year. It was nowhere insipid, But it wasn't that happening too. It was fraught with such delectable, twisted and warped turn of events. The world economic downturn has somewhat played a consequential role in my life - by rendering misfortunes in my job search.

An extra-ordinary brand of love found me after a short respite from previous relationships. It was beautiful, nothing i have ever felt before. But all clouds of fantasies broke, when my partner walked out on me after a few trying months, leaving me heartbroken right till this very moment. I mourn for thee and will always keep these spectacular moments in my heart. How i wished for thee to comeback and call me love once more.

I had come to a point in life during the year that i have fully grown up, capable of making decisions, determined to make good of life, think beyond logic and reason, being comfortable of who i really am, emerging as an intrepid human being, accepting my flaws and in the process, discovering my strengths.

On a fluttery note, i had graduated from MDIS with my Diploma, qualified myself to study in Temasek Polytechnic and i was blessed to be given a buddy companion - for the numerous times i had mentioned his name - read previous posts, will you?

I lost some weight because of your motivation. Hee...

For the beginning of a brand new year, i have not drawn any resolutions. I prolly won't for the this year, as i would want to witness events unfold before my eyes. Indeed i am conscientious on what i want in life. But there are still dreams i have yet to fulfil. And until i have gotten the dreams of yesterday out of the way, perhaps then i would be able to catch the light & hope of the fantabulous new year.

They say, if you don't remove the baggage in your heart and mind, then obviously there won't be any more free space to hoard new things. Just in case i forget, here is my lifelong list of things i want to achieve, yet again : -

1) Complete my Diploma in Police Studies 2) Get featured in The Sunday Times Hot Bod Series (Wee!) 3) Perfect overseas getaways with my buddy/friends 4) Take part in TV's reality programs 5) Find & fall in love, & maybe get married and have children and the works 6) Achieve a desirable tanned, lean and toned swimmer's body 7) Upgrade to an MPV car - a Kia Carens possibly 8) Get employed in a dream job that pays well 9) Obtain a master's by the time i hit 35 10) Be somebody and have the ability to inspire & touch lives.

Cheers to 2010.

An Imperfect Dream

2009-12-23T00:15:00.005+08:00

I can't wait to go back to school. Failing the first year of poly does not necessarily mean i should just hurtle my studies out to the gutter altogether. Being me, i am never one to recognize what failure is - because to me, winning is everytime you pick yourself up after every fall and relentlessly try to tear down these walls in order to get to the other side.

Things are looking up but it could always get better. Any foresight on what the new year will bring is not too cognitively lucid, but i am hopeful the sun will beam brilliantly across the horizon. I want to embrace life in the most optimistic way. I need to vanquish semblances of afflictions caused by a broken relationship, agonizing moments, setbacks and failures.

I know i am the cause of my own destiny. Fate is accredited by my own hands. I fully understand my weaknesses and strengths. I want to listen to no one else but the voice in my heart. I want to cross boundaries and leverage myself towards pinnacles i've never reached. I am also capable of turning weak moments into strengths now.

It would be amazing to be enchanted all over again in the fairytales of a relationship. It'll be heartening to be loved, have your heart taken care of and know that you have that someone waiting for you at the end of the day. I want to be enamoured by an angel who will accept me for who and what i am, accept my imperfections, accept my quirks and habits, accept my erratic personality, accept my principles and beliefs and the most pivotal - to love me perenially and standing by me by weathering these trying times together.

In all brute honesty, i am still in love with my ex. Things don't work out here and there but believe me, i will standby my promise of always keeping that empty space in my heart for that person to return and reside once again. Indeed i have kept away that book we wrote, but love is able to manifest itself anytime it wishes to. Who knows what has been scribed on one's fate.

What we can do on our end is to bear with the imperfections of one another, learn to understand each other and work things out by seeking every avenues possible. Those, are the opportunities we did not take. Instead, we find all sorts of ways and reasons to repudiate each other's existance, without giving it a little more effort in salvaging the relationship. In this instance, i have never given up.

I hope the right one steps in. I'll be waiting here for your light. Come around soon.

Street Symphony

2009-12-10T01:11:00.006+08:00

I love my area of residence. I really cannot think of a more cushy estate than Pasir Ris. It is unlike the rest of Singapore - I think the other parts of Singapore are heavily-populated anyway. I adore its quaint and tranquility, with wafts of sea breeze from the nearby Pasir Ris beach bursting through my bedroom window, gently ruffling the smell sensory. My place is unobstructed from neighbouring flats and buildings. In fact, on a clear and sunny day, my room renders an amazing landscape of the sea, fringes of the Punggol estate and even our neighbouring country - Malaysia.

I appreciate the convenience of it all. The trinity of shopping behemoths(Courts, Giant & Ikea) are a walking distance, the TPE/KPE that connects to the other part of our island is a walking distance from my place, Changi Village, Changi Airport, Changi & East Coast Beach is one short drive away, Temasek Polytechnic, where i currently study, is also near to where i live. And again, Pasir Ris Beach/Park is at such close proximity, i frequent for that beach tan, cycling and my routine jogging activity.

The bonus draw would have to be Pasir Ris Camp. I report to that camp during my annual NS callup, which usually entail briefing, field pack item checks and the mandatory requirement to report in our army garb - the No.4. You see, the camp is located at the far end of the Pet/Fish Farm. And my flat is opposite of the entrance of the road that leads to the camp. I mean, during the activation, i can even sashay in at the eleventh hour of reporting because i live just next door. I wouldn't have reservations in carrying that whopping field pack, SBO & helmet, unlike the rest, who would have to lug it from their homes to the camp. Not that i know if anyone else has the fortune of residing in Pasir Ris though.

I grew up in the east - Tampines to be precise. The family moved out when we bought a new flat in Woodlands. After almost five years there, we made a decision to shift back to the east, to be closer to where our grandmother lives. It is refreshing to set up home in Pasir Ris. One would have to stay here at least for a week, to understand everything that i have shared thus far. You can truly be content here. It works for me.

I am pleased that we have Downtown East for my movie fix, albeit the mall is barely a third of any conventional malls, a sports & swimming complex will be built in a couple of years, Pasir Ris - being the last or first MRT station if you may, guarantee commuters seats, the heartwarming sight of army boys congregating on every Sunday evenings at the interchange for their shuttle bus that would ferry them to SAF Ferry Terminal, the fabulous running tracks of Meridian Junior College that i ply daily...

Sure, there are incredible tales flying around on how Pasir Ris is a haven for ghosts, ghouls, the supernatural and the likes. But then again, it is a benefit of sorts for those who wants to evade from the bustling environment of the more older estates. It is indeed distressing to walk home amid the eerie silent streets and walkways(lights go out and people 'disappear' by eleven onwards), but that's how it shall remain to be. I just love to be here because for one, i am reticent and private by nature.

My affection with Pasir Ris notwithstanding, there are other places around Singapore that you can spot me. Call it my usual haunts. They are, by far, the places i seek for pleasure, comfort, thrills, joys and respite. They are, in random order -

1. Meridian Junior College - You can spot me burning the tracks daily, in the evenings from 7 till 9
2. Changi Village - I would patronise its flea market on some saturdays, but almost always i would drive there for supper when i have late-night cravings
3. Pasir Ris Beach - The perfect place for my late-night runs and beach activities. On both occasions, it is generally quiet and uninterrupted by goers as the beach does not have throngs of visitors to begin with, unlike Changi or East Coast
4. Bedok Swimming Complex - I love how quiet and under-populated the place is, and that i can enjoy my swim without running into other swimmers or having them clamouring for the whole pool
5. West Coast Park McDonald's restaurant - When i have school projects or forthcoming exams, this is the most apt place to conduct any self-revision and enlightenment. It is hardly conducive because of the chattering of patrons, but it suffice because the place has a massive seating space, you can choose to seat indoors or al-fresco, it is wired with wi-fi convenience, it welcomes students who wants to do some studying without anyone batting an eyelid - as students make up half of its patrons, free parking for its huge carpark...
6. Eating establisments - Cafeela at Jalan Kayu, Al-Ameen in Woodlands & Spize in Simpang Bedok - The famous eating joints to be seen and heard. I frequent these places on days when my friends and i are looking for a makan place where we can savour the food, people-watch and while the night away with mindless conversations while downing our fabulous Indian milk tea. I dig their chicken chop, spaghetti & brownies respectively
7. Mustafa Centre - The shopping haven. No, it's not that i do my shopping here, but really, it has everything one needs. I can have a great time just by window-shopping here. It is especially pleasant to spend one's time late at night or into the early mornings there. It is crazy that goods are stocked to the brim and how one can get fainting spells just by imagining the things they could buy there
8. Henderson Waves - A romantic spot for the lovebirds or an opportunity for cam-whores to bask in the panoramic view of Singapore from the spiralled bridge. I would always bring friends, who have never been there, for a first time experience visit
9. Sentosa - The Pahlawan Beach is truly the ultimate spot for picnics, a suntan, frolicking in the waters...my most favourite spot to lay the mat would definitely be at the islet, which is connected by the bridge
10. Vivocity - Prolly the only shopping mall that chalks up more visits from me than any other malls. Seriously, what's there not to like about it? It's a giant playground for me. I can be seen at the GV cinema, the roof of the 'deck' chilling while immersing the splendour of Sentosa, at the NewUrbanMales retail store, checking out Zara...

Random Factors

2009-11-26T02:23:00.009+08:00

30 more useless information about Eddie you prolly don't know...

1. I pump the accelerator and go beyond the speed limit when i am in a foul mood, especially when people ask me to drive to places i know i might get lost in, or roads that are unfamiliar or where there is heavy traffic. I would also honk incessantly at those who stop by the side of the road, cut into my lane without signalling, inched close to my car...

2. I have a photographic memory. I can steal a glance at some landscapes, pictures, objects or people, and i can draw them right down to the minute details eg. colour, design, position

3. I have the ability to write in multiple handwritings. I can easily switch to the many style of handwritings and i am able to do a single successful attempt of copying anyone's signature at one look

4. I cannot have physical contact with people, even though when non-sexy conversations are being exchanged. Because i will get an erection very easily. Some friends do pull pranks on when in public places, and deliberately pat my chest or talk in a perverse manner, just so i will get a reaction to display a boner

5. I was born in Singapore, raised in Singapore, studied in Singapore and am living in Singapore. But the mystery here is how on earth am i speaking in an inherent accent, widely and unanimously agreed by people to be a cross between 50% Filipino, 30% Singaporean & 20% American. I don't know myself. However, both my late grandparents hailed from Australia but none in the family has Aussie traits or twangs

6. I have peed in my pants before. This happened during Primary School, during the flag-lowering ceremony. Back then, stories of Leprechauns being sighted by former students in the toilets of my primary school were circulated like wildfire, forcing the school to even issue a warning of sorts for students to be careful when visiting the loos. I held back my urine due to fear (i was a small kid then, man) and when i couldn't contain it any longer, the golden shower fell along with the unison singing of the National Anthem. Not good when hundreds of eyes were fixated on you

7. I take photographs, exposing only my side profile. I hate taking pictures and doing frontal poses, because i don't think everything on my face falls into the rightful place. I don't think my sharp facial features are conventional. I am sounding modest here but overall i am appreciative of my looks, save for my nose which i hated for as long as i can remember

8. I may cut an intimidating figure. But if you are intellectual enough to break these walls around me, you will unravel someone with an entirely different personality. You see, i had to administer the arrogance and swagger, as that is what creates a fortified guard against conflicting elements - the haters, people who tries to bring you down, hostile and negative energy...

9. I listen more than i speak. But when i do speak, i will arrest your utmost attention and most of the time, i will get people to listen intently and demand an aritculated response

10. I have the ability in administering the power of persuasion. I can psychologically overwhelm you, change your mind, persuade you to buy my thoughts and ideas, scar you mentally and get you to go my way. This is nothing manipulative, bossy or sounding like a domineering bitch. I just have my way with words

11. I read people's behaviour well. I know when a person is acting a lying bitch, a serial cheater, a faker, a hopeless hypocrite or a two-timing psycho-slut. I usually participate and feign ignorance, but i won't mirror their behaviour. Because if i do, i will just be as diabolical

12. I am actually shy in real-life. I am not the life of any party, the vocal one in class, or the kind to crack jokes at gatherings. Usually, i would just sit at the corner, try to look cool and handsome, and wait for people to step up to break the ice. I don't initiate conversations, especially with those that are not aesthetically-pleasing. Gee.

13. I used to be one of the TEN finalists for Power 98's Army Icon II, a singing competition held in the year 2005. I had to audition in the midst of a busy Yishun Interchange, as DJ Sebastian called me back for one just as i was about to board the bus home from somewhere. And i sang One Moment In Time. The only song that came to mind at that point. Haha...

14. I am the singing voice behind the radio jingle or advertisement, for Halal Foods Booster, which is still being played daily across the TWO malay radio channels - Warna & Ria. I recorded it in a TWO days, without being paid, as the producer was a then-friend. I also sang the station jingle of Oli.sg. Although i have no hit singles being played on radio, at least i can settle for my ads for now. I had more 'hits' and airplay than The Echoboys okay!

15. I have, to date, participated in both previous seasons Singapore Idol, Anugerah, Asia Bagus, MediaWorks' The Big Break. For acting background, i have played teeny-weeny parts in Under One Roof, Three Rooms, True Story, and scored a lead role for a Toyota commercial

16. I can easily spend more than ONE hour in the showers

17. I don't patronise restaurants or eateries that sets exorbitant prices for its food. I am easily contented with my cheap and affordable hawker fare, because i am not a fan of food

18. I find inspiration just by seeing other guys with a much leaner and fitter bod. That is enough to spur me to run extra rounds at the tracks, staying off junks and calories-ladened food, keeping in shape and rigorously train to attain a similar built

19. I seriously think Joanne Peh has an aura of elegance and the poise of a confident woman. Ann Kok is a hottie too. My ideal girlfriend would have to look like she's one of the New Paper New Face finalists. And Yan Kaykay is my dream sexpot, whom i would do all night. Wee...

20. I have this reservation and discontent towards gay people. I can't quite comprehend why being gay must be associated with coloured contact lenses, make-up, women's wear and girly behaviour. Adam Lambert is one fine example. So we know you're gay. But what's with the make-up and eye-liner and flamboyant image? Why can't gay people be NORMAL and be straight-acting? At least if you shed yourself off these 'accessories', perhaps the treatment and resentment towards homosexuals wouldn't be as dire and blatant, as society sees it today. And discrimination or prejudice will be eradicated. You think?

21. I have taken my own sex clips before. So what? We live just once. Do anything and everything at least once

22. I will kill to partake in Survivor, should the franchaise be brought to Singapore. And perhaps apply for The Amazing Race Asia. With my Buddy!

23. I don't have a normal amount of hair on my legs. They look more like a swimmer's, and here i have some sceptics who thinks i shaved the hairs off to look natural. I have no time for the upkeep, honey. I call it my sexy but scary hairless chicken legs

24. I have a birthmark on my left eyebrow that i'm contemplating to remove. It's weird that nobody ever talks about it, or even too care to notice

25. I think Polo Boys is a show with a bad plot, tacky storyline, corny dialogues and lousy acting. The saving grace is the blazing red trunks. Because the boys can't act, la. Wait, only Julian Low CAN!

26. I want to be trimmed, tanned and toned enough to be featured in The Sunday Times Hotbod Series. Splendid!

27. I don't listen to mainstream music. My music collection is the illest shit you've never heard

28. I used to practice Tae-kwon-do when i was much younger

29. I started singing when i was 10, with Michael Jackson the first artist i ever listened to, followed by Mariah Carey and i remembered Janet Jackson's Janet album, being the most spectacular album throughout my growing up years

30. I cry at weepy dramas and cry when i hear sappy love songs. Heartbroken, la!

Out Of The Dark, Into The Light

2009-11-23T23:27:00.009+08:00

The week has been gruelling. Every turn of events has been of a cataclysmic proportion. I felt torn and broken. Nevermind the sadness and frustration that has clung onto me. I have lost the appetite for the lighter side of life. My mood is playing the volatile stock market in my head. I am uncertain of the causes but let's count the factors for the manic mental breakdown.

How does it feel to obliterate the person you used to loved completely from your life? I have done just that. But i wasn't that hesitant because i am fulfilling the other party's wish. Granted. You are completely out of my life. I hung on for as long and seeked redress in the best way i could. But i couldn't please and appease anymore. It hurts to be the subject of your anger when i have been innocent throughout. I am not going to turn hater and inflict diabolical intents on you because you should claim responsibility for everything that has happened. Just to let you know i don't hate you whatsoever. I am singing our swansong. It's curtain call. The best solution is the erasure on my part.

In trying to ardently stick to my strict regime of attaining a desired body shape, i have resolute to alter my eating habits as well. Perhaps it is not too advisable. Because i have refrained from rice for over THREE weeks now, i eat crispy flavored seaweed for my daily sustenance and i consume a single weeny meal a day. This usually consist of vegetable or a fishball soup. Honestly, dieting is an agonizing practice. When you are deprived of your favourite food, you will easily slip out of your elements, get flighty and suffers from a withdrawal symptoms of sorts. It's not an easy task, man. But i am seeing results. The grand total of 14 hours - 2 per day of burning the tracks per week sets my target in the right direction too. I am sorry for the afflictions people. Bear with my behaviour just this once. I can't help feeling rotten too.

I am exploring my options on whether to repeat poly, take up B.A in SIM, or continue with my Degree in Mass Communications in MDIS. I am in a critical situation whereby any decision i make concerns my time, committment and financial state. It's so hard to decide. I need to complete my Diploma in TP because i don't take detour on things and usually would finish whatever i started. It wouldn't hurt to be awarded a polytechnic's Diploma, right? My TP's lecturer claimed it'll be a waste of time to continue in TP when i could have used the money instead and pay for my Degree in Mass Comm in MDIS. The hitch is i don't have thousands of moolahs to apply for a Degree. But it makes sense to move upwards, instead of stepping back. And then someone had to conjure the brilliant suggestion of continuing my studies in SIM, as there is a 40% subsidy for the Degree programmes course fees. It is darn feasible because where money is concerned, i am on a shoestring budget.

I haven't found a moment to gather my sanity and work out the kinks where academic pursuits are concerned. Ultimately, it has to be both beneficial and an investment per se. My mom is ready to fling her shoes at my puppy face on whatever juncture i arrive at. It'll be out of my own pockets this time around.

I am extremely apologetic for the irregularities in my blog postings. Every day has been eventful and worthy to be documented but i cannot find a substantial reason to gravitate towards the computer, apart from the nondescript affair with youtube flicks for my reality TV show fix, checking of emails and inane wall postings by friends in Facebook.

The culprit for my deviation attributes to the blue screen of death, which is generally an initial sign of hardware failure. It irates me when the system suddenly desist, especially in the middle of msn chats, watching sensational videos, blogging and while on schoolwork. And the pc is only in its sophomore year. That's why i am not fixated on my pc. I am going to send it in for a good repair and maybe claim compensation from Acer for the frenetic situations it has put me through. As if.

Alright, i should just stop it right here. Wailing and whining is not going to eliminate my problems. But it feels slightly euphoric to clear your chest of things and airing dark issues, hoping people can empathize with you. It would also be heatening to hear them dispensing words of comfort and sound advice when in times of calamity. I appreciate every single gracious soul who has stepped up to me and surrounded me with their love.

Honorable mention to my besties for your touch of love, care and faith - Shawal(aka The Buddy), Izarnawi, Chelsea, Suhaina, Eric, Muhammad, Sakina, Geeta, Herman, Ritz, Glenn...

Ps: The ordeal has bonded us much tighter and funny how it sometimes takes a storm to test our strength and cemented our faith in each other to weather it as true soldiers? I am your bulletproof vest, buddy. Best believe. And oh, some people would just want to underestimate our blood ties, don't they? We're tighter than any Botox shots injected in Dick Lee's face and tighter than Wong Lilin's ass, man. :)))

A Visual Brilliance

2009-11-13T00:23:00.005+08:00

In a month or so, 2010 will usher in. The thrilling thing is not so much of waiting for what the future will bring to our plates, but how have we utilized the previous year, what experiences have we brought forth, what lessons have we learnt and how many of our resolutions were actually materialized.

It has been a dotty year thus far. I fell in and out of love, i have expanded and deflated my body size(which is a concurrent battle for me), i have graduated with a Diploma in Mass Comm, i have gotten a taste of tertiary education in poly, i discovered my gem(see previous post), i have rekindled an impassionate love for running(a seven days a week affair for me now), i got rich and broke at the same time and a whole lot inspid moments that are best sealed in the closet.

However, one issue that i cannot get around resolving is - seeking employment in the sector i desire to be in. I am vehemently finicky when matters of job is concerned. I don't know when i will strike gold but a visceral feeling tells me a good job with a good pay looms in the forthcoming months. I know it is ludicrous to patiently wait for the pen-ultimate fortune but see, sometimes, things happen for a reason. I swear by 'Takdir' & 'Rezeki'.

I have faltered in my examinations. I am not going to be anal about it and harbour misgivings about the result's outcome. I knew the planetary alignments was somewhat disheveled the day i took the exam papers. Because the questions were tough and hard. I pretty much anticipated a lacklustre result. And i will not be abandoned in the dumps and let failure defeat my spirit.

I am certainly in a jolly mood. Because through my weakness, i have discovered my strength. My life is nowhere at the hindmost. I have explored the options and i am glad there are limitless opportunities for me to carry my academic dreams from here on.

It is too early to draw a list of resolutions, but one thing is affirmed - i know what i want for myself. I would just have to work for it, wouldn't i? I am not going to wait for fate or destiny to dictate my life. For instance, if i am driven by motivation to run a marathon, why would i let factors such as physical limits, stronger contenders, time and lack of opportunity inform me of impeded chances? If i am determined to do something, then i would do everything in my capacity to make it work. Why wait for something to happen when i can shift and shape my own destiny, long as i am brave and strong enough? If you dream it, don't dismiss it as a far-fetched dream. The onus is on you to bring it to life.

Some of the things i want to accomplish perhaps would induce an attenuate mirth or more, but the idea of settling down does not sound all too radical, isn't it? The bundle of joys a marriage can bring gives such warmth to the heart, with your son/daughter tugging and gripping their hands around your finger and come calling for you.

This beautiful picture sends my heart fluttering because yesterday, i was at Meridian Junior College, working out at its fitness corner with the buddy after my routine laps at the tracks. A 2 year old or so caucasian/malay mixed boy, approached me and asked me what i do when i am at home. He was left to his own devices by his caucasian dad, who was engaged in a football friendly at the football pitch.

The adorable tot said his name was Keoghan. I took a bit time out of my workout and kept him entertained by playing a goalkeeper while he tried to clumsily kicked the ball through the net. I was overwhelmed by a gentle joy and such wonderful feeling. I envisioned the child to be mine and here we are, relishing in a son and dad blissful moment. When his brother took away his ball, he came up to me crying and tugged at my finger with his tiny hands and said 'i want my ball back' - in an accented english. I melt.

I have come to realise that at this point of my life, at this age i am in, a companion is what would truly complete me. Surely an established career would be the pinnacle of one's life, but let's not practise an oversight of the other things that could render clandestine ecstasy and happiness. My whole life has always been about the paper chase, taking great pains in upkeeping my physical vessel/outlook and shrewdly indoctrinate others that i had failed to understand the basis of life.

Take pride and comfort in the little things you've done and gained. Be proud and thankful whenever you can. Appreciate that someone who love and care for you. Count your blessings on what you have and own. Give a pat on yourself at how far you've come in life. Be grateful that you have lived to see another day. Say your prayers to the ONE who's keeping you alive.

I am most content with my present circumstance. Even though i am not matched with a dream job, blessed with a rosy relationship, obtained a pass for my exams, have little money to get by and not have the means to buy the latest high end gadgets and whatnot, i do not deplore the lows life is giving me. It must have underlying reasons for me to emerge as a fighter through it all.

Surely in more ways than one, i should be thankful that my whole family and i are healthy, i have fulfilled my needs and wants, i lived the high life prior, i have the consistent company of besties and my amazing buddy, i am not handicapped in any ways, and most importantly - for the fact that i am still breathing to bask in a tomorrow that are saturated with bounteous surprises.

God is watching over us. Amin. :p

(Thank You for your company for the whole week, buddy.)

Ray Of Light

2009-11-02T23:26:00.010+08:00

My Best Buddy For A Lifetime BBFAL (fill in your name here) deserves an incredible mention, and this post is dedicated entirely to him.

I have been told i am precocious, aloof, presumptuous, abrasive, idiosyncratic, erratic, eccentric and a slew of juggernaut terms that most of the time i find, a correct descriptive of me. I am pretty sure i am the oddly different boy-next-door, who grew too soon, gotten his childhood lost along the growing up years, being stripped bare to the world and thinks unparalleled from the collective thinkers. In a simplified term, i am an enigma with a face to match.

I love playing the psychological game. I think harder than the average guy and i see things in a a lucent perspective, unbelonged to anyone's generic cognitive standpoint. I earnestly thought with an arsenal of arrogance, a smack of swagger and a no-nonsense disposition, i would have a dramatic diminutive amount of friends who is brave enough to weather my erratic behaviour.

Indeed, i have hundreds of friends. But at the end of the day, i only look to ONE. And this ONE has stood by me through the tumultuous moments in my life. This good man has a name - Shawal, my BBFAL. At the risk of sounding like a bro-mance novella, he is a figure i would be willing to spend a lifetime with. He is my BFF, my homie, my rock and most importantly, my greatest buddy prolly in the universe.

He does listen to my whims and fancies. He appreciates my very existance. He gave undivided attention to my ideologies, however incredibly dissenting. He gave me a wholesome company. He knows me inside out. He understands me like a TEN-YEAR series. He is consciously understanding. He is willing to commit himself and align himself with my agendas. Above all, he is amazingly faithful and a loyal pal. I see multiple similarities between himself & me. And most of the time, we actually think alike, and great minds share sagely philosophies, doesn't it?

I love the guy. I do. In fact, apart from the one i love, i am willing to go the distance for him and cater to him at my best. Both of us has such an amazing chemistry that a seperation is remotely impossible. We check out each other's well being daily, we are consistently on the prowl almost nightly for our supper fix, we share a passionate penchant for jogging, the 'questionable' late night movies together, the mindless car trips and the comforting conversation sessions tucked somewhere at the beach's carpark, with serenity beckons, munching on our chocolate bars and exchanging anecdotes and stories of life. And more. *grins*

The one defining moment whereby i realized i have found myself a treasure in a friend is during the times i faltered in my relationship. I had seeked him for a shoulder to cry on, an intent listening ear, a heart to feel my pain and words to placate my turbulent heart. He never walked away, bailed out and stopped dispensing words of wisdom. In fact, he checks up on me without fail. He brought me a thankful momentary respite from the storm.

It is sweet of this guy to lend me an inspirational book to help me tide over my uncertainties. It is even more so saccharine sweet of him to declare me the buddy who would take the bullets for him. I am pretty sure i would. And i thank him for believing that. I can vividly recall the 'don't ever leave me, buddy' text that he sent. It may not hold significance at that time to the point of shrugging it off as an amusing sms, but when in times in my solitude, heartbreaks and loneliness, he is the one i would want to be with to gain warmth and assurance.

The reasons are evident why i like my BBFAL. His intelligence and ability to hold a stimulating conversation is top rankin'. He is unlike the rest of the malay boys i befriended with. It helps that he is comfortable in conversing in my choice of spoken language - english. He complements me in the physical area, sharing the quintessential swagger and what more can i say, we both look damn fine for ourselves. Wait, that is ego talking. Furthermore, he spends his off days on me. Thanks a million, yeah.

And yes, private details and issues are not spared and everything is being laid out with no boundaries. That's how well we gel together. Because we always hold 'no-barred' conversations. That's how it is. I would want to be accepted for who and what i am and i'm certain he is ready to bask in a whole lot more. You needn't remind me how i can count on you anytime. I remember the growing old together topic and how you envisioned our future families will be close with one another. And that sharing the one room flat if we are unmarried, old and useless is a possibility, NOT to be thrown out of the window. Chuckles.

Well, this post is somewhat a tribute to Shawal for all the things that he has done for me. It is great to be given this guy and i will always remember the footprints we had left behind, cherish the present we are blessed with and treasure the opportunity for a future which will be shared between us. I have accepted our respective flaws and obliterated any trivial conflicts of the past. I had lost a substantial part of me when my love walked out on me. Promise you won't waver as well and break the light. As in response to that message - I will never leave you, bro. You're the greatest. Hugs to you. And err, i love you man?

Salute.

Strong Enough

2009-10-30T00:56:00.020+08:00

Just a heartbreakingly beautiful song by Stacie Oricco - Strong Enough.

As I rest against this cold hard wall, will you pass me by?
Will you criticize me as I sit and cry?
I had fought so hard and thought that all my battles had been won
Only to find the war has just begun

Chorus:
Is He not strong enough?
Is He not pure enough?
To break me, pour me out and start again?

Is He not brave enough?
To take one chance on me
Please can I have one chance to start again

Will my weakness for and hour or make me suffer for a lifetime?
Is there any way to be made whole again
If I'm healed, renewed and find forgiveness by the strength I've never had
Will my scars forever ruin all God's plans?

Chorus:
Is He not strong enough?
Is He not pure enough?
To break me, pour me out and start again?

Is He not brave enough?
To take one chance on me
Please can I have one chance to start again

He took my life into His hands
And turned it all around
In my most desperate circumstance,
is where I'm finally found

That You are strong enough
That You are pure enough
To break me, pour me out and start again
That You are brave enough
To take one chance on me,
Oh thank You for my chance to start again

It's ironic how some songs inadvertently becomes a reflection of your love & life's situation. This song came out of nowhere and i find meaning and warmth in its hauntingly beautiful melody and powerful lyrics. I am struggling to move ahead with the times and at the same time, trying to move on and getting my life back on track. I have been cradled in fantasies, daydreams and an alternate world where i thought it would be a perpetually blissful affair. God, was i wrong.

I am learning from falling. And i am finding my strength through failures and trying times. I don't wish to look back. I find truth in the adage of how is one able to succeed in moving on if he is unwilling to let go of the past.

As for my love relationships, i know closures are so hard to do and trying to make yourself obliterate the one you love from your mind is one big obstacle you have to overcome. There can be no room for anyone else if you don't ask the person to step away and negate his/her existance. If the spark has dissipated and the chemistry has no more formulas in salvaging the relationship, it would be better to let your other half go.

I need to adhere to the advice of if you truly love someone who in return does not reciprocate your love, then set them free from the golden cage and let them find their own happiness.
It would be wise to invest my time, love and attention to someone else who is much more deserving of my company.

I have also learned that sometimes, we cannot wait for fate and destiny to guide our lives and lead us to wherever it chooses to go. If we can make that change today ourselves, then seize the moment and shape our own future. Because sitting and waiting for things to happen is as good as praying for miracles to happen.

The sun will shine after the hurricane. Things will probably never be the same. The glory is not in winning everytime, but how many times we picked ourselves up from failing in trying to win. This song goes out to my heroes out there who are survivors in their own rights.

As for me, i am picking up the pieces and discovering the strengths in my weaknesses. I am still crying over the lost love but i will get better in time. I know can do this. I will overcome. I will finish the race. I am Strong Enough.

Wassalam.

(I have never blamed you for walking out on me. I have been selfish in keeping you here to satiate my own hunger for company and happiness. I have realized my mistake. I did not think of your freedom and liberty in deciding for your own rights. I sincerely apologize. I will always treasure the spectacular moments, the laughters and joys, the hardships both of us had to go through and the special times we shared. I wish you well for the future and may you find someone who would treat you better than i ever did. I will fade away before both of us know it. I have never wished for spoken gratitude and obligatory appreciation for my sacrifices thus far. Plus, you know i will go the distance and putting you first above all, and also in providing the best for you, just so you would keep that smile on your face. All i ever wanted in return was respect and kindness. However, I have no regrets falling in love with you. You appeared when i wasn't looking. It certainly has been an amazing experience. But let's make this decision for ourselves in parting ways. It hurts me so facing whatever challenges you put me through, but i will take the bullets like a real man. Deep in my heart i still care for you, but for the sake of establishing a new life and a new chapter, let's close this book of love and keep it away for remembrance. Every minute on this adventurous joyride has been worthwhile. Thank you for everything. Take care, H.)

Resentment Theory - Back For More

2009-10-24T03:00:00.004+08:00

25 MORE Issues That Gets My Goat...Part III

I HATE THE PART WHEN...

1. People flashes their middle finger in photographs(you look fcuking uneducated)

2. Subaru/Mazda car owners often revved on the roads(especially on the roads where you have coffeeshops along it. i hope you crash and get burnt alive, fcuking pigs)

3. Sometimes, whenever we tried to order something we craved to eat at a food outlet(usually a prata shop), the indian server would say the food has run out or they don't sell it or they only serve it at a certain timing. Then don't hand me the menu, you poisonous toad.

4. Some lifts at the shopping malls are super slow in ascending or descending. Like, I don't have the whole of wednesday to wait for this, dammit. It is especially fcuking annoying when after you've waited so long to enter, crowds soon formed and when the lift opens, there are like the whole residents of Marsiling in it, thus cutting you out and making you wait all over again.

5. The patriach of the family in some melodramatic channel 8 dramas, suffers a heart attack when the family feud gets bitter or when he discovered something unsettling. I can almost tell you myself what happens after that. BITCH.

6. The petrol/convenience store cashiers will go - 'Sir, you want to buy another curry puff? Got promotion'. Or 'A GPS System or MP3/DVD player for you, sir?' Give me my bloody change and what makes you think i want to buy a DVD player to go with my petrol? Ask me again and i pump the petrol in your mouth and set you on fire. Irritating scumbags.

7. People who don't pick up my calls, then sms me seconds or minutes later and ask 'You called?' Like, er, no. I think some poltergeist possessed me and made me hit the digits on my cellphone to call you. YOU DICK. If i am going to die and tried reaching for you, will you sms me later and ask me if i called? Where is your sense of urgency? If it was something casual wouldn't i just sms?

8. The Pasir Ris' Singapore Post Office customer service staff treat its customer so shabbily that i thought i have owed them a few dollars, hence the grim, nasty and sullen look that they wear when they served customers. It's not my fcuking fault you DID NOT get it last night, lady. He's just not that into you.

9. China-made cellphones or products infiltrate our markets. *shakes head and lapses into a perennial coma*

10. If i have to hear Hady Mirza's song 'You Give Me Wings', sung by anyone again, i swear i will migrate to Cambodia. The song sounds like a bad national day song, with its tacky lyrics, worthy to be a school anthem for some girls' school in Bedok.

11. Ken Lim's 'Come slap me with your ALDO shoes on my face' look on Singapore Idol. Like, hello? You are judging and making comments to contestants to improve themselves. Don't get bitchy and get regimental like it is some Boot Camp. I would have signed on in the army if i want to hear sergeants on periods or PMS. I would have flung my mic at you if you say 'I'm kryptonite, you're superman'.

12. The over-rated and over-hyped Britain's Got Talent's Susan Boyle and the appearance of Suria's Anugerah winner Hyrul Anuar singing at EVERY Suria shows. Get the hell out of my TV screen. It may look like a day job to you, but seeing you whenever i turn on the TV, i can die from ear,nose and eye bleed.

13. Straight guy friends go 'eee...gay sia' and discriminate PLUs gender BUT, in reality, you see them picking up trannies in Changi for a quick fix. Like, trannies are men too, mothefcukas. Technically, it's men fcuking men. What gives???

14. People who pick their teeth during meals. It's so uncouth, ungracious and impolite. Where is your etiqutte and table manners, you dog?

15. You get stopped on your tracks at the MRT station every other day by some insurance and bank officers who tries to ask you buy insurance plans, savings policy with their organization and whatnot. You required THREE minutes of my time to hear you speak. But you don't want my TWO seconds for me to say NO THANKS to you. I curse your parents the next time you force me to buy policies from you. What makes you think i will want an insurance policy on a random day? How to part with a part of my life-savings on the spot? Same goes to you donation collectors for your heartbreaking stories of former convicts who needs support 'cos they can't get a job. My problem, issit?

16. The residents in my block are having some OTT spiritual congregation. As in you have to bear with the weekly LOUD gospel singing with its tuneless guitar strumming by some students who thinks my flat is the Rock Auditorium, to the banging of the gongs and drums of the malay dance troupe that makes a din every sunday. Please be considerate, la. The C.Cs are not built for ah-sohs who wants to be a Mississipi cowboy for their line-dancing practice, you know. And i am not even going to touch on the horrible woman with the more horrible voice who sings her weekly Ziana Zain karaoke songs. I seriously don't know if a pet dog is often heard being abused in her house or she is being possessed in broad daylight by the ghost of a heartbroken singing pontianak.

17. Changi Airport and its perpetual construction and refurbishment plans. It's like soon after one renovation is complete, another one gets underway. What more do you want? The best airport in the whole fcuking universe?

18. People who uses Top Up cards. I just don't get the concept of buy a card and scratch it for you to top-up your value. Can somebody tell me what the hell is that?

19. Women who sports curly-maggie hair. Wait, if that is not nasty enough, it has to be coloured red or blonde. Position for Getai performers application has closed la, sister. Try applying next august. Or the KTV in Geylang is hiring beer aunties. Very Horrigible, hor.

20. Companies or agencies employ frontline staff who cannot execute a proper usage of the english language. I was at CMPB a few months ago and the aunties, yes aunties, manning the counters were happily conversing to customers in 'market' singlish. I can almost visualize she had taugehs, pandan leaves and roasted ducks next to her counter wanting to 'lelong-ing' them.

21. Radio Ria's Misteri Jam 12. It is essentially a horror-themed segment whereby listeners call in and share stories of ghostly encounters, the supernatural and paranormal activities. It seems, every night, so many people would want to share their experience. To put it simply, it seems everyone is gifted to see the dead. What the fcuk. Truly an over-rated show. The only ghostly figures i am able to see my whole life is the makcik who lives on the tenth floor with the Anita Sarawak make-up and her equally flamboyant daughter. Imagine the scared shit moments when you bumped into them in the lifts. Very the Jigsaw you know, Saw's clown-masked killer. But Times TWO uh.

22. Ris Low. I mean, how can i not mention her? Only for the fact she has degraded the standard of MDIS students. I can't find Hospeetality block leh. Same goes to Pilar Arlando who said the Merlion became extinct in 1965. And please hor, Ris did not coined the word BOOMZ. 'Cos the malay trangender community has long used that word. It's called - 'Meletup, nyah.' Hahahahaha...

23. Friends who ask me to rate them how they look or yearning compliments from me when we go shopping. Sometimes, when they take a bloody long time trying on outfits, i would chip in and say ''that is so gorgeous, it so fits you to a T, i would buy it myself if i have that kind of money.'' In reality, i want to say hurry up and get the fcuk out of the store, you cunt. You look like Free Willy being washed ashore and i also seriously think you look like an road accident victim. So kesian. :p

24. MRT stations with absurd names - Joo Koon. Ha. Jelapang. Haha. Kangkar. Hahaha... What's next? Next stop - Keparat?

25. Duane Ho wins Singapore Idol. Then all Singaporeans should migrate to Planet Jupiter. I am starting to pack my underwears liao. Waaa...

Essentially Essen

2009-10-19T20:21:00.014+08:00

Bag Raid...Reprise

I love airing my dirty lil' secrets. Well, it's time to reveal the many interesting stuff that i tote in my bag and give you a peek at my fashion sense & sensibilities, needs & wants, must-haves, things in my possession and the essentials an alpha urban male like me gotta own.

1. New Urban Male Bag - I bought this bag more than a couple of years ago at a hefty price tag. This kind of bag looks good on me and i love it for the fact that it is roomy inside for me to dump everything ranging from army boots, uniforms, textbooks and bulky stuff to the myriad of things you see in the picture here. I also dig its purple hue and the distinct NUM logo. I am a metro-man, dude...

2. Diary & WD Hard Drive - This cheap, run-of-the-mill diary bears passwords and some other important details that i guard fiercely with my life. Of course i don't lug it in public or put it in my bag. I'll be courting danger. It stays under lock and key in the closet's drawer. I bought the WD Hard Drive from Challenger, I.T superstore. I have resolute and was adamant to get this when my previous desktop, an apple Imac, crashed beyond repair. I couldn't even bade goodbye and salvage the thousands of music files, personal photos and 'discreet' videos. It is immensely heartbreaking to lose all your files. Hence this nifty life-saver. Lesson learnt and i have since stored my documents and files here. AS PRECAUTIONARY MEASURES.

3. ProjectShop Blood Brothers Pouch - I store a couple of Singapore Police Force badges that i bought and gotten, when i served in the organization(but has since resigned), a pocket mirror, a Manchester United keytorch, bangles, perfume atomizer, a coin pouch and some other junks. But the one precious item here would be my limited edition Thierry Mugler's A*Men refillable perfume collectible (pictured, with a star logo). I also like how stylishly compact it is and the silver colour and shape often gets mistaken for a lighter. The scent is amazingly sexy and if there is a perfume that speaks who i am, it'll be the scent of A*Men.

4. Samsung 4GB Touch Screen Slide Speaker Mp3 Player - This follows me on long train rides, sporting activities like running and workouts at the gym. Plus, it's cool how you just simply have to slide the top to have your music emanate and fill the room. Fabulous for sharing sessions with friends and i currently have about 700+ tracks in the device.

5. Mont Blanc Wallet - I prefer to keep it to myself how i got this great wallet but as we all know, i have the usual suspects in here - student cards, ATM cards, identification cards, driver's licence and yeah, notes too... :)

6. Nokia E71 & Samsung Omnia 2 Mobile Phones - My elder brother sold me his almost immaculate E71 and up till today, i steal glances at this super sexy phone. This phone is very man, dude. I like the silver metallic (or platinum if i may put it) finish and how it gets away by looking like a Blackberry. And everyone knows how awesome a Samsung Omnia is. 'Enuff said. Ouh, don't ask me why i own TWO phones...

7. Yogi Bear Pouch - Like i have mentioned in the previous Bag Raid, i got this cool pouch for a steal at 4 bucks in Beach Road. I have my ointments, eye-drops, inhalers and aspirins stored in here. It used to hold rings but i figure it'll be better to act as a medication kit.

8. Sony Playstation Portable - I sold my wonderful turquoise PSP a few months back to commit a good deed and all i have here is its case and its 4GB memory stick in it. No worries, i can always buy a better advanced ones in the near future. I have no time on my hands to play a Tekken anyway...

9. Ricola's Limited-Edition Pastilles' Compact Tin - I believe this is still selling at some convenience stores. I find its American 60's era nostalgic imprints appealling and hey, it is a limited edition product. One can always store something else when the mints runs out. Like...condoms?

10. Car Key/House Keys - This is the key to my ride, a TWO-year old Suzuki Swift. Despite having a gorgeous Levi's pouch, i have dropped my car key a thousand times. It bears some scratches on it and i am still amazed how the keyless ignition sensor still works after some serious hard knocks and falls.

11. Fossil Diary, Notepads, Card Holders & Telephone Book - These are some of the basics that i have to have in my bag. I write lyrics and notes in the diary, store business contacts in my name card holder and for logical reason - have a phonebook that has my contacts as a back up. Just in case the phone gets crazy and decides to obliterate my relations with people.

12. Books - I spend a good portion of my time reading amazing books. Current favourites are the ones you see in the photo. I bought those from Times Newslink Changi Airport last year. It is only now that i started reading them.

13. Everlast Watch - I received this watch for my 25th birthday last year. I think silver-plated watches are appropriate for events of different themes. One can use it on a casual day out, a formal/dinner function...

14. Gucci Spectacles - I love this glasses. It's green and has gold details. Mom got it for me last year at the price tag of $375. I haven't found the opportunity to parade this because i am still using my DKNY & Emporio Armani ones (also pictured). Branded freak i know but the feeling of being 'atas' renders me the cheap thrill. Haha...

15. Pencil Case - I have crazy amount of pens in my collections and i have no idea why i keep buying stationeries and keeping them. I think this dysfunction attributes to the fact that i write daily and am also using a great deal of these for school.

16. Umbro Water Bottle - I don't quite like this as it takes a damn huge space in my bag. I think this will be more apt for a sports day out as it is able to contain more water to keep amateur athletes like me hydrated. I need to buy those portable looking Nike water bottles soon. Long as it fits in my bag. Wee...

17. Hairspray & Hair Wax - I have to carry these everywhere i go. I have this infatuation with hair products. As they say, the hair makes the man. Or something like that. And i also read somewhere that your hair will inform people of the kind of personality you have. That's why i take great length of care for my mane. If i don't have a good hair, i am not leaving the house. I swear by GoodLook's hairspray and Gatsby's hair wax (lovin' the gorgeous smell). Nothing expensive here but it works for me. :)

So, have you figured why i am leading a complex life?

Soup For The Soul

2009-10-13T23:51:00.007+08:00

My energy has ebbed away, forging its way into the blindness of the onyx night. If I had to be coerced into writing short stories of my erratic soul, my words will not reek kindness. I will be festered into launching a tempestous tirade and inflict an indelible wound on your heart.

This best sums up what i am feeling at the moment. I am done writing love theories and stories. Love has been nothing but a gargantuan and neurotic mechanics for me to understand. It is best to walk away from the mania of love if one can't handle the baggage that comes with it.

Well, life begins from now. I feel emancipated. For most of the part, i have been intent in my studies and wading through examinations. I am taking a hiatus from school - the new term begins sometime in April 2010. While the heavy load has been lifted off my shoulders, i am fearful that i cannot scrape through. One of the paper that i took sent me plummeting to a concaved abyss.

The primary consolation is i have done my utmost best, and what is done cannot be undone. I fervently believe in the karmic phrase of 'Things happen for a reason' anyway. Whether i pass or fail no longer falls along the perimeter of my jurisdiction. I can only pray for the planets alignment to be in favour of me. God will help the weak.

I am going to look for jobs from this week on. But at the same time, i am going to seriously unwind and take a much-needed breather. Failed relationships, gruelling examinations and personal finances can be disconcerting. I have been extravagant recently, and despite getting for myself things that i prolly don't need, money can only do so much to buy me happiness. Sure, i have a dream list of things that i have fulfilled, but at the end of the day, i realised these things offer a fleeting gratification. Since i now know i am averse to material things, then my idea of happiness has to comprise of the company of family, friends and loved ones.

The littlest things of having my partner or loved ones in the car and singing in unison our favourite songs, driving to the beach and famous supper joints, taking photographs for keepsakes, having laughters in wild abandon are some of the things i enjoy. I am a simple fellow - one who does not ask the sky from anyone. I just expect an incorporation of graciousness, civility, respect, loyalty, understanding and trust. If that is so hard to do, i urge you to walk out of my life.

Anyways, on a lighter side, the new season of First Class is truly a class act. I have always enjoyed sitcoms or dramas that centered on school environment. The show left me in stitches and i especially find the line uttered by an effeminate indian cast 'That's so racist!' funny. How exhilirating to have teachers with a motley crew of odd personalities (Julian Low is one cute dude!).

And the glory of 'Growing Up' has returned on daytime TV. This is one of the best shows Mediacorp has ever produced. I love it when such shows emote such nostalgic memories and watching Growing Up feels almost magical. Like we grew up with the Tay family you know?

Have a good wednesday. Because i will. :)))

Look out for future posts - My singing videos, The Malay Hunks Edition, My Top 12 Besties, Favourite Things Part 2, Resentment Theory Part 3 and a whole lotta fresh feeds... :)

Beauty Has A Price

2009-09-27T00:06:00.013+08:00

I am apprehensive about the impending examinations next week. I am fervently revising my notes and attempting to absorb the mathematics formulas like a sponge. I don't wish to falter in my studies. I may not be the incandescent student of the bunch, but i reckon i am able to live with the fact of bordering on average. Everything is get-go from two weeks ago, where i embarked on a rigorous regimen of studying. The Hari Raya celebrations does not faze me a bit. The mood for revelry has certainly abated with affrightful examinations in tandem of the event.

Nothing much transpired over the week. Aside from entertaining guests and prepping for the big test, i have indulged in retail therapy and buying heaps of t-shirts from NewUrbanMales.com. I am unsure why i am besotted with this label, but i figure the cutting and how the t-shirt fits one to a T speaks a damn lot. I have been buying t-shirts from so many other brands but more than often, the sleeves were too short, the colours were unkind on the skin, it does not hug your figure nicely and it does not complement your body shape. It's a whole new level with NUM. It is affordable, it befits the image of an urban male that i want to portray, it can come off as aesthetically-pleasing, it is unassuming, i am comfortable when clad in one and the brand is also associated with class and a dollop of sexiness. Can i say BVOOMZ? :)

Anyways, i am going to grab the Singapore Calendar Guys 2010, which is going to hit the stands next week. No, i am not idol-worshipping the calendar boys. It is more of an inspiration poster that motivates me to live healthy, stay healthy, and look healthy. Like it or not, reality bites. A good physique will always be the quintessential image that will please everyone. I want to be able to look as awesome as the models. I am far from lean, toned and buffed at the moment, but surely an ambitious boy like me can peek at the calendar now and then for some inspiration? Before you gravitate towards the idea of me being so gay in wanting men's calendar, whoever said they are exclusively for the other gender?

Yeah, i have those FHM calendar babes too, but what can i do with it? Dream of sleeping with any one of them or using it as a tool for self-gratification purposes?

Calendar Guys 2010

I cannot wait for the crowning of The New Paper New Face 2009 girl. I have been following the contest since primary school and it always amazes me the standard and quality of the girls grew by leaps and bounds from year to year. They will surely give any Miss Singapore Universe/World contestants a run for their money. I can easily rattle off the winners from the past - Julia Hodgekinson, Mariam Daskalopolou, Miriam Wright, Sophie Willocq, Katrina McCrindle, Nargis Musawwir, Shahirah Price...Funny how most of the winners from the millenium on are all muslim ladies who are of mixed parentage? However, my bet this year is going to be on Amelia Bones, Victoria Bradbury, Collette Caire Miles or Adelina Eliza. If you're aint of a mixed breed, you ain't the queen. :)

Pick 2, 6, 15 and 19

The other much-anticipated event in my calendar list is Mister Singapore 2009. Like The New Paper New Face contest, i have been keeping tabs on the the event for as long as i can remember. I don't know if i will be attending the finals next week. I am half-desperate to go because i am a pageant freak. Unlike New Face's event, whose tickets are not for sale and by-invitation-only, tickets can be easily obtained. The hitch is who can i go with and whether time permits. As you know, my hands are full in the forthcoming weeks...

The exclusive DVDs of the event that were not released commercially...Thanks to Men(yep, that is the production member's actual name) for the awesome DVDs...

Still on a beauty quest, America's Next Top Model Cycle 13 is already into its 5th episode. I am not going to spoil it for you but as the picture would tell you, Tyra Banks has dedicated the whole season and giving the opportunities for short models to pit themselves against cookie-cutter tall ones. I caught the show via YouTube and i am disappointed. It could be just me but i find short girls unattractive. I want a woman's woman. Being short is offensively a handicap i guess. And i am not enjoying Cycle 13. Bitches are aplenty on the show but being short, is just what it is. Just short on quality and becomes a shortfall of it all. What a boo. (hey Tyra, how about disabled models for cycle 14?)

Yes, book 'em & have them thrown to jail. What a disgrace...

And last but not the least, everyone is having a field day deriding a certain beauty queen for her abysmal diction and deplorable pronounciation of her language communication skills. I simply cannot comprehend how is this twit even going to represent Singapore when she sounds incoherent, less-than-articulate and come across as a blabbering idiot. I was forgiving when i realised the magnitude of her pathetic interview and how the whole population lambasted her for being unable to speak properly, let alone with class that befit a beauty queen. But it was her sordid criminal past overturned my sympathy into ire. She had a criminal record for the love of God. Never in the history of pageants a former criminal is allowed to take part.

If participants can be FORCED to drop-out due to exposed history of being married, having children, did nude photography and whatnot, i don't see why she should ever be given an opportunity and be excluded from the penalty. It is not like a 'moment of folly' single crime that was commited. But one that saw her being charged for more than 60 counts.

But the latest report on her insistence in retaining her crown and still headstrong in wanting to represent at the world's stage left me befuddled. She could have concede defeat graciously and pass on the crown to her second best. I don't know what to make of this. On one hand, a beauty pageant like the Miss World/Universe is supposed to confer the crown to a beauty queen who is intelligent, ambitious, possess an aura and feminine charm, one who have desire to make an impact with her community and country, display a gentle and demure disposition and someone who is impossibly graceful.

On the other, we should be forgiving and give a chance to people with a sorry past to turn their background as an educational tool and hope to inspire others to change for the better. But in this scenario, should this certain Ms Low ever go on to win the Miss World title, what will the world think of us? The fact that we have a shortage of smart and beautiful pool of beauties that we have to resort to send in candidate with a shocking past? I can only imagine the reverberating ripples.

To Ms Low, for your own interest, please step down graciously, lar. The biggest crime was you lied in your application form before you entered Miss Singapore. Period. We can overlook the crime-thingy but we don't want no lyin' & cheatin' queen. You no play fair one. Period.

And so your dream goes BOOMZ. Wake up and smell the teh-c already, heartland girl.

Festival Market

2009-09-20T03:54:00.006+08:00

Lights. Camera. Action.

I assume in every muslim household, the whole family is busy prepping for the big day later today. From the cooking worthy of a king's feast to the arrangement of festive kuehs, it truly is a celebration. Mother is the grand master chef and i believe right now she is still cooking up a storm for the guests arrival later in the late morning.

Don't ask me why i am fixated to the computer. I am running away from the housework. I don't know in what area will i be useful in. For all i know, i have never touched any home tools, good at cutting vegetables or in the kitchen for that matter, and help around with the cleaning of the house. I am bad at it. No, i am not behaving like a prince. I just don't like getting any part of me wet, dirty, sweaty and in grime. I just like to stay comfortable, clean, fresh and scent-smelling.

I am not really anticipating to go house-visiting in the afternoon. Because i am worn out since the whole of yesterday. The lack of sleep can turn me into a grouch and i will whine incessantly. I can easily snap when something is not in sync with my thoughts, emotion and situation. The roads better be clear from congestion and there better be parking lots available to whichever house the family is visiting. Anyways, how apt for my parents to pick the colour black for the baju kurung?

What else can be done during the house-visits? Same old shit stories will be exchanged. You eat the same cookies crap the previous house has served you, you are being force-fed out of formality's sake, the dizzying effect of the multi-hued walls of the many houses, the fcuking annoying 'Where are you working now?' conversation piece, the fake air kisses, the 'come see how fcuking cute is my newborn' topic, the crazy navigation in finding relatives' address whose street you never knew existed, trying your best to clarify that you are EDDIE and not your siblings for the fcuking trillion times to your relatives who keep forgetting who you are and entertaining the bloody kaypoh relatives who wanders around your house and checking the rooms like they are some mediums exorcising your rooms from some spirits.

And another. Lucky i drive. Pity those who don't. Or else it will be terribly 'kesian' should a family dressed in a uniformed 'green' or 'pink' baju kurungs step into an MRT and people may think they have just completed filming the latest season of Sesame Street or looked like they have just attended the pink parade. Sure, the burst of colours are fascinating to look at, but stick to the lighter tones ok. But it's okay i guess. You can wear it during hari raya 'thru Halloween. Budget mah.

I also hate it when during house-visits, people will promptly play some comedy DVDs and melodramatic Indonesian dramas. For God's sake. I don't have the whole year with you. Neither am i here for pyjamas party. Stick to the re-runs Suria Channel is playing. Or else i will get bored and go check out your rooms. You want?

Please ensure your tiny brats don't run around the house when i come. Or i will whack him with my Samsung Omnia 2. And don't repeat yourself for me to eat, eat and eat. I get it, i LOVE your spring rolls, you fcuk. Or something might have tasted funky. That's why i didn't. Maybe your 'obit' curtain colour or that grinning fugly spinster daughter of yours peeking behind the bedroom shut my appetite? Haha...

But i love Hari Raya, lar. I can play dress up and show irritating relatives what a mighty handsome young man i've grown to be. And no, i am not married and i am not seeing some ITE student damnit. Waaaa...

Oh dear, i've talked alot haven't i? And please, one last request.....Friends, DO NOT send me rehashed sms messages, that i've seen before six milleniums ago. And it makes it seem you are saying the same things like everyone did. Cheers to a fabulous holiday and stay off the sodas 'aite?!

Plastic kisses now...Muackzzz!

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri
Maaf Zahir Dan Batin
-Buat semua rakan-rakan dan kenalan Muslim saya-

Halalkan makan minum Eddie Yusoff, ye?

(Forgive me for things the i've said & done - Applicable to those whom i've offended. Life is too short. Don't hate me just 'cos i'm handsome. Kidding:)))

Life In Digits

2009-09-16T04:42:00.006+08:00

Go Figure

2 Diplomas in the fields of Mass Communication & Police Studies(undertaking) is what i majored in

12 BFFs i trust my life whole-heartedly

23 is the age when i bought my first car

14 the first time i fall in love

26 is the age of the woman whom i fell for

4 the number of times i took my driving test

32 is the planned age for me to complete my Degree

4 years i spent with the Singapore Police Force

2 mobile phone i currently own - Samsung Omnia II & Nokia E63

0 the times i lost a mobile phone

3 times a week i engage in my run

2 to 3 weeks once i go and get my haircut

1 the only person i truly and entirely loved with my heart broke up with me days before my birthday

3 the number of email accounts that i owned

5000+ the number of mp3s in my music library

5 the years i have abstained from consuming red meat and soda/carbonated drinks

3175 my lucky car plate number, which always appeared as the winning number for 4D

21 is the age i first started working

1 the only job i ever worked in - Singapore Police Force

500 is the number of cds in my collection

450 the number of contacts in my phone

8 the age i discovered what sex & masturbation were

6 the number of swimming trunks i own

5 the minutes i give someone to make a good first impression or else i 'll shoo them off from my elite & uncaring face

15,000 the amount i loaned from my mom & dad

0 is the chance i give to someone to set things right & explain themselves if they have offended, hurt or degrade me

12 hours i spend on the internet a day

2 hours are spent on watching TV a day

0 is the number of time i smoke/drink

2,000+ is the ideal salary for my future job

Touch The Sky

2009-09-15T00:43:00.003+08:00

The Graduate. Wee!

My Diploma in Mass Communication has been awarded. Patiently waiting for another - Diploma in Police Studies, from Temasek Polytechnic. Then off i scoot to pursue my B.A, apply to be a teacher or a journalist and then, will i even entertain ideas of settling down. Anyone who wants to marry me has got to wait for another SIX years at least, ok. Wakakakaka...

The Spirit, The Soul & Human

2009-09-02T02:58:00.003+08:00

I am good. Thank you my dear friends. You have borrowed me your ears, shoulders and mind to help me overcome my woe-begone in quick succession. I am immensely grateful for your continuing support and render me the warmest of solace in every way you could think of. The Facebook shoutout posts, by msn, by phone calls & texts, the meet-ups and what-have-you technological means to convey your comforting words are very much appreciated.

I am picking up the pieces and rebuilding my life. No, i am not suffering from an ailment, bankruptcy, family tragedy or degenerating my morals and buckled under the forbidden realms of crime. Rather, an evanescent union between my partner and i are superglued shut for nary a scant for resolvement and it has also produced numerous cracks which are beyond repair. I don't know what the future has in store for me. I don't wish to pin any hope that my partner would make a loyal comeback into my life. Because the higher you climb, the harder the fall.

I have retreated to my own little bubble and embark on a process of self-discovery through innocuous & stupendous encounters and priceless life experiences. And the journey continues through the words of my blog - written by a boy who dreams big, speaks less, listen a lot, writes to inspire, sometimes erratic, most of the time unpredictable, perpetually confused yet has the tendency to over-analyze things and offer abysmal two-cents, he who ravenously reads in earnestness, displays unfeigned arrogance even at a dimunitive pet peeve, gravitates towards the understanding of humankind, relishes in psychological order of Man, dedicates his life to an arduous journey of lifelong learning and he, i repeat, he who would trade his life for the benefits of his paramour. In layman terms - an emotional and sensitive person i am, therefore i could and would do anything for the one i love, in the name of love.

Back to business, yesterday i managed to tune in to OKTO channel's Human Spirit. The feature was on 'The Mermaid Girl', about the story of an eight-year-old girl, who was born without legs, but a fused limb resembling a mermaid's tail. The poor child have been consistently checking in and out of the hospital for operations, dialysis, therapy, check-ups and follow-ups, and i have such empathy towards her. No child at that age should suffer like she does. My heart ached watching the show. I teared during segments where she pleaded and cried for her mom while undergoing dialysis, and have to contend with numerous needles inserted on her. But she was a good sport. Despite being overwhelmed with several life-threatening ailments, her remarkable attitude and will to live paved the way for a more formidable human spirit.

We all go through some hardships in life, it is how you turn that experience into an education. Surely without falling, you'll never know how to stand. As with through the mistakes of others, will we learn. You'll never achieve success without failing at some point of time. And if you don't trust a try, how would you know what's coming for you? Your future is the dreams you make.

I shall leave you with a quote - ''Sometimes, God purposely hides the sun. And he brings thunder and lightning. We ask ourselves where could the sun have gone to...Alas, He actually wants to present us with rainbows after the storm.''

PS: In all honesty, visions of your laughter and smile soothes my longing. There is not a day the idea of you did not pay me a visit. I hate to admit it but i am very much still in love with you. But happiness is about setting your lover free to pursue what/who can make them happy. I hope you have found the answers on what love truly means through our memorable relationship. God Bless.''

The Flame Has Died

2009-08-29T22:40:00.005+08:00

''It's one thing to lose a lover, another to lose a friend. But it's worst to lose both...'' - A quote from you

Your words shun me to a distance. I resisted and i kept running back like a lost puppy. I cast aside my pride and dignity, ate copious load of humble pies and allowed myself to be blamed.
Why? Because i love you very much. I was still in your life right until today, as you do not have the means and will to treasure and cherish me like you were supposed to. I have tried everything to revive the relationship.

I have gone to great lengths to make it up to you. I did things beyond my normal practices and allowed my principles to be compromised in order to align myself with your ways. I have tried everything to salvage us.

Why am i being hurt when i have been the perfect gentleman for you? Where have i gone wrong? You claimed you still love me. But who loves someone yet ask for a breakup? Common sense tells you that if you love your partner, no matter what you still would want to be with him. You don't love somebody but wants him out of your life.

In a perfect world, it usually takes a single sacrifice from a lover to jolt his lover of his sincerity, love and faithfulness. In my circumstance, i have given up everything i own just to let you have your way. But there is nothing that you find extraordinary about it. You don't believe how committed i was to you.

I have tried to move from being lover to friends. I can't. Because i will still harbour feelings for you. It's hard to be impassive about it. The reason i have ceased my existance in your life is that i understand you don't want me to be clingy and continue to see you as a lover, one which i am unable to do.

And so i will be the one to walk away from it all. Again, another one of my sacrifice, in order to save the both of us. I hope you will forever remember me as the boyfriend who will move the world for you.

I have no regrets. I am not going to look back being bitter about the broken unity. I am never going to say i have wasted my investments. Because i want to remember the beautiful memories most.

Thank you for coming into my life when i wasn't looking. I love you very much but what else can i do? I don't want to love and not be loved. You still see me as someone at your disposal. It hurts losing both a lover and a friend.

I hope you will carry on without me from here. I know you are able to. I made the painful decision to erase myself from your life as friend that you've requested us to be, but i've tasted the worst medicine in getting the breakup notice from you. I am saddened that you declined to celebrate my 26th Birthday. The irony is we became a couple on the eve of your birthday, but we broke up on the days before mine. It is also agonizing to know there will be no Hari Raya as a couple for us.

Food, places and things i do will be a constant reminder of you but let it be beautiful memories, we keep.

I hope you will take good care of yourself. Don't skip your meals and staying out till late. I may not get to spend a lifetime with you, but i will get by fine. I hope you will learn to treasure the next man in your life, else it'll be nothing but nursing heartbreaks when he is gone.

Let me drift back into my own world. The world i have left behind in exchange for the one i have created with you. I don't want you to miss me. You will not see me in the flesh. For my existance will only be in your imagination and this virtual space.

I am missing you badly but what else could i have done? Let fate decide if it wants to reunite us back. If destiny has it for us to reconcile, then we will end up in a lover's bliss sooner or later. However, it is time to bow out now and seek enlightenment and do an earnest soul-searching. Take care of yourself, my love.

I am writing on a new page. And so i have closed this chapter.

Goodbye.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Claude Kelly - These Are The Signs

One month, four days and three hours since the time
that you left me sitting here wondering why.
Now I guess that some things happen for a reason
but I can’t see how this has a brighter side.
God knows I’ve been let down before,
but nothing like this, oh no.
Seems like all I have in store is pain, cause…

When nothing helps you to get through the night,
When you can’t eat, ain’t got no appetite,
When your friends try to come around,
but even they can’t make you smile.
These are the signs (these are the signs),
these are the signs (these are the signs),
these are the signs of a broken heart.

One month, four hours, three days since I found,
what you been really doing when you go out of town.
Finally, I see, that she,
must have been the woman you been with,
all the times you weren’t around.
God knows I’ve been let down before,
but never like this, oh no (Oh no).
Seems like all I have in store is pain, cause…

When nothing helps you to get through the night,
When you can’t eat, ain’t got no appetite,
When your friends try to come around,
but even they can’t make you smile.
These are the signs (these are the signs),
these are the signs (these are the signs),
these are the signs of a broken heart.

I hate to admit it, but it seems,
All the love symptoms I’ve found in me,
Like I cant eat, I can’t sleep,
and sometimes it’s hard to breathe.
Even a fool could tell my heart is broken in,
a million pieces.

When nothing helps you to get through the night,
When you can’t eat, ain’t got no appetite,
When your friends try to come around,
but even they can’t make you smile.
These are the signs (these are the signs),
these are the signs (these are the signs),
these are the sïgns of a broken heart.

Weaving Fabrics of Dreams

2009-08-23T00:48:00.012+08:00

A short shoutouts to anything & anyone that matters:

- Happy 26th Birthday to me...I get to live another year of good health :)
- A heartfelt congratulations to my bestie, Noridzwan for his wonderful marriage (ICT killed my attendance. Sorry... :((()
- Congratulations to me in being promoted to a Corporal (NS) ...Thank you for the wonderful appraisals, Shahrul & Nathan :)
- Congratulations to me for completing my Diploma in Mass Communications
- Congratulations to me for topping the class for one of my TP's course subject
- A big Thank You to Chelsea & Izarnawi for standing by me through the storms of my life
- Elated in welcoming the resurrection of a bona fide diva's solo album in 8 years, Ms Whitney Houston
- Finally, have a blissful & blessed month of Ramadhan

God Bless.

And i will always be here waiting for you to come back to my arms.
I hope you like the gift from the heart.
I love you.

I Look To You

2009-08-19T01:34:00.003+08:00

I pray you'll find the happiness you've been looking for. I hope you lead a meaningful and wonderful life.

I am sorry for hurting your feelings. I will take responsibility for my actions. Please forgive me.

This is an ending i wasn't expecting. But i will live with it. I will make it through the storm. I shall get by fine.

Take care of yourself.

I LOVE YOU, H.

Resentment Theory II

2009-08-16T14:30:00.006+08:00

I Hate The Part When...Part TWO
1. People who reply to my sms with just the letter 'K', as in OK, when they are confirming or agreeing to something. Fcuking annoying. Why waste a few cents just to respond me with a single letter word?
2. The lift stops at every floor during its descend, on days when you are in a hurry. Even more worse when the lift door opens to find nobody entering.
3. Someone's 'chipmunk' version ringtone of a top 40 hit ringing in public places. It is so fcuking NOT CUTE. I repeat, it is FCUKING NOT CUTE.
4. Any songs by Akon, Rihanna, Lady Gaga, Chris Brown or Sean Kingston screams MAT & MINAH MELAYU to me. Overrated and overbearingly annoying.
5. Malay families who name their newborns Danish, Qistina, Mikhail, Danial, Akeelah, Amani...It is so year 2000. The makciks ain't got no creative juice flow. And there are a lot of Shafeekas running around Singapore. STOP IT SIAKKK!!!
6. We get an overdose of the unfunny Suhaimi Yusoff on every TV channel.
7. People who munch loudly on their popcorn, chips or crackers in the cinema. I really feel like setting fire on them in the dark.
8. Singtel Grid Girls 2009. Fake American twang + Bimbo + Below average looks = Plastic Stupid B**ch.
9. The equally attention-seeking plastic woman - Maia Lee - A former Singapore Idol contestant who sports tattoo and a resident columnist in Stomp.com.sg
10. People who drive Mazdas & Subarus - With a red plate, no less. Enough said.
11. Ugly boys wearing New Urban Males t-shirts. Don't make me get epileptic fits at the sight of your hideous MRT 'langgar' face and that shapeless body in that delicious and fabulous tee.
12. China National bus drivers. I say - Does this bus go to certain places? You reply - I don't speak english. What the fcuk is going on?! Pass me the steering wheel and let me drive myself there you moron.
13. Irrelevant, unnecessary and bullshit Facebook quizzes. I don't understand why some people can brag and boast on the quizzes' results shoutout box. Example - The results of your taken quiz says 'You are the most experienced in bed'. Then you would post something like 'Damn. I know i am good.' YEAH RIGHT, MOTHERFCUKERS.
14. Student designers helming the Miss Singapore Universe costume design to be represented at the world competition. The merlion-inspired gown still leaves me traumatized even after a year on. Anti-depressant pills on standby everytime. Give me what the doctor gave Michael Jackson. To end my misery once and for all. Or lend me your Prada pump shoes. To whack the fcuking bitch who designed THAT YEAR'S costume.
15. The holy trinity of the branded monk, CEO with the gold tap and the dis-illusioned woman who claimed of a forceful restraint by church exorcists. The word 'Swindler' is such a vogue term.
16. The incessant Mafia Wars, Pet Society, Farm Town invitation from friends on Facebook. Leave me alone, you dick. I have no time to send you a corn, cow or chicken.
17. My coins accidently spills to the floor. On a crowded place. How irritating is that?
18. Malaysian chinese girls who thinks naming themselves after pub hostess-inspired moniker is ultra cool. Think - Rainbow Chan, Fansy Chua, Destiny Goh, Cheer Ang, Elderweiss Lim, Diva Seow, Harmony Woon, Elvee Ng... Spare me the tacky names, girls. How about Fungus, Vagina, Sphyllis, Bacteria, Dragonfruit or Oxymoron for a suggestion?
19. Flyers, pamphlets and brochures still get shoved into my letterbox despite locking the mailbox's peephole. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I AM NOT SELLING MY FLAT YOU MONSTERS!
20. The Ridhuan Family restaurant in Changi Village. Poor & sloppy customer service + Rude owner + Late sending of food even when patrons are just a handful + Bland food = A FCUKING SHAME.
21. Cars on Hazard light are parked on a two lane road. I hope you people get crashed by some trailers someday.
22. Jack Neo's 'Where Got Ghost' film. Bloody waste of time and money. Does not even deserve a 0.0001 rating. Total flat humour. As in Seletar Airport's runway flat. A fcuking national disgrace.
23. People who don't shave turns me off. Guys with hairy nipples? Eurgh. Women with armpit hair? Double Eurgh. I seriously think the only hair women should keep IS ON THEIR HEADS.
24. Sometimes, you will come across a woman and her child entering the lift with you, or they happened to be next to you at some place. Somehow, in a show of uppity classy act, which is fcuking repulsively fake, the woman, usually Chinese or Malay, will suddenly morph into an angmoh and converse with her child in thick & crisp put on American accent. Eg, ''Boy, mommy wants you to say thank you whenever someone holds the lift's door'' or ''Mommy wants you to behave yourself'' or ''I want you to eat a proper lunch before mommy gets you that candy''. Bitch. I should have just kick you out from the back or whack you with my NTUC reusable grocery bag. Now that is what i call a twang, when the sound of that bag hits your Asian face, you moronic demon.
25. People who think they are more intelligent and better than me. I see no competition, bitch. Get out of my elite & uncaring face.

ELEVATION

2009-08-15T16:32:00.001+08:00

I am back to civilian life. It has been an arduous and lengthy stay in camp for my reservist. I am literally languishing. I suffered a bout of rashes, oily skin, an uneven tan, colossal mosquito bites that does not seem to recede and it also took some heavy beating on my restitution.

But that's not the end of it folks. How can i forget the sleep deprivation, the incessant toiling and handling of heavy and bulky army equipments, the scorching sun, the uncomfortable perspire soaked socks, the overnight stay at the oufields of Lim Chu Kang and the rigid bunk's mattresses? However, i am not burdened. Neither am i anal about these nitty-gritty issues. It's part and parcel of military life. I wasn't signed up to retreat to a resort in the first place. My single grouse would be my technology detachment - the holy trinity of the internet, camera phone and television. Plus i need back my freedom thank you.

I enjoyed the TWO weeks nontheless. It keeps me updated and polished on military policies and standpoints. Familiarizing myself on the advancement of military equipments and technology, weaving memories all over again with fellow soldiers and most importantly, getting the job done with pleasing results. I may whine a great deal over the tormenting orders but my principle is - either i do a very good job or i don't do one at all.

Towards the end of my reservist, which was yesterday, i had received a glorious pre-birthday pressie. I was promoted to Corporal. This a great deal to me. It means my efforts and contributions are recognized and appreciated. Everyone knows it takes some wonderful appraisals to elevate a soldier's rank. And only the best few will actually be conferred with such rewards. I mean, the general population of NSMen will step down with the rank they are holding from their active days. I have some big shoes to fill and your best bet is i will fill it nicely. Now time to reach for one notch higher - a sergeant rank. :)

The other piece of good news is my good classmate Raidah, congratulated me for being the top student in the class for a certain semestral test paper. It felt good. It has always been my mission to ace any given test papers and i am glad my brain function is operationally ready and productive. I hope i can lend a helping hand to the few who requires my help in their languge skills because after all, most of my classmates have assisted me in one way or the other for my mathematics paper and assignments.

Well, from now until the dreaded month of october - the examinations, i will be engaged with revisions and studying. Because i want to graduate and i want to be at the finishing race and say, whatever dreams i have, i can reach for it. I have a job to do and things are looking up so far. I still can see through the rain.

Now, countdown to my birthday with me people.... :)

''The promise of a perennial happiness that you are able to shower me will be the ultimate birthday present.''

Act of Redemption

2009-07-31T04:24:00.000+08:00

The compelling news throughout the whole week certainly spurred me to dish out my angst-ridden, rude and uncaring reposte. First up - the sexy raunchy tyrsts of the inmates of Changi Prison. Sodomy, forced masturbation and consensual oral sex? I have been intently following the case right until the much anticipated judgement. The sordid liaisons behind closed doors or iron-grilled bars for that matter, actually serves a more truthful insight on the clandestine life of a jailbird.

For the love of GOD, these are straight guys relishing in illicit activities. Sure, sexually deprived men can be hard to tame. But engaging in mutually gratifying acts reeks of homosexual tendencies. In layman terms - men doing men. Thugs gone gay? Spare me the buffed, ribbed and muscles glory outlook, boys. Frankly speaking, we men are sometimes discreetly gay. We all have our feminine side.

We play towel whiplash in the showers, we check out each other's schlongs in the urinals (the bigger, the envier one gets), we strip naked our victims in the name of ragging, we know mutual jerk-offs do occasionally occur in all-boys school, we hit the gym on the pretext of working out, but in actuality we want to show-off our hard-earned Adonis bodies and for other men to ogle and gawk at our physiques, we have - at one point of time played some pranks that encompass sexual-connotations on our fellow recruits (more than often - the weaklings) - by putting toothpaste on the genitals while they're asleep for instance back during our NS Basic Military Training, some of us trawl Changi Village and solicit for sex with trannies (technically trannies are MEN too), sprawling grafittis which renders sexual services on the walls of the men's toilet (do they have similar stuff going on in the ladies?)and yes, going by the many explicit homemade videos starring several actors and almost always a single actress in the play being devoured by the lot, i cannot offer a more substantial evidence to back up my claims.

I am not against anyone who fervently believed the world is made of Adam & Eve. However, it isn't that demeaning if it becomes Adam & Steve too. But i have a fervour to rap people who cannot accept someone just because they cannot accept his sexual orientation. I hate these ultra orthodox religious group who preaches morality rights upon sexually deviant homosapiens and besieged them with words of God and attempting to show them the one true path. Seeking happiness in life is vital in one's life. Being in love with the same gender isn't a sacrilegious act. It is merely welcoming the other 50% of the population to share their love with you.

I am fully aware that consensual oral sex is legal between a man & a woman. But when it is between men, it is considered illegal in the acute eyes of the law, lapped up with the 'unnatural sex' tag. While gay marriages is a bit overbearing of a vision for it to conceptualise here in Singapore, we shouldn't pin and penalise the gay community and for it to be deemed a sexual misconduct. It is offensive to categorize oral sex between men a 'disgusting, revolting act'. Then why is prostitution a legal trade in Singapore? I hear the streets of Geylang is a licensed lascivious revue of prostitution. Foreign girls playing the hearts of our grandaddies of their CPFs? Pathetic? Yes. Contradiction? You bet.

I know i am getting brickbats on my side of the fence, because as a Muslim, we only believe in the unity of a man and a woman. But sometimes, we cannot betray our feelings. Because if we do, then we are not being truthful and fair to ourselves. Then the life we lead will be a sham, as that isn't the life we want to lead as oppose to conforming to a generic, typical way of living.

I have no qualms being at the mercy of your antagonistic objections. I do believe in equality and upholding rights. I embrace freedom of personal pursuits. I am hoisting liberation for all its worth. I advocate happiness and believe we are all entitled to a fair judicial system of life. I am an activist when it comes to pressing issues of the heart.

''Don't judge a book by its cover. Instead, look beyond the first page and try to read what that book is all about.''

God Bless.

4 Now & 4ever

2009-07-28T13:41:00.004+08:00

Happy fourth monthsary to us, H.

Thank you for standing by me throughout the turbulent times. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being in my life.

I LOVE YOU.

(PS: Yes, we have reconciled and reunited in a lover's bliss. :)))

Flags Up

2009-07-28T01:45:00.005+08:00

I've just found out my blog was flagged. Apparently some blog posts of mine causes a blood boil and raised eyebrows. I am stupefied. I agree there were some posts of social abhorrence. And I don't deny my commentary leaves a bitter taste for the relative subjects. However, i believe even in the most malicious of post, i have my every rights to be outspoken. The protagonists in my bone of contentment, my grouse and my caustic insults are usually not identified by their names. Think again before you try to flag me.

This a social commentary. My role is to discuss the idiosyncratic habits, lifestyle and lives of people worth to be in the center of the talking point. I also believe in the freedom of speech, albeit adherence to restraint is quinessential in our country. Don't hate if you feel offended. A blog is supposed to be a personal domain where one can pen about everything under the brilliant blue sky. The best policy is to refrain from visiting my blog if you think you are going to be feel degraded.

Don't earmark me unnecessarily. Unless you can substantiate your inhibitive ill-judgement, i will take you on. Bring me to the ring. Prove that i have caused oppressions. Lead me to the part of transgression. Show me the lucidity of your poor beliefs. Walk the talk and come right out of it like a real man. Don't fight me like a bitch.

I can safely content with your interest in following my blog. Thank you for your keen interest in my hip and definitive blog. I will continue to dispense succulently scandalous posts for your daily feeds and in no way at all, i repeat, no (four letter word here + ing) way will i be ironbound and play it safe to conform to your principles. I beg to differ.

Wassalam.

Being Gay Is Happy

2009-07-20T01:20:00.009+08:00

It is timely i guess. Exactly a month from today, i will celebrate my 26th Birthday. Just like i have said it, i am not going to throw a party and be merrymaking with dear friends. I, however will plan a low-key event in the company of BFFs, that special someone or even with my family. Just a dinner affair or a late-night supper will suffice.

Material things are of no prime importance to me. I don't need to anticipate stupendous gifts and i wasn't raised to hanker for the luxurious of products either. Yes, previous posts bears testament to my penchants for designer labels - but then again, i had to work hard for it. I paid with my blood, sweat, energy and whatever i can trade for them. Alas, that was then, this is now.

Now that i am older and wiser, i am not a frivolous bigot after all. I live simply now. I will content with perfect health, getting by the day acquiring knowledges through my lifelong study pursuits, always have the best people rallying around me throughout my life and figuring day to day on how i can utilize this lifetime. I mean, having hot tea and with the newspaper standing by me for my morning feed is relatively happiness to me.

When i need to let off steam, i seek gratification in my daily runs - sweating off the kilos, traversing the unforgiving distance. Choreographing dance moves satiates me. Or plug in to my favourite songs, that i can hum along with sheer abandon. Karaoke-ing with the besties forges closer bond with one another. And preening in front of the mirror renders me cheap thrills too. Because most of the time i like what i see - bless the personality staring back at me. Now that is happiness to me too. Trust me, it's the egoistical maniac speaking. :p

Besides that, being in the heartland plazas, strolling along Pasar Malams(night markets), paying a visit to Changi Village, going to the beach and even watching sweaty NS recruits booking in and congregating at Pasir Ris Interchange every sunday evening warms the heart as well. It became a throwback euphoria and makes me reminisce my army days in bittersweet glory. Truly an incredible feeling.

One Diploma down, another one from Temasek Poly to go. You can take a cruel jab at me and berate or mock at me for being silly, backwards or lunge a slew of other demeaning vocabulary that you can exhaust. Think of it this way.

I am not wasting time studying for TWO Diplomas. And of diverse fields at that. Wouldn't you envy me for being a scintillating intellectual who can boast of specializing in both Mass Communications and Police Studies? Wouldn't it be awesome to have an extra field/credentials in your resume which will boost your chances of landing that dream job? If i was a HR officer, i would certainly select the candidate who has the most remarkable of CV. By that, i mean the one who has the bit of an edge over the rest. Point taken?

Anyways, i have to address this one query that people has besieged me with. Do i bat for the other team? Frankly speaking, it is of no business of mine to deflect or admit. If i am seen with a buxom and leggy beauty, then i am heterosexual by all accounts. If i have feelings for the same gender, then i am suspiciously gay and you have the prerogative to deduce your own incertitude. Well, it's a barbarous world. You admit, you get brickbats, you withheld your identity and refuse to cave in, you get more brickbats. You vehemently deny and insist you're straight, you get enough bricks thrown at you, just enough to build a small bungalow.

It feels overwhelming and flattering to have people adamantly trying to fish out your sexual identity. Gosh, thanks for making me feel like a celebrity. Whatever aspersions that you may cast, you heard it from the horse's mouth. Figure it out on your own. There.

My principle is straightforward - Why cut yourself off to the 50% of the population who can love you?

Get smart and get the metaphor. Gay or not, it is still a happy word. Aaah...the bubble of a world that Eddie lives in. Hee...

Aite, take care for now and God Bless, people.

PS: Get well soon, dear. I miss you a lot. :)))))))))))))

Urban Legend

2009-07-10T07:10:00.010+08:00

Our soldiers died in peacetime more than in a war. This is in reference to the slew of news report of tragedies betiding in our own army men's backyard. I am sharp-witted when it comes to recollecting incidents that transpired in the SAF. These incidences compeled me to dispense my two-cents worth and offer you an insight of my own.

The string of events that occured does transmit the inevitable fear virus. The common complaints among parents would be - Would my son get abused by the higher ranking personnels? Will they over-exert my son during exercises, trainings and drills? Will my son be in good hands when he handles the M16 rifles and live grenades? Will there be adequate safety measures put in place?

I understand the host of questions being pelted towards MINDEF. Because we have read of one too many deaths in the army organization. And we cannot deem it an isolated occurance. Several incidents of mishap includes;

1) The dunking case, where a trainee died
2) The recent case of a parachutist who crash-landed to his death
3) The CPL who was mysteriously found at the foot of his bunk's building, resulting him in a comatose state, thus his distraught parents sued SAF for being responsible for his condition
4) The recruit who collapses at the SAF Ferry Terminal during a book-out and subsequently breathed his last when doctors couldn't revived him
5) The Land Rover which pinned a 2LT during an inspection to death
6) The frequent cases of officers/recruits suffering heart failure and died during running/jogging activities
7) The Navy ship mishap which collided with a boat of sorts and killed THREE personnels in the process back in the year 2002
8) The military aircraft that crashes into the army's logistic warehouse killing TWO lower-ranked personnels during an overseas training attachment in Taiwan
9) The tragic case of Captain Allan Ooi who committed suicide by jumping off a bridge in Australia, citing in his email 'depression in having to serve out his bond'
10) The near-death incident where a recruit let slipped a grenade just a few inches away from them, which exploded seconds after hitting the ground (A quick-thinking officer ducked both of them down, miraculously cheating injuries or even death)

A further listing will leave a trail of disturbances and shocks.

Anyone who has gone through National Service can confidently tell you that safety is paramount in all trainings. Most of the time, it is over-emphasized with superiors breathing down your neck and instilling menacing threats, so as to remind them on the severity of punishments, should a blunder be made.

Who takes responsibility when another fallen soldier is decorated in death? We will never be activated to go to war in the name of defense for our country. Therefore, no lives will be lost there. But it seems unnerving to read news of abrupt deaths in the army.

Pity on the passing of our young and innocent men who perished while serving their duties to the nation. I am sure MINDEF is not entirely responsible for the chain of events, and that it has always done all it could to render assistance to the respective grieving families. While some will beg to differ that the onus still falls on the army's organization to protect its soldiers, i choose to refute this. These cases has somewhat marred the army's image and reputation. It is common. People used to celebrate the glorious advancements and achievements of our army, but it usually takes one single slip-up to negate everything else, hence seeing the army in a different light.

To corroborate my dissent, in the case of the Captain Ooi who committed suicide, how can anyone blame SAF when he chose not to approach psychological help in dire depression? MINDEF has issued a statement that personnels have the prerogative to break their bonds, backed up with substantial reasons and subjected to approval. But he ranted in his final email over the troubles he faced. YOU HAVE A CHOICE MY FRIEND.

Another recent death, of 2LT Nicholas who were pinned to death under a land-rover should not be the responsibility of SAF. Safety precautions are mandatory in every military workshops. And any infringements are reported swiftly and warrants a heavy punishment. His death could have been evaded if only he had followed the safety guidelines of - PUT A WHEEL CHOCK UNDER ALL VEHICLES, WHENEVER UNDER REPAIRS OR EVEN WHEN IT IS STATIONARY OR PARKED OVERNIGHT. Was it plain negligence or should his superiors be answerable for his death?

I also support SAF who cannot be held responsible in the dunking case, the navy ship collision, the parachutist tragedy. Because these are the consequence of human error and miscue. In the same breath, SAF would have to explain the harsh trainings that victimized our soldiers. There are far too many cases of Recruits, Warrant Officers and others who suffered cardiac arrests and died during an activity, widely reported mostly during a routine run.

I shudder. Because i firmly believe many more misadventures will be reported in times to come. I can only urge my army, firefighter and police regulars friends to abide vehemently of their workplace guidelines and policies, do not practise complacency and follow intently to instructions.

I fear the day would arrive, startling me during my daily morning read, while staring at the page of a news-report of someone i know, dying a cruel death yet again in the course of duty. I pray for the safety and well-being of my fellow soldiers. And for the fallen soldiers who perished then during the Japanese occupation war and now, in peacetime.

Rest In Peace, too, MJ.

And I LOVE YOU H. Like i always do.

EPIPHANY

2009-06-27T10:27:00.015+08:00

The first half of the year wasn't exactly rosy. What do you make of the dismal economic crisis, the flu outbreak, the recent passing of a music icon and personally, on my part, suffering a break-up? I am so affected one way or the other. If you are not, i can only gather that you've been living under a rock in Pulau Sudong, hiding in some caves in Ipoh or have been meditating in the mountains of Bukit Batok.

Ask me how affected i am, and i can yield a list and shove it up your face. It's like a bad fengshui you know. Like all this while i've been hanging my underwear facing the house's front door. Or i don't have enough daylight seeping through my bathroom. Sort of. I don't know. I need to shift something around. Blah.

Ok, first up, the impending examinations. Frankly speaking, i haven't lift a finger when it comes to revisions. I am not fervently chanting sutras(as in notes and textbooks in this case) for the dreaded papers either. I'm the type who would study at the eleventh hour. I know it is not a healthy move, and a straight A student from Katong Girls will certainly geek-slap me with her Biology Ten-Year series for practising such incorrigible habit. Hey, at least i am able to produce results when under duress. I don't hanker for gold 'cos i am self-content with a passing grade. Chinchye la! (My Graduation Project is on Homosexuality & The Third Gender...Don't ask! Heez...)

Apart from gritting over the exams, seeking employment suddenly becomes paramount when stacks of bills and debts are hovering above you. I am unsure if i am the finicky sort when it comes to jobs. But it sure does from the way i see it. Hundreds of companies are hiring but then again, i resolute not to work in a line i have no desire to be in. The idea of part-time job does not fancy me a bit. When i seek for employment, i don't mean a job. I WANT a career as i would want to remain in the organization in the longhaul.

I am patiently waiting for a good one to come my way but if push comes to shove, i'll degrade myself and maybe go serve chicken wraps in Taco Bell, groom your fugly pet chinchilla, work with the incredulous english-speaking china girls and concoct bubble teas, do lap dance for $4 per grind at a discreet gay bar in Tanjong Pagar, thrust life insurance policies on best friends' faces or be Sakura Teng's backup dancer. Ok what!

I am indignant that my forthcoming birthday bash is remotely impossible to be celebrated this year. I am going to attend my ICT for a couple of weeks leading up to my 26th Birthday. And also, the fasting month is two days away from my birthday. I mean, i have to be mindful and respectful of the holy month right? So, no glitteratis and a pompous affair, folks. My drag show performers and slutty dancers will be on a hiatus this year. Sexy, thumping r&b music will not be reverberating at Chalet K too. Damn it, and no pressies to be expected. But hey, i am not all anal about it. Just remember 20th August ok?

Apart from graduating from MDIS, i am eagerly anticipating Whitney Houston's new album - Undefeated. I am no ardent fan of hers. Today's music market is predominatly saturated with hip-hop, r&b, pop and rock. The feel good music of late 80s and early 90s needs to make a comeback. Remember unpretentious love songs like I Have Nothing, Where Do Broken Hearts Go?, I Believe In You & Me and the works? We want some old school flavor, man. When it was all dramatic vocals. I am sure Whitney Houston will still be relevant in today's generation. Nobody sings ballads with such conviction. The voice will be resurrected in September 2009. Catch the album drop. I hear the song 'I Look To You' is going to be insanely awesome. Don't disappoint, girl.

Is it just me or do you also find the Marina Bay Sands an eyesore? Why the fcuk is it being constructed there? Driving along Benjamin Sheares bridge is a doldrums affair now. You can't see no bitch of the panoramic business district no more. The breath-taking sights are now blocked. I hated it. Don't we all use to gawk at the illuminating commercial buildings along the Singapore Rivers whenever our taxi ride trundles along the bridge? Pull it down and build it on the left(where the Marina Barrage is) for the love of GOD!

Sailing into the second half of 2009, my goal is to acquire a swimmer's body. I am going for a bronzed look too. I have piled on, no thanks to the regular night suppers. Lucky the buddy and i are run enthusiasts. If not, i would have been a fat wreck now. Eurgh. Anyway my promise is to flaunt the killer body, in sexy trunks, no less, when i am more defined. Come back and watch this space four months later. The whore will be doing a happy flesh parade.

For an update on my relationship status, H and i are maintaining a healthy relationship. Even though we broke up, we are in harmonious companionship of each other. In fact, now we meet more often than we were a couple. The love i have for H has grown by leaps and bounds. I have decided not to look the part of a friend and see H in a different light. I am still behaving like the boyfriend. The peculiar thing is, i have become more responsible, loving and caring than i've ever been and i have changed my ways all because of H. I don't ever want to lose H and i will do everything in my will to preserve H's happiness.

H, sorry for being a complete asshole. Sorry i made you cry then. Sorry for the things i have said & done. We may not be a couple now but i appreciate that you are still there for me, seeing me like i've never left your side. I hope we will be reunited as one in a lover's bliss in the future. Like we have uttered, let's take one day at a time. I LOVE YOU.

Anyways...
Megan Fox is HOT...
Megan Fox is HOT...
Megan Fox is HOT...
Megan Fox is HOT...
Megan Fox is HOT...
Megan Fox is HOT...
Megan Fox is HOT...

I slept through Transformers 2 in the cinema. Can you believe it? Megan Fox on the chic bike makes the 10 bucks ticket worth it. I am second with the critics who has heavily panned the movie. The movie went from a war of machines against machines to a war epic of sorts when the US soldiers moved in for the battle. Awesome meh? I rather pay to watch Channel 5's drama - Red Thread on DVD. At least hearing Aileen Tan's speaking in english is way riveting and suspenseful. I pray for G. I Joe to fare waaaaaaaaaay better.

Farewell for now, motherfcukas.

P.S: Hydir Idris will win Anugerah 2009. Bet your money on the horse. Obviously. (Sorry, Idris & Yanie...you guys are still the special few of my talented friends after all... :)

Band Of Angels

2009-06-20T21:01:00.006+08:00

I had taken a nap this afternoon when this song sprung out from the tv set. The song touches me there & then. I remember waking up feeling an amalgamation of sadness, being heartbroken, remorseful, regret and feeling a great loss. The feeling was exquisite 'cos it sure does feel like i am still in a relationship, and that both of us never left each other. The song keeps playing in my mind and i do want to dedicate this to H. The irony is that this song best describe our relationship's situation.

Today's post is unintentional, as i wanted to retreat momentarily and do some self-reflections. Somehow, forces of love seeps in and tugged my heart. I will be back being myself and pen the usual contemporary and current issues when the hurricane is over. For now, let me wage a war on my own emotions and take on this battle with the bravado of a knight.

Sorry H, i can't move on. I have promised to take care of you in good and bad times, and be with you in every step you may take. Don't worry a thing okay? I will be right here waiting to catch your fall, reaching out my hand and walk you home, and welcoming you in my arms anytime you needed it. I LOVE YOU. Lagu ini buatmu... :(:(:(

Cinta Terakhir - Aiman

Kau cinta pertamaku
Kau cinta terakhirku
Tiada apa yang bisa
Menafikan kasih kita

Kau ayu di mataku
Satu antara seribu
Tiada tara di dunia

c/o
Mungkin kan terputus di tengah jalan
Mungkin kan terlerai tanpa ikatan
Usah ragu dengan takdir

Kau ayu di mataku
Satu antara seribu
Tiada tara di dunia

Mungkin kita kan berbeza haluan
Berakhirnya cerita percintaan
Segalanya ketentuan Tuhan

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And definitely a worthy mention for the buddy, Shawal...

You have kept my sanity intact with your pleasurable company. You've seen me through the highs & lows of my life. You've watched me rise and fall from grace.

You are the friend i never had. You dispense comforting words and encouraged me to stay strong and optimistic thru' it all. Your friendship with me is priceless and one that i will value very much.

Somehow i feel you are one of the more important people in my life only because i met you the same time i got to know H. The bridging is there and both of you fostered a link with me and i see the worth and emotional connection with both. One is a lover, the other is a buddy for life. Needless to say, you've documented my journey thus far and thank you for accepting my erratic personality and understanding me as a whole person.

You believed that i can take a bullet for you? You've thought right. I will take care of the people who mean the most, matters the most and the ones who walks with me to discover my life's lessons definitely will be the ones i treasure for life.

Thank you for the awesomeness moments.

(Ps: Don't ever let me find my ehem pic circulating somewhere eh?) ;)

A Beautiful Pain

2009-06-18T12:23:00.009+08:00

A hauntingly beautiful song from Dato' Siti Nurhaliza - Melawan Kesepian (Overcoming The Loneliness). I hope this song touches the very depths of your heart and also make you feel elevated by her mesmerizing vocal and meaningful lyrics.

I couldn't find a more perfect song to describe the exact state of my mind, in overcoming the loneliness of not having H in my life. I hope H will understand that my feelings will never change and that i will wait for as long as forever for my love to take me home.

I LOVE YOU :(:(:(

The Big Bang

2009-06-17T02:06:00.005+08:00

Fcuk. I hate the month of June. Nothing seems to work out on my end. I have been succumbing to despair and nursing heartaches, that i have lost touch with reality. Sure, many other things happened apart from my melodramatic love life. But i had chosen to dedicate my current posts to my beloved significant other because i figured nothing requires more attention than affairs of the heart, right?

For the record, H and i have called it quits for now. We are giving each other the time and space. I don't know how many light years i have to wait for H to take me back. I am leaving my future in the hands of time. They say if someone is meant for you, at the end of the day, that person will very much end up with you. Things happen for a reason, i supposed. It will suck for me to move on because for sure i am willing to reconcile with H. Until the day comes(which i so will curse!), should we find our respective partners, i will be right here for now and the distant future. Ain't looking elsewhere. Ain't going nowhere. I will wait patiently. Sorry hor, i am faithful to you, okay! ;)

But i really love the idea of acting normal like we always do. Doesn't mean you would need to change your reactions and behaviour to someone you used to call your lover, now that you've stayed as friends. In reality, the wet kisses, intense hugs or affectionate terms of endearment will have to be modified, but really, who cares of all that? Just make sure one has to bear in mind of not keeping the emotional baggage. Oh well, only i understand.

School's a bitch. I can't keep up with the lectures. The lecturer is going at a breakneck speed. I barely gained momentum on last week's topic, now i have to catch-up with the new ones. I would have gone bonkers if not for the support of my fabulous classmates. Namely, Szanthiah - who offered me the warmest of advice and priceless words of wisdom when she found out of my relationship woes, Juraidah - my affable mathematics class buddy, Aruna - our intelligent and saving grace in problems solving, to the abang CD who kept thrusting photocopied formulaes notes onto my palms out of his own goodwill. Bless these people's hearts and souls. They have been gracious.

Oh man. There they go again. My TP classmates asked me if i were a Filipino. They said i look and speak like one. Sure i talk like i am some renowned rocket scientist. But let me reiterate, i have no freakin' idea how my accent came about! Serious shit. My only arsenal is i have an expansive vocabulary, i always try to speak professionally and with a swagger, i converse smartly and almost always impress my listeners when due. But it gets boring to debunk the myth everytime. I AM SINGAPOREAN. My grandparents, who were British Nationals, wasn't born here. But since my mom married my biological father, who is malay, that makes me malay too. Get the bloody facts right from me first! I've never lived overseas or whatever. Blurb.

My pc is infected with some virus, which has somewhat embedded in my pc. I think. My McAfee tried to remove it but the bastard pop-ups kept doing a literal pop. Now i need to find out what needs to be done. It's a suckling bitch. My pc will die suddenly and restart like nobody's fcuking business. And to think sometimes i would be in a middle of msn chat, typing essays, uploading photos or blogging. Before your mind gravitates towards my shady activities - NO, YOU FCUK. I don't surf porn or download mp3s with sheer abandon. I go to reputed and reliable sites, ok! Ok, maybe a couple of known porn sites. Wahahaha...

Now i need to align my life parallel to my dreams & ambition. With love out of the way at the moment, i would need to do prioritise my commitments, reflect on my mistakes, learn from my experience and plan for the impending future.

I have my Graduation Project to do, prepare for my assessment test next month, searching for a job actively, study for the forthcoming exams, plan an event for my upcoming birthday celebration, jog rigorously to obtain the desired killer swim bod, rekindle my acting/dancing/singing passion by joining talent competitions, get a bloody suave Nokia touch-screen/New Apple IPhone...haiz...

Think i rambled too much tonight. I gotta turn in. Let me straightened my thoughts and see how i evolve from things that has happened to me thus far. I'll be back with a bang. I'll make a comeback. Just wait for the return of the king.

To H, i will not tire uttering - I LOVE YOU. I will make good of my vow to stand by you. In good or bad times. Until the day you would say you don't need me in your life, i will be here for you whenever you need me. I won't disappear or cease my existance in your eyes. Because my love for you will never ever change, despite whatever tragedy that has befallen you & i.

Take care and thanks for maintaining a healthy relationship with me still. Promise me you will go with me to catch Transformers next week, ok? Before that, it's a date with me on friday. Wee.

PS: I LOVE GENTARASA 2009. It was a song & dance bonanza. Splendid!

REBIRTH

2009-06-15T06:37:00.004+08:00

Would you believe me that i just had the best sunday of my life?

Well, all i can is the indescribable whirls of emotion that overwhelmed me. My other half (who broke-up with me a week ago) and i had a wonderful dinner at Vivocity. Albeit a short meet-up, it sufficed. I had presented my case, i shed some manly tears, i choked on my words as i got emotional, we had a good & reasonable talk, we laughed a bit and the best thing was, i get to profess how much H means to me, how deep my love for H is and how high my hopes i have for us to be reunited as one back again.

I am unsure what H feels after this outing, but every baby steps i take will lead me somewhere. I wasn't trying to use the power-of-persuasion, moving by force or be bluntly insistent for H to accept me back, but all i could muster were a huge dosage of faith, speaking with relevance, talking with logic & sense and expressing genuine feelings.

To H, i really appreciate your dinner company. It sure does feel like a date to me. I feel my love for you has reborn and quickly flourished into something magnificient than we once knew. Even when you kept mum when i asked if you never stopped loving me, i know you always have & always will. You said the same thing when i said - 'I've been missing you terribly for the whole week'. You wiped my tears for me. I get to touch your lips when i tried to wipe something off it.

Every words we exchanged was all worth it. I get to tell you how proud i was and how i was dying to announce to people in the audience that the star of the show is my baby love. You are talented. Every trainings, rehearsals & practice that you attended, thus compromising some of our dates was truly worth it. I see rewarding results from your undying passion. I won't blame you for that.

It was heartwarming to gaze into your eyes in the car. I get to say 'I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH' to you too...corny as it may sound, people who have been in love, are in love or looking for love should stand by the power of the words.

I can tell you right now that meeting you and receiving nothing but subtle love from you does it for me. I will give you all the time you need. I need to learn to wait and be patient. I am waiting for the day for you to come home to me, to my arms. You cannot bring yourself to say that you love me but you don't have to. I know what the answer is. ;)

I am going to pursue you because you won't be someone else's gem but me. I can't let this relationship dissipate without a reason. That is why i am working very very hard to make this work. I don't think i will screw up this one opportunity as i have learned to treasure something beautiful before it would be gone tomorrow.

The TWO short kisses that you inadvertently gave was flabbergasting. It jolted me and the mere lip-lock froze time and resurrects our sleeping love. It was amazing. I badly wanted that. You caught me by surprise.

I build my world around you. The world i know with you is the world i would want to live and die in. I want you to comeback to me. I will sacrifice in the name of love. I want you to find happiness in me. I will do all i can to reprise our relationship. Even if it means starting all over again. See me like i've never left.

Wait for me dear. I am climbing these walls.

I LOVE YOU.

(The last-minute tix helped rewrite history...kudos to the good friend)

Defying Gravity

2009-06-13T04:09:00.006+08:00

What Eddie Wants, Eddie Gets. Well, only this time Eddie has to work hard for it 'cos it's nothing like it used to be.

I am not going to sit and waste unnecessary tears, reminiscing in agony and let problems torment me like a chronic ilness. I am going to write my own future. It is very possible to shape one's destiny to be in harmony of their own desire...

I am going to woo and win you back. I can't sit around and wait for things to happen. I will make it happen. I know you love me much as i love you. I forsee an eventual reconciliation. I am not raising my hopes but i have lofty ambitions.

I apologised to the people around me who had to endure my woeful dispense. I really basked in your advice and allowed it to manifest in me. That's why i have deliberated conscientiously and with a cognitive standpoint.

I want my beautiful world back. I want to be with no one else but you. I am willing to wait for you to come home. But happiness is not going to come by at my doorstep, press my doorbell and drop its goodie bag.

I will seek for the moments we have lost. I have unwavered faith. I am sorry if i can't let this go. I cannot accept the endings fate has written for us. There are still so many pages on our book to write on. Illustrative chapters yet to be penned. Because you still want this. You still need me. And my future lies in you. Simple theory.

I understand how this works now. No, i am not deluded. I am not oblivious to reality either. Whoever say to live and let live when you are the key to your own happiness? Believe me. Take my hand, look me in the eyes and take this leap of faith. For the glory of you & i.

I will know it if we've come to the end, but the end it is not.

I LOVE YOU.

A Broken Peace

2009-06-10T00:49:00.013+08:00

Dear H,

I am immensely heartbroken. I have been thinking about this and nothing else. I cried endlessly in the car, broke down in front of my classmates, cried myself to sleep, teared all of a sudden...Put yourself in my shoes. And tell me how it feels. You probably won't because you were the one who asked for seperate lives. It's a living hell for me for now. My happiness is robbed. My life is over. My world has crumbled.

We were perfectly happy but overnight, the breakup came like a heart attack. We were not even having an arguement. Everything that i have worked hard to achieve does not mean anything now. I cannot see the sun.

I can clearly recall the day you so badly wanted to catch X-men Origins:Wolverine. I broke your heart on that one. It got emotional when you wanted to throw the tickets away because i wasn't happy for some reason. It affected me. Here you are wanting the perfect date and finally getting to watch the movie you've been waiting to watch, i had to ruin the evening. I am terribly sorry. Forgive me. Now, i can't even fulfil your wish to catch Terminator: Salvation, because we have ended the relationship.

I am sad that you won't get to see me get my first paycheck and buying you that dream Zara jacket. I'm sorry if i cannot provide you any material pleasures as i am a student to begin with.

I am bitter that even before i've yet to put up our beautiful Helios pictures at Marina barrage, we are no longer a couple.

It pains me to hear Beyonce's Halo, because that song is our theme song. The song that both of us know by heart, the song that marks the start of our relationship, and the song both of us hum to, without missing a note, whenever i play it in the car.

The places that we visit would only bring back overwhelming memories. I get crushed knowing i cannot have dinner and supper anymore with you. It really contents me knowing you are there, in my presence, enjoying your meal and going to bed full and happy. There is nothing that bothers me more than you skipping your meals.

I am sorry the ultimate date that i've been planning won't get to materialize. I wanted to surprise you with that very date without even telling you. And i had wanted to bring you to Henderson's Wave for a romantic time together. It's a little too late now.

I won't be waiting at the parking lot of your flat picking or sending you home anymore. The kisses and hugs has vanquished too. I will miss the affectionate smses. But the one sms that would send me kneeling and wailing out in despair is 'Happy 2nd Monthsary to my beloved boifie! Muacksz!'

Everything has been taken from me. Would you ever understand the pain you have put me through? You missed me and you said you loved me before that second final call. How am i supposed to accept the dreaded decision when you don't give me a valid reason and justify this breakup?

I am hoping we can work this out but i was refused that opportunity. Whatever reasons you've told me is so hard to swallow. I hope you've not made the biggest mistake of your life.

I won't blame you for calling it quits, i am just bitter i was denied a fair trial. A judgement was passed without hearings. Nevertheless, you know my arms will always be open for you. I have not closed my heart like you've closed the door on me. I am confident we will be together eventually. I hope you will comeback to me. I will never stop hoping or praying. I will not cease the wait. Patience is all i have now. I am confident we'll be together at the end of the day.

Here is one of the pictures that we took during the Arts Festival. One that i have procrastinate far too many times in uploading. You haven't had the chance to view the whole album. For now, i hope you like this to remember us by. Sadly, this relationship fizzled too soon like the fireworks...

I LOVE YOU.

Ends Of The World

2009-06-08T14:29:00.005+08:00

My heart has shattered into a million pieces. God knows how bad the injuries are, for what love has done to me. My partner had uttered the dreaded words - 'a breakup is the only solution'. And so we lead seperate lives from there on. I teared incessantly at the carpark at dawn today. I wished i had somebody to turn and run to that very moment. But i don't anymore. My other half, whom i thought had found forever with me, will always be there to catch me. But it was all a fairytale after all. A dream so good but you had to leave it all behind when you wake up. Gone.

I admit i have made some grievious mistakes and had toyed with the idea of breaking up to you umpteen times, because back then i couldn't grasp the lifestyle i am leading. I didn't know how to handle this kind of relationship back then too. I had taken a while to accept our relationship and i had gone great distances to make this happen. Now, just when i thought i had it all working for me, just when i thought i found my niche and just when i thought i know how to live with it, you don't want to hold on to the other end of the rope anymore.

I cannot stop my tears from falling everytime i think of you and the moments we've shared. I wanted to salvage this and believed that we can resolve this together ; but that would mean i would go against your wishes. Because this is not what you wanted anymore. I always believe if you love someone you will try to preserve their happiness and respect their decisions, even if it means if they asked for a breakup. It will take months, immense effort and great deal of strength to get by without you in my life, but i will try, H. I am unsure what the next step of my life will be but i will wait for signs from God.

I don't know where my broken heart and i will go from here on. I have nothing to live for. I have no one to invest and share my love with. My better days are taken and my happiness were abruptly snatched. It's a vicious cycle.

I just want you to know i love you very much. I care for you and i will always keep you emblazoned in my heart. There will always be a room for you in my heart. Thank you for the wonderful memories and keeping me company during this stage of my life. You have made history and written beautiful stories in the pages of my life. I hope you will be happy and focus on your pursuits. I want you to find yourself someone who will be of a better man than i was to you. I hope he will accept every imperfections and have no inhibitions whatsoever.

I thank you for letting me be a part of your life. I just hope i have been the great boyfriend that you've ever come across and remember me as the one who will sacrifice the world for you.
Much as i want to beg you to take me back and give this another chance for our happiness, ultimately this is your decision. And so this marks the end of our journey. I will remember it all. I don't think i will obliterate you in my life, like i claimed. Because i want to look back on this later in my life and tell people this splendid chapter which both of us had written.

I miss you terribly but there is nothing i can do on my end. I won't be there to remind you to eat, to keep you company through your lonelier times and i won't have you lying in my arms anymore. Take care, dear.

I LOVE YOU.

Growing Pains

2009-06-06T00:48:00.005+08:00

I am dedicating this post to H. I am troubled lately and i want to pour out my grievances right here. Love has reduced me to be emotionally sensitive, but i hope i have listening ears, leaning shoulders and caring embraces to support me through these trying times.

I have uploaded a beautiful malay song, titled - Datang Dengan Janji (Coming With A Promise), by a talented M'sian actress-singer, Elly Mazlein. I got emotional and cried listening to this. Sorry. I hope my non-malay readers will enjoy the song as well and at the very least, understand the volatile feelings i am experiencing. This song also goes out to H.

(this is not an official video, just clips of the drama the artiste acted in)

Datang Dengan Janjiku - Elly Mazlein

Ke manakah resah nak ku lemparkan
Di mana hilang kemesraan lalu
Malamku suram bintang tak menyinar
Aku sepi tanpa hadirmu...di sisiku

Dalam rindu yang amat menyiksakan
Ku dakap potretmu dalam genggaman
Namun resahku tak bisa berlalu
Jeritan hati memanggil namamu
Sepi tanpa hadirmu...dirimu oh kasihku

Ku dengar...suaramu berbisik
Gemersiknya di celah sang bayu
Ku terbayang...wajahmu menjelma
Dalam senyum bagaikan ada tangisan
Ku turut merasakan

Kasih...perpisahan sementara ini
Mengajar kita erti sepi dan rindu
Teguhnya cinta suci

Sayang...biarpun berjauhan kita terpisah
Betapa tabahnya kesetiaanmu
Menantikan saat...supaya dapat bersatu

Kau hadir dengan setiamu
Aku datang dengan janjiku

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear H,

I want you to know that i have realized the gravity of our love. The magic that encapsulates in this relationship, the surmounting emotions and the exclusivity of it for us to relish.
I cannot take a step back, take a time-out and take it slow; 'cos my foot has always been forth and forward. I cannot be apart from you and the thought of getting through the night by myself is unthinkable. That's how much you mean to me. There is never a day i do not envision you. Never a time pass by without me thinking of you. You have made me found me. Your sincerity moved me. Your faithfulness touches me. Your love changed me.

I am trying my utmost best to understand your dreams and pursuits. However i hope this will not be a trade off and be at the expense of our relationship. I really wish your projects and commitments will end soon because i want to be at the pedestal of your heart like before. I don't know what you mean when you say you want to go back like it used to be, but all i care is how far we have come, the journeys we have taken and the destination we are heading to.

If only people around me could see how much i wanted this, how genuine my feelings are about this and the sacrifices i am willing to make just so i can keep my one true love embedded in my heart.

I am sorry if i have crushed, shred and tore your heart one too many times. I know it can get overwhelming sometimes, so much that we just want to drop everything and runaway from it all. And i want to be the one running to you when i have problems of my own. But escaping from issues does not solve anything. Neither will it heal any open wounds. I promise we can resolve any setbacks and will be concientious in dealing with our imperfections. Believe me.

I LOVE YOU.

And an insert to my best buddy, Shawal, for lending his ears and rendering me solace a while ago. Your two-cents worth really tide me over. Somehow talking to people and airing your griefs brings a respite, however momentarily. Thanks, i needed it. We are indeed best buddies in the universe.

Tracks Of Time

2009-06-03T13:06:00.003+08:00

I have never hankered for material things by all accounts. I am never one of those retail whore who would go out at breakneck speed in order to be the first in line to own any newly-released or limited manufactured products. I live really simply now. Being out-of-job has made me much more appreciative of the little things i can get, i have owned and i could afford. It's not so bad after all. Any means of retail therapy has flung out of the window. Thoughts of getting sleek new gadgets has dissolved with no niggling effects. Going to expensive restaurants does not impresses me much. I don't want what i can't have.

I am seriously not bothered by things i could not have now. And so i don't see the effort i have to inject to fuel the desire. Because living the life like a prince has preceded the current circumstance. I grew up my way. It has always been whatever i want i will get. Even any ideas, plans and decisions made with others has to correlate with mine. As i would not take NO for an answer. Not that my hunch or instinct has ever failed on me. But i think my cognitive skills are working well. But point is, i am taking a step at a time. Running does not give you the opportunities to bask in the glory of sceneries and sights. I am at a walking speed now.

I have actually worked out a list; of the things i should and would work hard for. This is by no means sounding conflicting. But it's more of the stuff i need. Roll tape.

1) An MPV car. This tops the list because my family's size, and i mean literally, has been expanding. I would want my Hari Raya outings, mindless ghost-hunting activities, road trips and to any destination with family and friends to be a comfortable ride. It is also for the fact that i can chuck more people in the vehicle and have the means to actually render goodwill, by ferrying more classmates, who lives within reasonable proximities, home. You see, i see it as a gentleman's gesture, by being gracious and sending people back. I have no problems going a little out of my way, as i enjoy driving with some company.

2) A GPS device for my car would be something not too much to ask for. I get lost everytime. I cannot even get from one point to the other within a supposed estimated traveling time. Like eletronic signboards pointed out it'll take 15 minutes to get to Rochor Road. I get there in 45 or more. Because i always ended up in the wrong lane headed towards the wrong place. And who reads the street directory whilst driving? No time, a crime...

3) Buying loads of fitting t-shirts (New Urban Males ones would suffice;p) and funky jeans. I have out-grown my current t-shirts/jeans. I guess doing a whole lotta running does not stave off the body fats. Instead i seem to grow bulkier. Strange manifestations. I also find sheer comfort in just tees and jeans. It works everywhere. The weather rudely plays a part.

4) There is nothing that weighs heavily in my mind than the issue with my school fees. I have to settle both the balance of my school fees in both schools. I have been delaying the payments and i have resolute to surrender the bulk of my next career's first paycheck towards it. Or else i would get unceremoniously kicked out from school.

5) A dream job. I have rambled about getting that ideal career in previous posts. This definitely falls into today's post topic. Realistically, it is everyone's pen-ultimate dream. Dream job = A holiday. If you are working in that perfect job, everyday would be a holiday. There won't be a day where you'll be working. The phrase is taken somewhere. I rephrased it to my understanding. It is damn true. Hicks.

6) My TWO Diplomas in fields of Mass Communications and Police Studies respectively. Working hard and getting there. Don't interrupt, RUDE.

7) I want a new PSP console to replace my lost one. Something happened to the last one. It is a dramatic tear-jerking story how we got seperated. Sacrificing something does not require much deliberation from me. If it helps the situation and something good comes out from it, then i am not anal retentive about it. But no worries, mom says material thing can always be replaced. Can anyone get me the same exact PSP that i used to own? It's blue and the birthday's 20th August. Thank you. (hey, the psp is prolly the only thing i see as my entertainment companion, okay!)

8) I WANT TO REPAY MY DEBTS TO MY MOM. She's been my ultimate saviour and she has pulled me back from the edge uncountable times. It'll be an awesome gift for her. No, she never asked to be repayed, but as a son, you want to be able to give the best to your parents and let them enjoy their lives for once and not let them worry about you and be burdened them with your problems.

9) I want to go on an overseas trip soon with great buddies, to unwind and elope from the frenetic lifestyle i have been leading. Period.

10) Lastly, i want to acquire a golden brown tan. To complement the swimmer's bod that i am working damn hard to achieve. I think i have put on a slight weight and people are starting to call me names (you so bad one, calling me BBW). Haiz. No kidding, i see a mini paunch in the mirror after every meal. I get bloated easily after any food consumption. But it's just weight that can be shaved off. Nontheless, 25% into my goal and my mission is undying. JEALOUS.

It ain't hard to do, eh?

Bottom Note
I will always care for you, be there for you and be your guiding light. I have come this far. This is why every little thing you do hits home. I don't think i can seperate myself from you because we are glued together in emotions, cerebral aspect and physical unity.

Though your late nights keeps me awake, your personal commitment keeps me a distance, and your order keeps me silent, i have no complains. Because you are one of my life's greatest treasure. If you love someone, you will do all you can to preserve the relationship and make them stay contented. Even if it means if they asked for a breakup, you need to cave in, accede to their wishes for the pursuit of their own happiness.

I will be here, there and everywhere for you. I LOVE YOU, H.

In A Perfect World

2009-06-01T01:16:00.016+08:00

The second half of 2009 is looming near. I am griping for the fact that time passes by like a bullet train. However, i am gleefully pleased that i will be awarded with the much coveted MDIS Diploma In Mass Communications scroll pretty soon. I am also axing the days of the calendar and counting down from the THREE years that i am spending in poly. It will all be worth the tears, blood, sweat and pain i guess.

The June holidays spells drought all over. I am incensed. I have nothing much to anticipate. America's Next Top Model, Survivor, The Amazing Race, American Idol has wrapped up their respective seasons. No other shows can magnetize my fastidious expectations. Haiz. But the one show that i am keen to watch is Channel 5's Polo Boys. Don't get me wrong. I am not enthusiastically hankering for some speedos parade. The brouhaha the show (billed as the hottest show on Channel 5) has brought about makes me want to expect to see some fine script, good acting, good plot and of course to discreetly be envious of the male physique. I am an alpha-male, so shows like these will cater to the ego-maniac. Ahoy!

Fiona Xie, Felicia Chin & Jeantte Aw running down Orchard Road in bikinis is so 80's. Welcome to the male-whoring club.

Singapore Idol audition will take place this saturday, 060609, from 8am at The Cathay. I have not registered. I am feeling shitty. Because i cannot come to a decision. The jaunt is seemingly fruitful. Your life will suddenly be thrusted into the limelight. For better or for worse. I am wondering if the camp-out, the weariness of waiting for hours and taking a 'blindfold' stab will be worth it. A week to go from now and so i will wait for an epiphany. I don't want to look back and regret the things i could have done. I always believe if the heart moves you, the instinct and visceral feeling acts up, attend to it. Anyway it's always my philosophy to try anything and everything at least ONCE. Some persuasions and an encouragement from any kind soul helps.

I gotta ring Zahir and ask if he wants to ditch his band and go solo. (Let's take the leap!)

I have desires to participate in a long-distance marathon. I had witnessed the Adidas Sundown Marathon on saturday. I was extremely fidgety whilst driving along the marathon route (was heading to Changi Village by the way) and had to irritate my date with my doe-eyed fascinated remarks. JEALOUS. I had read about the race and it caught me off-guard that the event had taken place that saturday. I am really passionate and have an unwavering interest for running. Well, I am confident that i have the vigor and endurance, and would partake in the race someday.

That someday comes next year i hope. I know there are several forthcoming marathons lined up but i am heading for greater things. I have been training relentlessly with the buddy, at Pasir Ris Park. It is pleasurable indeed. The terrain is perfect. The beach renders a zen surrounding, amid the sound of the gentle tidal waves, the evening's refreshing air and an undisturbed territory. Lucky for a buddy who enjoys running like i do. Anyways, the Sundown marathon is a night race, sans the searing day heat, man. The atmosphere will be cooler, less gruelling and any night run will be a placid affair i supposed. Look below for the race route. AWESOME.

I am still waiting for my partner's theatre gig's ticket to drop from the heavens. I am grousing over the paid tickets. Should the boifie of the star of the show pay for his own ticket to see the performance? Heck, didn't get any. I have to beg, steal or borrow to pay for them in that case. I am already proud of you being a part of the ensemble. I hope you find your golden moments and hopefully carve a career out of it. You are special. That's why i love you. You have played a part in my life's transformation. I have learned some hard lessons in our love relationship. And with that i am going to cherish and treasure you even more. Thank you for accepting my imperfections.

I LOVE YOU, my shining star.

Same Script, Different Cast

2009-05-28T11:52:00.012+08:00

I have been deliberating for almost a month now. Should i or should i not sign up for Singapore Idol? The audition is drawing near and i am terribly confused. I need to go persuade some wannabe-star friends to join in the fray. The audition is such a drag. I remembered the first-time i had to camp overnight with an ex-Miss Singapore 2003 finalist friend, Jeyawati, along with her friends. Yeah, you have to pretty much secure your spot because the crowds were extremely heee-uge. They say the earlier you arrived the better the chances to impress the executive producers during the audition(nope, the second round of audition IS the one with the FOUR judges).

It was a traumatising experience. The whole night i was deluged with deafening last-minute practices from deluded singers, dis-illusioned talents, the production crew interviewing wannabes round-the-clock, the tormenting evening heat, the sticky perspiration, the funky odour from next-door neighbours, the big squeeze, the draws of passerby who thinks we were nutcases...yeah, and you thought Singapore Idol is an easy ticket to fame. NOT. Lucky i had gotten a ticket. If not the wait would have been futile and utter waste of time. And oh, the only one TV personality that i have witnessed who rosed from being a nobody to where he is today is Haizad Imran. He was a few heads from me during the audition day and yeah, he was and still is a humble bloke. 'Coz he was dressed in just Tees and jeans alright. And for the fact he camped overnight by himself with no friends for company. Apart from the friendship made with the other wannabes.

PLEASE ENSURE YOU ARE ARMED WITH TALENT, CONFIDENCE AND HAVE AN AIR OF BURSTING PERSONALITY. IF NOT, DON'T WASTE YOUR FCUKING TIME.

The MDIS career fair yesterday was such a flub. Zahir and i excused ourselves some time out of our 'a busy unemployed schedule' to visit the fair. We were just enthusiastic on what they have to offer. Both of us had anticipated any airline powerhouses eg. Etihad, Qatar Airways or SIA to erect a booth and lure undergrads to apply. We were sorely mistaken. There were a couple of insurance companies and some job-seeking recruitment agencies. What the FCUK. Lucky for the goodies bag(a dope pen, a yearbook of sorts, a multi-hued highlighter, silly animal stickers(which i gave to Zahir) and a cool MDIS brolly). Thank God we gained something. T'was the saving grace.

Somehow, I lost it. My fuse blew. I had lambasted a Ms Jen Lee, my student co-ordinator moments after the fair. I had merely asked for my Graduation's Project Guidelines form and she had to spew words like ''you student don't think that you can simply come here individually and ask for forms''. That was it. I flipped. Big mistake. I berated her in view of other students and the two appalled frontline officers looked up. I retort ''I could have gotten a nicer treatment from you. I cannot print the documents because something is wrong with the files or my pc. That is why i made my way here just to get the form from you personally. You don't have to go i am troubling you. I deserve better''.

I mean, i simply ask for a form which i am unable to print. If i don't have the forms, it's impossible to gear-start on my project, right? Petty, wouldn't you say? I should be the one to get mad at them for sending me unrecognized files and wasting my time hopping to school to retrieve it. It's kinda wicked for me to be reacting to a great lady(students can attest how wonderful she is as a co-ordinator). But don't paint everyone with the same brush. It's so wrong. Perhaps she may have had a tough afternoon. Maybe some students have been problematic. Or prolly 'cos she simply tries to be a Queen B****. You want to be a mama diva, i will give you soap opera.

Why you be trippin' girl? I ain't no hater. You made me. That's why i be reactin'. (Thanks Zahir for the company. You are such a circus-act. The 'abang-build' bitching was wickedly funny). ;p

It is exactly TWO months into my relationship with H. H sms-ed me dead in the morning and said ''Happy 2nd Monthsary to my beloved boifie! Muackz''. It's amazing. Who knew it'd lasted this long? The journey has been worth the joys, laughters, tears and pain. I want the heart to sustain this more than the mind can imagine. Can we? I believe we can. Because it'll take destiny to seal our fate. Not the detrimental elements attributed from individual's discontent towards certain incidences. In simple words, no amount of altercations, conflicting thoughts and displeasures that we are sometimes embroiled in can surmount the love that we have fortified thus far. These walls that we have built around us can withstand the test. Trust me, love.

And please, i haven't lost my mojo...haa...I LOVE YOU. More than every other day.

A quick shout-out to my buddy, the fervent Man U supporter. CRUSHED. Haha...

Animal House

2009-05-23T17:13:00.010+08:00

I am setting the record straight. I will never ever step foot in clubs. Disagreements and conflicting verbal exchange between friends and i transpires whenever the topic is being broached. I strongly abhor clubbing. This is by no means me being a draconian pragmatic. No disrespect to club patrons as well. It just annoys me whenever friends raises the subject.

Put this into perspective. What comes to your mind when you notices somebody staggering, heavily intoxicated and mumbling like an incoherent idiot? I can only deduce that the person is uncultured. Seriously. You may be a stellar academic, a high-flying professional or regarded to be the best looking hottie to walk on the dancefloor. But when you walk out the doors of the club bumbling and clumsily drunk, you have just made a complete ASS of yourself. How classy can you get, you alcoholic bitch? You will only look pathetic in my eyes. Leave the clubbing to NS recruits having a jolly on their bookout day, experimenting adolescents and for bitches & bastards who thinks snapping shots of raising bottles and glasses, taking group shots around the table with liquor displays and parading the photographs in FACEBOOK kinda make them look uber cool. FCUK this, motherfcukas.

If you are ugly, have TWO left feet, have a bad fashion sense, lack of personality, have no other life apart from youtube & social networking sites, have raging hormones and egoistically think you are one motherfcuking hot stuff, i suggest you find your joys elsewhere. And so i urge people to steer clear of clubbing topics from me. Because i will scratch your face with my car-key.

What is having a good time in my book? Let me dispense nuggets on what i like. -

A) A day out at the beach, suntanning, swimming and soaking in the breeze and wafts of saltwater aroma tops the list.

B) Late night supper at hip coffeeshops (Jalan Kayu/Simpang Bedok/Changi Village...) in the company of good friends.

C) Cycling, running, swimming and sports with active and health-nut pals.

D) Driving around unfamiliar roads in Singapore.

E) Be in a classroom exchanging ideas and thoughts with groupmates (Stimulating...Honest!).

F) Watching Disney cartoons, horror & slasher flicks in the privacy of your own room.

G) Intense making-out session with the partner. Ha...

H) Dancing and working out to great r&b tunes.

I) Cam-whoring at various places of interests.

J) Hanging out at Marina Barrage, Henderson's Wave, Vivocity, Starbucks...

K) Karaoke outings to sing the lungs and guts out.

L) Reading The Straits Times/Writing essays.

M) Walking around the neighbourhood plazas and relishing the 'heartland' feeling.

N) Seeing Army dudes congregating at Pasir Ris Interchange, reporting back to Tekong for trainings towards the end of the weekend. NS plays an integral part in my life okay, hence the gush of sweet reminiscents.

O) Strolling Orchard Road come Christmas season, window-shopping in Geylang's bazaar during the Ramadan's month, enjoying the sights and lights of Little India during Deepavali...

These are some of the main activities that i find gratifications in. It's pretty sedated and banal i know. I really am your next door boy. I would like to thank good buddies who stood by my stand and not pestering me to head out to clubs and pubs. You know who you are. Thank you for respecting me just like i would respect you. We may do some mundane activities and though it may not be your cup of tea at times, your tolerance to my whims and fancies speaks a lot about you guys. THANK YOU for standing by me and still enjoying my company thus far.

To wrap today's post, i just want to truly apologize to my partner for breaking the heart sometimes. My good buddy, Shawal, has slammed me back into the faces of earth and asks me to reflect what i have done towards the partner. He said something which i can't quite remember. All i know the magnitude of his words dropped like a bombshell. He asked me to cherish the partner and not to be too egocentric. He also advised me not be too complacent and mistreat the partner. I know i have been selfish most of the time. It has always been Eddie's world. I have failed to looked beyond.

H, i have no doubt in my mind your existence is purely destined. You are genuinely sincere and you have pulled me back from the edges countless times. I am touched that you honestly love me. I know you care for me whole-heartedly too. I love being with you. I find exquisite moments with you. You've made me experienced feelings i've never felt before. I get hearbreaks whenever we are having conflicting moments. But our patience, tolerance and understanding of each other resolves all of that. I hope you don't give up on me. Because i cannot bear the pain. I need your words, wisdom and strength to walk again.

I'll do everything within and beyond my means to treasure you. I LOVE YOU.

Unwrapping The Goods

2009-05-20T00:53:00.004+08:00

I have heard wicked stories about my biological father. He was never a good man. He was abusive. Both verbally and physically to my dearest mom. I resent him even until today. I don't remember him standing by me through my childhood years. He was present. But he didn't care. Even when mom severed the matrimonial ties, i don't recall missing him or crying out loud for him to pick me up and carry me around to pacify me.

He is one rotten father. He has never made restitutions for his mistakes and vile acts. Lucky mom escape unscathed. Her pure heart was not scarred. She remains unperturbed. Anyone caught in that situation would be mentally deranged. Or be psychologically disturbed. Moreover over somebody they love whole-heartedly to be the detrimental element in their lives. For that i truly admire mom.

Whenever mom tells me how father ill-treated her, she can paint a picture of the history coherently. But she cannot be so foolish to deceive me. I know deep down reminiscing the past would only open old wounds. I know she has indeed come a long way. She would bravely tell the stories of how she was kicked, punched, bruised and the works. And how she miscarried THREE times. All because the devil inflicted the damages on her.

During one of the events of miscarriage, the devil father, after finding out mom had lost my brother, simply said 'go to the hospital yourself'. And mom couldn't even give the 4-month old foetus a proper burial. It was taken away by the hospital for medical studies. The demon didn't want to claim it. He was that ruthless. Humans are born with compassion. He wasn't. Because he has the heart of an animal. I could have THREE other siblings. But sadly they don't have a name. Or faces that i can remember them by.

I guess this is the most intimate background of me that i have shared thus far in my blog. I just cannot understand why people can have the heart to physically hurt others. I don't have the heart myself to even slap someone on their face. It really does not serve any purpose to harm someone. Cruelty is a thing of medieval times. God Forbid.

I just want my father to know that whatever he has done to the family has only made us stronger. It always takes a life-lesson or an experience to render someone that faith, bravery and strength to carry on with their lives. It is also the awakening moment when we discover how strong we can be at the face of adversaries. I have grown to be an educated, cultured and refined young man. I have a good education, a proper upbringing after your departure and i have worked my way to be where i am today. Be proud of me. Because your evil deeds becomes my grace. Your loss is my gain. Your weakness is my strength.

I hope God forgives him. Because i won't.

Anyways...

The mathematics lecture that had passed a few hours ago left me in a daze. Semblances of daunting math lessons from your secondary school days were furiously infringing my brain. I hardly have the time to elope. The ill-warning affair came as a great shock and i am having a more taxing and uphill task of catching up than everyone else.

You see, mathematics was never my forte. I can be an elite in fields of languages but figures and digits does not seem to register well in my head. I am a self-professed dimwit. In summary, i hated maths. But looking at my classmates' earnestness and determination to grasp the subject compels me to eradicate the foreboding attitude. I am now ready to address the one subject that i have eschewed for far too long and this time i will not be nonchalant. It is crucial for me to jump on the bandwagon now because a maths subject is pivotal and essential for me to eventually be awarded my poly's diploma.

I hate to see myself crumbling like blocks. So let's wish me a clear path to trundle on. I hope i can master the methods and formulas and declaring it a jubilee on the war they call maths. Lecturer Fazilah mentioned that with practice and perseverance will yield results.

The other half came down with fever today. It was a bit unnerving to hear the whines of a stiff neck, a sore throat, hip-aches and the works that comes with a 'fever' package. I care for these things. I cannot bring you to the doctor's because the pocket is pretty much empty. It sucks i know. I hope you recover soon because it is unsettling for me to bear this. I hope you don't over-exert yourself with a gazillion appointments. You have been away from my radar a bit too often. Please don't leave the house more than you reside in it. And don't skip your meals, yeah?

I hope i have quelled your sickness' misery just now and i want you to stay in tomorrow for a recuperating hibernation. And no, don't ever say you have caused me inconveniences. I have not looked at things that way. It is my duty to look out for you, take care of you and watch over you. I have a responsibility. Don't remix it with liability, babe.

PS: The ultimate date is underway. Wee... I LOVE YOU. :p

Full Circle

2009-05-17T02:09:00.010+08:00

I have been cumulating news-worthy mentions throughout the week to embellish my blog post. Somehow, nothing major worth sharing happened. Thus, pardon me for the mundane posting today. I will try at my best to categorize this as subliminal.

I am adamant to eke a proper living by snagging a good job in the near future. I think life would turn around for the better if i have that career that i've always dreamed of. Honest to goodness, i am not entirely ambitious. I don't have the slightest clue what i want to be. Perhaps a poll will leverage this?

1) I have toyed with the idea of being a teacher. Because i know i have the deftness to instil knowledge in others. In other sense, i am able to make people stand up and listen to what i have to say. Being vocal helps too. If you can articulate your words, infiltrate the minds of others and evoke a response.

2) At times, i contemplate on pursuing my dreams of being an artiste. I love singing. I would like to think i am talented but looking at things turning out at the auditions of some of the talent competitions i partake in, i am still hanging on luck that i will make it among a pool of other wannabes someday. After all, the entertainment industry is meticulous and shrewd. Because not just anybody can have the opportunity to be famous.

3) I have this hope of being an arts artist as well. I draw on a regular basis. I can sketch anything from Marvel, Capcom, Mortal Kombat, Disney to some random cartoon characters in under TWO minutes. Highly-skilled i tell you. And this i am not bragging. Just to let you in a bit more, i have conjured my very own comic, WONDER WARRIORS. It's a fighting-based comic with a whopping over 150 characters. Hope to get it to print and i reckon it'll be awesome to be able to publish it worldwide.

4) I harbour a small interest in fashion designing as well. But i don't think there is a thriving business for male designers. You will have to be either gay and flamboyant or get stereotyped as one. I don't like the territory that comes with term. However i think it will be fabolous to design your own clothes, have others wearing it and make an insane annual revenue out of it. I think streetwear is the one area i will delve into. Very street, man!

5) I have a good sense of rhythm. I can be fluid in body movements. I have this penchant for solid hip-hop club-banging tracks that makes me want to gyrate automatically. Haha. I am talking about dance choreography. I am a good street dancer. Sometimes i feel i am a black man when i dance. I have always dreamed about being a dance choreographer and execute killer moves for the audience to see. Nowadays, i dance on a freelance basis. I know being a dancer is not a viable career option in Singapore. Unless i go about establishing my own dance academy which will prolly not take off because of the small market. But i do hope it'll materialize one fine day because i am passionate about music, dance and performance.

6) I like to be a lifeguard for the very reason of skin whoring. But i bemoan on the fact that my swimming sucks. Hey, at least i get to walk around topless and half nude. I want to acquire that bronzed and tanned bod. Like some Japanese surfer. AWESOME! And i get to waddle in the aromatic, chlorine-fragranced pool. Enuff said.

7) I totally dig the idea of owning my own modelling agency. I have an eye for gorgeous people and i can easily spot a diamond in the rough. I sometimes wonder why some people are truly blessed aesthetically but never got around getting discovered and get the recognition they deserved. Beautiful people are aplenty everywhere i turn to. The mall, gym, swimming pool, town, the neighbourhood, schools and even friends. But sadly, it is not channelled properly. With hopes of setting up the agency, i can groom the 'undiscovered' that i had talent-spotted. Move over, Fly Entertainment.

8) I WANT to join Survivor badly. This is something i would love to do and i would leave everything behind in a heartbeat to get marooned in some remote island, bitching and battling it out with others. Survivor truly mirrors life. The mental and physical tests will bear testament to how far one has come in life. Yeah, FULL CIRCLE is the choice word. Read my previous posts on why i am enthusiastic. Repetition material is no good. Tsk.

9) The most un-surprising aspiration here is my hopes to become a flight steward. The selection process is tough and the most genuinely fake and people who are plastic almost always makes the cut. What Singapore Girl with the fresh, personable and friendly disposition are you talking about? I have friends who are their own selfish and bratty true faint colours once they are back from the reality of earth's ground but transforms into somebody graceful and classy when they are transported amidst the fantasy, la-la cotton clouds of the skies. I may be sharp, decisive and vocal about things but when i am tasked to get a job done, it'll be made professionally. I am prejudiced because i could have been the potential up there. But i cannot pursue this one dream of mine because i cannot be forced to keep smiling when i don't want to and i don't wish to be a waiter, serving after rude, ill-mannered elite businessy passengers right down to the uncouth, uncivilised yet demanding low-class passengers. I would jump down the plane with the emergency parachute if i have to face such bigots. Period.

10) To be able to serve in any of the government agencies. This would make better sense. I figure being a government officer will offer greater job satisfaction. Because the system, structures and hierachy is fixed. There could be room for advancement and the prospect is highly coveted. It is a stable sector. I am not sounding contradictory as i have left the SPF last year, but being a civil servant offers a truly rewarding career. My goal now is to find my niche in any government's job and i will not stop short of my resolution to snag one.

My parting two-cents worth is 'why do we always end up in jobs that we don't desire to be in?'

What we want is always what we don't need. Think.

-I LOVE my other half, H. I love my family and friends. I love my country. Peace.-

Songs Of The Heart

2009-05-11T04:23:00.004+08:00

Brandy - True

In your arms I feel right at home
That's the feeling I ain't felt before
If you're feeling the same way then let me know
Cause there's nothing worse than being in love alone

Is it true that I'm not the only one?
Is it true that you're just having fun with my heart?
I need an answer
Is it true Is it true

You're my Angel that was sent to earth
In your eyes I see my future
I can't be without you so it's got to work
Goodbyes not an option so don't say the word

Is it true that I'm not the only one?
Is it true that you're just having fun with my heart?
I need an answer
Is it true Is it true

I've never been a victim of love before
So I’m not sure what I should be looking for
But I know the signs are in my face
Hope it's not too late to change
Your mind and make you wanna stay

Is it true that I'm not the only one?
Is it true that you're just having fun with my heart?
I need an answer
Is it true Is it true

Is it true that I'm not the only one?
Is it true that you're just having fun with my heart?
I need an answer
Is it true Is it true

If you just can't tell me the truth
it wasn't real when you said I love you.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
This song reflects the emotions i am harbouring right now.

'It's the journey, not the destination that counts'.

Just when i thought we have fixed the engine and ready to hit the road once again, something malfunctioned.

I got out of the car and inspected all areas for signs of something amiss. I really could not find where the fault lies. I can't fix it if it is not broken.

Perhaps we are the ones who don't want to drive the vehicle anymore. And we have given up traveling to the destination we have planned.

You are unsure yourself. And you don't wish to get lost. And the worst is you don't trust me behind the wheels.

We can safely turn back, infinitely halt the mission and end this pursuit. But we choose to remain in the car. Because we are anticipating what the other side of the road may hold for us.

I don't like to go on this ride on my own and i don't think i can survive the treacherous path without somebody next to me.

I still have you on the passenger seat next to me, but you kept tugging and pulling me back because you don't think i am trustworthy enough.

Now, i just want you to sit back and enjoy the sights while i drive. We work this out calmly. Let's not be hasty. The journey can be fulfilling than the destination. I promise you.

You can alight along the way. Whenever you feel you are not up for it. I won't persuade you to join me. However, i truly understand i will get lonely and the solitary will murder me softly.

And hearing beautiful heartbreaking songs in the car by myself, familiar songs that both of us can relate to will only bring endless tears to my eyes.

The seat will always be empty until you comeback to me.

I wanna hug you tight this very moment but i just can't...'cos it will be only temporary...we will revisit the pain in no time...

Wants & Needs

2009-05-08T16:15:00.023+08:00

The first week of May has been a bumpy ride. Things happened. I will let you savour only the good things. Because i don't wish to brood on desolated issues. Here is the lowdown. Proceed.

I had received a call yesterday. From a CAAS officer. She invited me for an interview for the position of Airport Emergency Officer. To clue you in, the post is similar to a SCDF firefighter's job. Mission and rescue work in the event should there be calamities in the airport eg, plane crash, accidents. I did not really expect a reply and i knew my application will have to contend with the many other applicants who had served in SCDF for their National Service. To get shorlisted among how many hundreds in this economic downturn is truly a remarkable feat.

Things happen for a reason. And opportunity has knocked on my door. Perhaps this is the calling? Who knows. And yes, i find rescue work exhilirating. The trainings are similar to SCDF, it is a government's job and i get to keep fit. What more can i ask for? I hope the interview on tuesday will be a day of reckoning and it'll be an awesome present for me should i get selected. My life's route to things haven't been mainstream. I serve my National Service in the army, i've worked with the police force for four years, and now an SCDF kinda job lands on my lap. I think i am destined to work with the Uniformed Organisations. It's written on my fate. Not expecting much and we will see how i fare on tuesday.

I am making a gradual transition in Temasek Polytechnic. I have not exactly exchanged contacts with my classmates and i barely spoke more than a sentence to them. I guess the first few weeks of school will definitely offer that kind of awkwardness. It is a normal process. I hope i can strike conversations and relate well with them soon. Lectures are not too rosy and it will get crazier as the week comes. Anyway, i have not left MDIS on the shelf. I am a module and a Graduation Project away from graduation. It won't get heavygoing i can assure you. I am coping well. I am hanging by faith, leaning on hope and living on prayers.

Naysayers are saying i am insane taking up two diplomas but really, this is understanding your needs and wants. I NEED a tertiary education as the qualifications are recognized. The police studies is for my career. I WANT a diploma from MDIS because it is the school to go to for a reputable Mass Comm Diploma. Think SIA which is affiliated with its Mass Comm programme. It is solely for the reason of my affinity with Journalism, which i think is my forte. I can branch into fields of marketing, public relations, advertising and whatnot should i pursue the media industry. Catch my ball?

My Temasek Polytechnic's Matriculation Card

I woke up flabbergasted. The bastard has finally been apprehended. This was extraordinarily unexpected. I am talking about the elusive fugitive, MSK, of course. Wait. The mind boggling issue here is how on earth did he find his way to Malaysia? We are not talking about a recalcitrant convicted murderer crossing the Mexican Borders in the States, without getting caught. That we can understand on the lax of the security control there. The head-scratcher here is how did he get out of Singapore? Swimming across the seas to Johore with a limp limb? What the bloody hell is our Coastal Guards and Immigration personnels doing? Exchanging the latest Leona Lewis hit ringtones via bluetooth over the checkpoint's booth? Suntanning at the outskirts of Singapore shores? Fishing for Shamu in their patrol boats?

I have trawled a few newsworthy sites and people handed down positive comments like 'good job, Singapore. The persistence has paid off'. Before you go out and make a dinner reservation at Crystal Jade's restaurant to celebrate his sophomore captivity, let me register this in your stupid dysfunctional brains. Admit it. Our security forces, the police and members of the public has long ended the lookout. The first few months of the search party was so intense that even the military was delegated to erect tentages and guard entrances and exits of solitary places, namely the cemetaries. The Gurkhas and the Special Operation Command officers too was tasked to enter the most-densed forestations here. Then the novelty died. People go back to their daily lives and Singapore turn its attention to the F1, the IRs, the Singapore Idol audition...

Come on, it took the Malaysians to step up their game and nab the fcuker. Why are we patting ourselves for a job well done? Why are we taking the credit when it's clearly the nonchalance and complacency of our 'Government officers'? Well, i hope whoever(the Government, Crime Library, businessmen, rich kaypoh individuals who tries to be a superhero and generously donates money to anyone who finds him) promises a bounty of millions of dollars for MSK's head better start remitting money to the Malaysian people. The ride has ended. This is no fun. What next? It'll take the eskimos to locate Osama Bin Laden? For now, playing Where's Wally? sounds more fun to me. Gee...

The Vanson Jacket

Oh, this caught my eye when i caught X-Men Origins - Wolverine. The super-dope leather jacket that Hugh Jackman wore in the movie. I LIKE!

And not departing without words for my H... I LOVE YOU. I hope you are able to forgive the simplest and complexity of mistakes and with you, i understand the words - Tolerance, Patience, Trust, Devotion & Respect. You have shaped my perspective on relationships and love. Thank You for loving me unconditionally. I hope we will be more motivated to flourish and nurture the love within. I am unafraid to face the fight because i am going on a battle with you. I need your strength to do this. Please.

Roads To Revolution

2009-04-30T14:53:00.009+08:00

Unbelievable. The specialized SPF unit that i had worked in for the last FOUR years will officially defunct today. The integral task of guarding the airport from threats of hijacks, terrorism and sabotage will be taken over by a private security company, Certis Cisco. Former colleagues were offered multiple opportunities to step forward in their career.

Snippets of information heard from the grapevine, some grabbed the offer to transfer to Immigration Checkpoints Authority of Singapore(ICA). A handful remained in the airport division, being delegated new roles. And then you have the older staff who has made the resolution to retire comfortably with at least $40,000 as a mark of loyalty to service and being extended the golden handshake.

For the record, i am not bitter. It is always good to leave at the peak of one's career. I have done exactly that. I resigned on a good note. Casting indelible impression on supervisors, colleagues, personnels within the division, our commander and the staff from various agencies that i've worked hand in hand with within the airport, i feel i have already contributed the best that i can give. I have immense gratitude for the consistent A gradings for my yearly performance assessment, the multiple awards in recognition of my hard work and the strong affinity fostered among the superiors and colleagues. Bless this.

I am in good hands of the future. My life is on the right track. My studies are doing well. I am in a wonderful relationship. Plus, i am in perfect health. I am thankful that pieces of life's puzzle falls on the correct fit.

The TWO things that would be the icing on the cake are my desire to participate in Singapore Idol 2009 and to snag a good career that pays well. It would be nice to stand up on my own two feet and clear my disorderly finances. I kinda miss going shopping for expensive clothes. A short getaway trip to neighbouring countries would be amazing. It'll come around. If i can get around the notion of shelving jobs that don't correlate with my qualifications.

Superficial thoughts i know but i want a job that mirrors my academic certificates. They say this is no time to be choosy in the downturn but i say i have no interest to job-hop, man. I want that one sole job where i can sustain for as long as my services are required and for as long as i feel the time is right to move on to the next level.

We'll talk more on the idol part soon, yeah.

PS: Buddy Shawal, thanks for the movie treat. I hope i've been of a decent company thus far and glad to be a confidante on your relationship woes. Because i need your ears to share my fair share of love problems too. Good job on being a great friend. ;)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Guilty as charged. I messed up.

I am struggling to sustain this relationship. I can't get used to arguements that transpired time and again. Beneath my aloofness exterior exposes my vulnerability and ambiguity in facing obstacles in a love. But i am making restitutions in the form of gripping a little harder on the harness, putting in substantial amount of effort, rendering commitment at my best, picking myself up after the hard knocks, showering surmountable love and making good of promises.

I must thank you for pulling me back when i teetered on the edge. I cannot do this myself. I need you to keep this going. I apologise for being the repeat offender in igniting ambivalency. In repetitive basis. These truly trying times is a testament of our formidability in love. I really cannot imagine going seperate ways because the dream settings that we are in is euphoria and beauteous. Make it work for us. I don't want thoughts of 'leaving you' to haunt me. Please.

I Love You.

The Inverted Pyramid

2009-04-26T13:30:00.005+08:00

I promise to make today's post concise. It will be pretty much sedated, thank you. NOT!

I can safely wrap the week on a good note, albeit some impediment challenged my patience and strength. The week has been a whirlwind affair i must add. It was a concoction of the good, the bad, and the ugly of situations and circumstances.

Roll the camera...
I will begin my Diploma in Police Studies in Temasek Polytechnic tomorrow. A part of me rejoices for the fact that i have made it to poly after an arduous educational journey. It will be a THREE year course. When that is completed, i will have an array of qualifications in my arsenal.
'N' & 'O' Levels. Professional Certificate in Marketing & Communications/Diploma in Mass Communications from University of Oklahoma, U.S. Diploma in Police Studies, TP.

But i am not stopping short of amassing credentials. Studying is a lifelong journey. Most people are glad to have completed their school life. But it is otherwise in my case. I will gun for my Advanced Diploma & Bachelor's Degree in Mass Comm. in the near future when i am financially stable. I reckon most of my extra income will be invested in my studies.

People buy hot new shoes, a blazin' jacket, high-end electronic gadgets or spend carelessly when they have money to spare. I am not in that league. I don't hanker for material things. Yes, it will be nice to own that sleek digital camera or extravagant mobile phone..No does it for me. On hindsight, i have lived the luxury life of getting the things i want. But priorities changed as i grew older and wiser. I am devoted to my studies. I am anticipating tomorrow with delight. :)

Later in the evening will be a grandeur affair. It is Star Awards 2009. I am an ardent viewer of this award show. I've been watching it ever since i grew to appreciate and savour local dramas. I mean, come on. Don't we all grow up watching local drama serials, apart from those retrolicious cartoons? This is the thing of childhood. Chinese drama serials are often reflections of life. I corroborate that. The local dramas churned out are truly remarkable. Good script, good acting and good plots...Well, i guess what fascinates me most will be the choice of clothes the artistes wear later and the dramatic wins and shockers. Grits.

Still on a good note, ANTM cycle 12's Natalie, aka The Arrogant Bitch, has been ousted. God is fair. I've been waiting and my prayers are answered. For the uninitiated, she was the resident bitch of Top Model. Aren't we all sucker for intense hatred for bitches in reality shows who looms around for as long that we fanatically watch the shows week after week so that we will see them to their timely death? Survivor Tocantins wrapped my week too. Tyson the son of a bitch got eliminated. Wee.

Final semester for the final Mass Comm. module kicked off yesterday. Couple of freshly-baked hotties spotted, bigger turnout, plenty new faces and genial lecturer whose hilarious choice of clothes(green shirt/green vest/green trousers) tickled me silly...It's too early to foresee potential friends but it's all good. I will graduate in a hasty future. Yesh!

I am thinking of putting forth my vocal skills for Singapore Idol 2009. You think i cut it? Everything is hazy in my mind and intuitions have not send any precise signal. I am not dying to be on TV. I just love singing. Okay, and i want to be a recognised face. What gives?

I promise to get a new job soon and i will align my finances to be moderately stable. Hurdles stumped me. Family and a couple of friends have bailed me out from the financial impairment. I will sail through. Everything that has a start surely will have its endings. Right?

Life - You've not made me weaker. I get my strength from your tests and i am a living proof. I can deal with you whatever comes this way. I am challenged by your battles and to concede defeat is not the way i have built my life thus far to be. I am brave. My ego and my arrogance is my guard. My faith and beliefs are firmly implanted. My strength is stupendous. You are stupid to think you can make and break me. I will knuckle-punch your balls, bitch. Trust a try.

I LOVE H.

The Repeat Offender

2009-04-21T05:44:00.004+08:00

I have lost count how many times i have uttered the sorry word, verbally, in text and in blogposts. We vowed to put a period to this altercation but somehow the stubborn doubt creeps in and overwhelms the feelings of you and i.

My crime is i have poor time management. I don't know how to divide my time and attention for a loved one, best friends and family. I cannot be selfish and uphold one a level up than the others. They are the most important people in my life. It will be heart-rending should a day come when i have to contemplate dropping one at the behest of another's interest.

I am trying my best to salvage this. It seems the harder we fight for it, the stronger the tidal waves come hittin'. One after another obstacle gets laid on our path. I admit my ego is brimful and it is hard to stave it off. I cannot ingest the fact that i made mistakes. I cannot be receptive of the reality of my guilt. I am oblivious to the pain i have caused in callous measures.

Now i am ready to seek your forgiveness, in all sincerity and in sobered state. And in return i only ask for you to invest the trust and faith in me. I only seek your understanding that i yearn for the company of friends too, without getting embroiled in an allegation fiasco. Again, i have not looked elsewhere because my eyes are busy looking out for you. Best believe that.

Everything you said hits home just now. You were remarkably spot-on about my ego level, my insensitivities and my failure to feel what you feel deep within. For that, i will keep them in check. I hope you don't feel like my domineering nature gets too overbearing. I am ready to face my mistake and i wish you will be responsive to my apologetic post.

Please...

Stories Unfold

2009-04-19T19:03:00.008+08:00

''I prayed for the sun after the storm. The sun came. I am glad i noticed the light that represents a ray of hope''... I was entangled in melancholia last night. I broke down yet again after a profuse bitter conversation with H, my adored. I mentioned something about 'leaving and not interfering with your life anymore'. The feeling is terrible. Somehow when you get heated in the spur of the moment, you tend to say things on impulse. I am utterly apologetic that i made H go through this agonizing moment.

I admit it is my inflating ego that warrants anyone to abide to my calling. I've been selfish. It has always been me, myself & i. And the ultimatum yields pain for both parties. I don't want to go through this calamity again. I don't wish to hurt my loved ones anymore. They have been polite and kind enough to tolerate my whims and fancies. I have always wanted things to go my way, at the expense of others. But if it compromises the healthy relationships i have fostered with people, then i know where to point the finger to.

I am sorry, H. Forgive me. There will always be time for you. I have always put you above everything else. The crown will always belong to you. You rule every part of me. I am yours truly. You said this whirlwind period is written with a permanent marker in our fairytale pages. One that you don't think you can erase. I am saying you can. Tear it out and burn the pages then. Only then we can write on a fresh new page. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, H.

To Trishma, yeah it takes a man to cry. I cried in this relationship. That speaks the genuinity of my love, i guess. I am unafraid to shed tears, only if it falls for the right reasons, for the right person.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Life deals me with cards of whimsical effect. I have undergone so many changes from the beginning of this year. Four months on and i have consistently metamorphosised, attributed to significant life-changing experiences. Slightly imbalanced disposition currently but i will find my footings. Life has given me hardships but it also gave me strength to battle it.

On a cheery note, i have found my new Best Friend Forever. He is Shawal, my man. I see pieces of myself in him i swear. Like a copy of me. You rock, dude! That makes him the latest addition to round up my Top 12 BFFs. Ha... But i reckon he can easily ease his way to be my best buddy because it's uncanny that we have the chemistry and share so many things in common. We complement each other in the outlook department predominantly. Things of ironic similarity - Swagger. Check. Fit & fabulous. Check. Intelligent. Check. Viciously bitchy. Check. Hip-hop/R&B infatuation. Check. Thinks we are blacks and hails from the ghetto. Check. Fluently conversant. Check. Tight T-shirt. Check. Sports Nut. Check.

I agree we need to form our entourage. Smokin' hot dudes need apply. No females. Must NOT speak mandarin. Require to work in crazy shifts. Must know way around Singapore. Must have the guts to venture to solitary places. Must know your Lil' Wayne from Lil' Mo. Must be able to learn at least THREE Keri Hilson songs. Must have the attitude and arrogant bastard look. Must have at least O level. Must live in the East (or else it will be a bitch to send you home if west or north). Must be able to create ripples and elicit whispers each time with the entourage. Shortlisting criteria and closing date - In the thirty seconds you have to create an impression. WTH.

The list of Top 12 BFFs will be revealed in the forthcoming post...Until then, treat me to Fish & Co., buy me a Gaultier bag, don't piss me off, keep saying i am handsome and carry my balls. Maybe i will edit and tweak the list before the reveal. And no, nothing from the Little Nyonya makes the cut. ;)

Restoring The Faith

2009-04-16T21:07:00.003+08:00

I am sorry for being both sensitive and insensitive. It's because i love you too deeply that i nitpicked every single thing that i figure will and will not do for you. It's an imperfection on my part. But you know i will keep an infinite lookout for you. Being older gives me the responsibility to shelter you from the dark, the rain and the storm. I admit i am protective over your well-being. I hope you don't deduce it as me being a control freak.

I have sacrificed so many things thus far that you may or may not be aware of. I have gone the distance. I have vowed to love you more than i can ever love myself. I look at you lovingly time and again. I cried in my heart whenever i had to leave you as we end the night. I know we have never doubted each other's love. But let me tell you my love for you has evolved into something so fortified that it's inexplainable.

I hated the part when i get those hot flushes. I tried so hard to curb any spillage of discontentment. I just want you to understand that i am vocal about it because i want you to know what and how i feel. It's like a stab to the heart when we parted at just now. I had no qualms of travelling out of my way just to send you to your venue just now. But this happened and i feel rotten. We walked away from the obvious. Please forgive me.

I am fighting my manly tears as i'm writing this. I think long and hard on my hour-long journey home in the bus a while ago and i concede, i started this mess. I want to run to you and give you my sincere and warmest hug, a tender kiss and pour more love into this works. These tears will fall only for you.

I LOVE YOU, H.

Good Things Comes To Those Who Wait

2009-04-14T09:58:00.006+08:00

I confess i have been lax in dropping posts in my blog. The irregularity has prompted readers to ask me to update consistently or kill it off for good. Relax, lar. Love has spun me like a cotton candy. That's why i'm in a daze. It seems nothing i do outside of love has much relevance. I have neglected friends who urge me for suppers. I have taken a hiatus from my daily night runs. My focus on my studies has degenerated. And can you believe this, i was busy spending time and making memories with my partner in the wee morning of examination day. TWICE. I'm supposed to be loyal to revisions, i know. Grades may slipped, but love feeds the hunger more you know. It has been worthwhile. Every minute is unwasted. Ehez...

But don't worry about me. I have tackled the examinations paper unabatedly. It requires essay-form of answers and to conjure cock-and-bull story, there is not much information textbooks can furnish you. Common sense and some recollection of lectures suffice. That's the reason why i vaguely studied for HMC and TPSW. Ooo...

Have you been to Tampines 1 yet? Bloody hell. It is overtly crowded, man. I understand that any new mall sprouted in our concrete jungle will allure Singaporeans from all corners of Singapore. But the mall ain't going anywhere, yeah? Oh, what's with the rabid infatuation with Japanese retail store Uniqlo anyway? I have never liked 'heartland' labels. That's because prolific brands will lose its exquisiteness and luxury if it is taken to the heartland. That makes it dirt cheap and affordable for stupid HDB hearlanders to buy the garments. Pretty soon that soon kueh seller auntie from block 498 will parade in her cheapskate Uniqlo T-shirt. And so will Neng Sukerti the maid from Bandung, Auntie Letchumi who lives four floors from you, Mak Senah the keropok peddler from the opposite block, Balwinder Gujarat Singh who works in pest control...

I am really affected by Topshop/Topman residing in Tampines 1 too. I think i gotta burn my clothes bought from them. Son-of-a-bitch.

What's next? Louis Vuitton opening its designer boutique in Bedok Interchange selling $45 'IT' handbags? Yves Saint Laurent branching out to Toa Payoh Central selling haute couture evening gowns? Gucci opening its no frills outlet in Geylang Serai market? UNSEXY.

Oh fcuk it. I am playing the waiting game for now. Waiting for Natalie the fcuking bitch to get eliminated from America's Next Top Model 12. Waiting for Coach, Debbie & Tyson of Survivor Tocantins to get their bloody torches snuffed out. Waiting for the telegenic Asian powerhouse, brother & sister - Tammy & Victor of the Amazing Race to get to the finishing line and win the cool million. Waiting for my Diploma in Mass Comm scroll. Waiting for a new career. Waiting to punch a severely deformed, obese and repulsive classmate whom i'd mentioned previously for ratting and bitching about me...

And finally...i was in the train last saturday. As usual, a train ride to school so long that i can do manicure on my nails, wait for it to dry and repaint it in other colours and repeating the process...I fiddled with my handphone's contact list...and yeay...i actually bother to narrow down who my best friends are, out of 400 plus friends...and i have my TOP 10. Sorry Paris, you have only one BFF. Well, the list is more shocking than the list of actors from The Little Nyonya sweeping most of the nominations for the upcoming Star Awards 2009. Shivers...

Okay, i have talked a little too much. I gotta stuff myself with tea and chocolate waffles...Great posts to come and until then, you wait long-long and many-many okay? ;p

Psst...I LOVE YOU, H.

A Modern Fairytale

2009-04-08T11:08:00.003+08:00

Written In The Page

I have never stopped gushing about you. I cannot avert my eyes even for a mere minute from you. I will constantly breathe love to you. The look in your eyes puts me at ease. I found perennial ecstasy everytime i get to be next to you. I am willing to trade everything that i own just to be yours truly in the lifelong aspect. I want to look to you for comfort, inspiration and support each time i needed it. Your faith is pure. Your hope is unwavering. Your love beckons.

You elicit a little laugh in me when you make those faces. Every 'I Love Yous' sounds sweeter than the last. Every moment we created is more special than the previous. I will take care of you in impeccable or ailing health. Good or bad times. Highs and lows of life. In rich and in poor.

I would go down on my knees and propose to you without hesitation if i had my way. Because i see myself with you forever. You never fail to amaze me. I may have nothing to my name and i don't care for things material. Your love is my air that i breathe to live my life. We don't need fairy godmothers, step-sisters, evil witches, dwarves and elves in this fairytale. Just prince charming and his paramour.

I have married you. You are my world, H.

For a sidetrack insert, here is an ode to a good friend, Eric;

Goodbyes are never easy to utter,
It's harder when you can't do so,
Will we revisit the lives of each other,
when for now we're letting go?

Thank you for the wisdom,
I learned from the mistakes,
You've left an immense impression,
A lesson i'll forever retain.

Good luck with your academic life. :)

Resentment Theory

2009-04-04T02:51:00.017+08:00

I HATE THE PART when... Part One

1. People don't say a word of thanks when you press and hold the 'open' lift button for them while they exit (I'm not your fcuking Marina Mandarin hotel lift attendant).

2. People uses LOL, ROFL, LMAO and some other retarded sms language in their blogs, sms or networking sites. It is so immature, uncultured and silly. (I just feel like throwing a chair at your face if you do).

3. People don't return their plates & trays after eating at a fast-food place or food court. (You think you are some Nepalese crown prince that the cleaner's job is to clean up after you?)

4. People parked like an idiot and taking up the next lot's space.

5. Aunties swing their handbags back and forth the ezlink tap machine at the MRT station, thus holding back irate passengers because the card buried in the bag could not find the sensor. (YOU STUPID BITCH! I SWEAR I WOULD'VE JUST KICKED YOU OUT FROM THE BACK!)

6. People do cutesy 'peace' sign in their photoshots. (It's irritating, it's not adorable and you look like a moronic demon).

7. Cab drivers spew casual, life and government-laced conversations during my cab trips. (Shut the hell up. I need my peace & quiet you son-of-a-bitch. Do i look like i want to discuss why casinos are built in our shores or share ERP grouse to you?).

8. People who are engaged with their phone calls and doing transactions at the same time at ATM machine, stalling people at the queue for a substantial amount of time.

9. Friends go out on dates with you but are incessantly busy creating/sending sms to someone.

10. Barbers & hairdressers who trimmed my sideburns despite saying 'DO NOT TOUCH THE SIDEBURNS'.

11. Family members interrupt my 'shitting' time and hurried me to come out just because they want to use the bathroom too. I very much hate to be disturbed.

12. Petrol kiosk attendant remained by your car for you to give tips. (If i give you tips for every THREE days i top-up the petrol, it might as well be the amount of your monthly salary).

13. People have 598 friends in their Facebook or Friendster, when in reality they don't know most of them. Who are you kidding?

14. Cashiers who simply threw down your change over the counter without properly depositing it at the palm of your hands.

15. Cyclists inched out of the lane and causes motorists like myself to deftly swerve the vehicle to avoid hitting them. Whose bright idea was it to allow cyclists to share the roads with motorists? Didn't anyone do a research on the disparity of speed? SACK THE LTA OR TRANSPORT MINISTER IN-CHARGE. IMMEDIATELY.

16. Waiters who promptly clear your plates after your meal. It is damn rude to do that and to even ask if diners are done with their meals. I don't like to be interrupted, be it i have done or have unfinished food on my plate.

17. People who do not leash their dogs or let it sit on chairs of public eateries. YOU FCUKING DOG. I DON'T KNOW WHO IS MORE HUMANE HERE.

18. People do not give up their seats to the elderly or children in tow and amazingly fallen into deep slumber the moment the action calls for it.

19. Surveyors, sales and marketing people stand by the MRT sheltered walkways and aggressively harass victims for their time and attention.

20. Job advertisments require 'must be able to converse with chinese speaking clients/customers'. What the fcuk is this discriminatory pre-requisite?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You My Rock

I cannot express how much i care for you, look out for you and love you with every beat of my heart. My life is complete. You make moments for me. Every minute i'm with you is so worthwhile. I cannot compare this wonderful feeling in our private moments with any other. Sometimes i wish the night don't take away the time. Your love for me means the world to me. Your arrival during the darkest hour of my life somehow has shed a light. Because of it, i found my way out.

There is no doubt in my mind the love you have furnished me. You breathed love into my life. It's evident in the way you looked in my eyes. And when you consumed the essence of me. With that, i am forever a part of you. One which will saturate in your flesh and blood. My dear, I want to hold on to this for now and for always. You consistently tell me how much you love me. And how much you misses me when we are apart. And even hearing my voice can uplift your day. I thank you. I really am listening despite you constantly confiding in me on your day's going-ons. I want to hear everything you want to tell me. I care to know.

I hope you help me to keep our love afloat. Allow me to reside in your heart and keep me under the tightest of security. I believe you will. Because what we have is real. I truly am at peace when you rest on my chest. I am your diamond. You are my rock.

- I LOVE YOU, H. -

Enigma

2009-04-02T09:45:00.005+08:00

Eddie

HAS FOUND LOVE IN...

Poison Fruit

2009-04-01T16:32:00.010+08:00

I've faced some turbulent moments in my life. I've sailed choppy seas and i've weathered the storm. I've learned from falling. I believe what does not kill you will make you stronger. This is in reference to a blog post of a classmate, whose naive traits has invited negative energies to permeate her head. She allows a so-called BFF to manipulate her thoughts, the BFF using her as a vessel to deride and backstabbed me. She actually believed this melodrama script that he has penned for her. The kink here is the BFF told her, i asked him to be a team member of a group project. He declined and so i ran him down for the purpose of exacting revenge. FCUK YOU. I've never talked to you, i've never liked you, i've never want you to be in my group and i have no interest to be friends with you. What makes you think you are an asset?

The unfortunate thing is the naive character here chose to buy the story. I am not going to confront you or the BFF. I am not going to hunt you both down either. I won't stoop to your level because i am way up there while you guys are beneath my feet. I am cultured. And when someone tries to hurt you, you just don't try to hurt them back. That's because you will simply be on par with their character. You will be a mirror image of their skanky attitude. I will NEVER care to be your friend again. I mean well on the ride home and everything else. But you just cannot learn to listen to yourself. Good luck girl. He will dispense you the sweets like a candy machine and the repercussion is, you keep paying for your feed. That will be the price you pay. I hope God forgives you both, because i won't.

Eric and Shane has always been my backbone and trusty sidekicks in my group projects and throughout my course of study and i don't see why we would even bother asking YOU to be a part of the outfit. I don't know why you would try to inflict harm on me when i've been nice to everyone so far. It's the most gentleman thing to do. If i don't fancy someone, i will tell it as it is and don't beat around the bush. But if you are infringing on my personal space and go around talking smack about me, then you are just sore that you can't get to be my friend. Get out of my elite and uncaring face.

On a more saccharine sweet dedication;

It's been an elevated and amazing week. I've been spending precious time with my partner. Life cannot negotiate with me a better phase of life, or trade this wonderful endeavours i've embraced so far. I found my life with you and i am confident we will weave thousands more memories. Everyday is more exquisite than the last. I am besotted. You touched me in many more ways than one. I thank you for making me your man, H.

This song is for you - THIS IS LOVE

Can you describe the moment
When two people fall in love
Some say the clouds will spin in circles
And the rain will turn to dust

The poor will start to laugh
Even the rich will start to cry
It can sneak up like a soldier
It can wake you up at night

That's what i feel when I'm standing here with you
It's what my heart has sworn to be true

This is love
It's written on my face
It's the way i lean my body towards you
Even when I'm a 100 miles away
This is love like a diamond in the sand
It took so long to find you
I can't wait another day to say

This is love
ohh
this is love yeah

You take my imperfections
And turn them into art
If i could change one thing about you
There would be no place to start
You are safety without numbers
You are dangerously wild
But you're sweeter than rock candy
And you ease my inner child

That's what i feel when i'm standing here with you
That's what my heart has sworn to be true

This is love
It's written on my face
It's the way i lean by body towards you
Even when i'm a 100 miles away
This is love like a diamond in the sand
It took so long to find youI can't wait another day to say
This is love ohh yeah

No i'm no easy angel
I'm moody like the wind
I am impatient, complicated
I am fragile deep within
But you're no fool
And i'm no little girl
Have we not found there is love in the world?

This is love I said it's written on my face
It's the way i lean my body towards you
Even when i'm a 100 miles away

This is love like a diamond in the sand
It took so long to find youI can't wait another day to say
This is love oh this is love, love, love this, this is love

I will disclose my partner's identity when the appropriate time comes. I know you dear friends can't wait. I hope when i do, please be proud for me.

LOVE knows no sky. :)

Euphoria

2009-03-30T18:20:00.004+08:00

I am heavily infatuated. Love has assimilate into my physical, mental and spiritual aspect. Every minute with you feels like the world just stops spinning, and yield us momentary yet substantial bliss. I discovered my niche in you. The interlocks of embrace, sweet surrender and heart subservience validates the genuine love i have established with you.

I want to sustain this relationship for as long as time would grant us. I dream of you asleep and awake. I want to foster an incredible companionship with you. I hate to be circumspect but trust me, i will want to live and lead a life of generic proportion. I want to make public this undiscovered gem of a relationship.

I want to be able to gaze into your eyes and get lost in careless thoughts. I want you to lay on my chest and find heaven in all our bodily contacts. I thank you for being the perfect fit. The puzzle piece that i've been searching for. Believe me when i profess that it is love. You've lifted my hope. You gave me reason to concede love is a wonderful feeling. Because of you, i restored my faith. Goodbye solitude. I don't walk alone now.

Amazing.

This post is in dedication to you - H :)

8th Wonder Of The World

2009-03-28T13:06:00.003+08:00

Cupid shot me. I am bestowed with opportunity, bravado and strength to delve into an unaccustomed path. The declaration transpired in the godly bewitching hours of saturday. Right under the nose of the ebony blanketed sky. There we were, eluding every hint of subtle trepidations. It became almost magically surreal when confessions abound. Time froze. An eerie but enchanting silence beckons. I became a part of your life. You manifested your indelible presence in my heart. It's such a beautiful transition. Love of the unknown is no longer a peculiar thing to say. It can be as general as the mind and heart wants to believe. It's a perfect and normal as any relationships allowed. I hope the magical dust could loom for as long. I will let things work themselves out. It's the affairs of the heart which does not need the patronizing of the mind.

Believe me babe, i'll be the greatest man you ever loved. I can be the best boyfriend material comparable to any refined romantic flicks or novels. You asked for me. And you will get the one true me. I entrust and invest my faith in this. I love the sweetness of the forbidden fruit. I love the vibe that you emanate. I am enchanted.

LOVE.

Sugar & Spice

2009-03-26T23:38:00.004+08:00

Hello mister man. Can i rest on my laurels now?

I've been chasing dreams. And now, i am tired. I have reached my breaking point. I realized i am not an immortal. The running that i've been doing while chasing after my goals and aspirations has rendered me breathless. Do i persist and bolt towards the finishing point because time is a factor or should i take a slow jog and learn to appreciate the surroundings knowing i will get to the end line eventually?

I want to venture for a new career. Sure, there are myriad of jobs available, which is an unspoken truth and a testament of the job market burgeoning despite the economic downturn. Somehow i cannot adhere to the notable advice of 'don't be fussy or you will get none at all.' I want a career. Not a job. I hate the idea of working part-time. I cannot see the essence of it. It just signals for me to pack up my act in due time and going through the cyclical process of interviews and the works.

I cannot comprehend why some people can switch jobs time and again. I want to snag a career and last preferbably for as long as i can contribute to the organization. I want to be able to conserve my CVs in the drawer and keep it under lock and key. It's really cumbersome sorting your qualification papers, updating resumes, lugging your certificates to interviews, memorizing rebuttals for interview sessions, anticipating selection calls...

Final presentation for the semester later in the day. It's amazing that we are armed with substantial materials and it should suffice for an A. I have been anointed the best speaker to precede the presentation and i trust my group members to be equally effective speakers.

My buddy Eric told me he has decided to forgo a module that bodes well with his schedule, and jumped on the bandwagon with me for my last module. A module that does not sit well with him because of the lecture days. Really. That's extremely a nice gesture. Thoughtful at that. He claimed 'because of you!'. I still cannot buy that statement. Because we have a love-hate relationship. He will compliment and curse me under the same breath. Okay i hear you...i'll buy you something more than dinner...you're my Bestie bestie bestie besite....

A Media Circus

2009-03-22T23:32:00.008+08:00

First of, apologies for the inconsistent update. Contrary to popular belief, i DO NOT standby next to the computer constantly. I am not a TV junkie too. Alas, i will only last a mere, one single TV show in front of the telly and my concentration will diminish in rapidity. I don't watch TV for more than 3 hours a day. Blame it on a short-attention span, lacklustre TV programmes and simply, i can't spare no time for it. Local programmes are dismal anyway. And when i do attempt to wear the shoes of a couch potato momentarily, it will only be for the sole reason of catching Survivor, The Amazing Race, America's Next Top Model or the 9pm local chinese drama serials. Yah, i am an ah-sao wannabe, can? (Holland Village & The Little Nyonya rules!)

I have lost faith in our TV shows and station. Hence the refusal in supporting local media. Gone are the nostalgic days of Growing Up, Under One Roof, The Ra-Ra Show, Triple Nine, Manhunt Singapore/Elite Model pageants, Asia Bagus, Live On Five and the myriad of local sitcoms(Now Boarding/Happy Belly/Phua Chu Kang) and docudramas(Red Code/True Story/True Courage). Lucky for the salvo - a new favourite - Unexpected Access. And thank heavens Crimewatch sailed the passing of time because i personally think the show rocks, albeit the re-enactment's bad acting. I'm giving props to the show because Police is my thing, la!

What keeps the pendulum swinging you ask? How exactly do i spend the day? Well, i have better things to pan my interest to - the paramount being run, swim and gym. You can figure i am a health nut. Is there such a word as sportsaholic? My previous posts pertinent to sports are palpable and is a testimony to that. Somehow after the strenuous exertion of energies in my sporting activities, a six-pack remains elusive. Son-of-a-bitch.

School never fail to keep me incarcerated with revisions and researches. Exams aside, i am marveling the fact that i will soon complete my mass comm studies. One more module in the bag for the last semester. I reckon i can take on my Graduation Project deftly. The contenders are Social Behavioural Studies, Journalism, Human Mass Comm and Techniques of Professional Speaking & Writing.

To debunk the myth, i am choosing my topic based on what i have affinity with. The ONE module that i have honest interest in. And a subject that i can ace in and prove my mettle in the same tune. I am not adhering to testaments or invalidated advice from friends, who egged me to pick an easy subject which does not require intense research plus comprehensive yet cumbersome requirements from the lecturer. I just have a hunch that i will take a stab at Journalism. Because my niche is writing. How else do you think i am able to publish a blog if i don't have the backbone in writing skills? Heee...

And here it is...THAT six-pack remains elusive...

Pecs But No Abs. Yeah. It sounds like Thanks, But No Thanks :(((

CRIMEBUSTERS

2009-03-17T13:06:00.007+08:00

POLICEMEN ARE NOT SUPERHEROES!!!

1. Policeman needs to eat & drink.

2. Policeman proceeds to cases in a patrol car, not by means of flying or by supernatural forces.

3. Policeman needs to *cough* look at girls *cough* lookout for potential offenders and suspicious characters.

4. Policeman too, needs to go to the toilet sometimes.

5. Policeman is not a walking street directory.

6. Policeman will also feel tired at times.

7. Policeman cannot stop a dog from barking, unless he makes hotdog out of it.

8. Policeman are not security officers...Policeman cannot be there 24hrs to look after a bicycle.

9. Policeman do not work for the AA...Policeman cannot change tyre & jumpstart your vehicle.

10. Policeman's duty is to fight crime, not to lookout for some cute lost pets.

11. Policeman realises that there is no such thing as "A person sleeping at the void deck causing nuisance", as Policeman realises that a person cannot sleep and cause nuisance to other people at the same time unless he's sleepwalking.

12. Policeman will not give discounts or privileges to and neither fear offenders who identify themselves as lawyers, RC members/chairman or big shots in some press companies etc, simply because Policeman does not show favouritism and act in accordance to the powers given to him under the law.

13. Policeman is neither mechanically driven nor have any spider's instinct.

14. Policeman cannot arrest people for failing to pay taxi fare or people who scolded complainant's mother.

15. Policeman cannot go into a telephone booth, change into some super hero costume with funny red underwear on the outside and proceed to scan for the culprit with his bionic x-ray vision in an attempt to locate and apprehend him.

Lastly & sometimes most importantly...

16. Policeman also pay income tax!!

That Was Then, This Is Now

2009-03-16T17:11:00.009+08:00

It's been an unprecedented hiatus. And for the record, i have not retreated into seclusion after the previous post of wailing afflictions. I have had the chance to do some spiritual cleansing rather. The periodical rainfall also rendered a zen calm of sorts and i guess i am coping fine now. I'm in a clean slate of constitution and being.

The exams are drawing near. Frankly speaking, i have not embarked on any revisions or researches as yet. The textbooks are as thick as a skull. The lecturer will only supplement the class with possible exam topics only during the final lesson of the semester. Hmf...I wish i have the diligency to dutifully feed my mind by casually reading the whole ten topics. But i am not motivated to do so right now. I've been busy amassing presentation materials, writing essays for submission and everything relative to my studies.

It will be another stab for an A tomorrow. It's good that the lecturer is flexible enough to allow students to re-do their presentations. He gave me the ultimatum. Settle for a B or do a little bit more to acquire an A. It's a win-win situation. If the sophomore attempt falls flat, a B will still be awarded. Awww...that means i get to perform my glass shattering songs again!

I think i've fallen in love over the weekend. It's stupendous by all accounts because people know me as the reluctant lover, hopeless romantic or the cynical bastard. I am a commitment-phobe too. I am not eager to divulge any previews on that person because i might elicit some eyebrow-raising reactions and sheer backlash. It's fairly unorthodox and since the feelings are mutual, i am willing to accept that person to be a part of my life.

I need a companion badly. Sure, buddies, besties and friends can accede to your itinery/agenda-ladened timetable...but sometimes, you need to cling on to someone for that warmth, intimacy and sweet embrace, glistened with the love dust and all the works. I have fallen for the wrong person everytime. And the ones who are besotted with me are the ones i don't have feelings for. I am a love atheist then. But surely i can be converted to be a believer now?

You moved mountains.

A Mental Note

2009-03-11T15:18:00.004+08:00

It's official. I am in a downcast. I cannot point a finger to exactly what contributes to this. But i know it'll take a whole lot of an effort for the wave to simmer down. I hate it when mood swings overrun me. I can get slighted at the most trivial things. Blame the erratic weather. Blame it on the truckload of schoolwork. Blame it on my financial indisposition. Blame me for being inept in time management. Blame the economic downturn. Blame the jinxed year of the ox.

The best remedy is for me to take one day at a time. I have been pretty much aggressive and impassionate in pursuing my dreams, that i have failed to wake up and smell the coffee. I have neglected the beauty and fancy of life. I have ignored the very existence of the people around me. I have forgotten the taste of love. I have cast aside the significance of those little things that i find of worthless attention. I have shrugged off advice from people who meant well in rendering comfort for me. For once i concede, I AM DEFEATED.

I have a mountainous ego to shave off. I have to stop being ignorant. I have to go out and appreciate the last few drops of morning dew on the ferns and smell the perfumed petals while at it. I need to donate even the faintest of smiles at the NTUC supermarket cashier auntie. I want to drive out by myself in the wake of the night and get lost on unfamiliar roads. Just so i can sort my thoughts doing so. I want to run the extra miles and end the run all breathless and soaked in perspiration. I have to at least turn around and look at the people who i normally don't pay attention to with that extra second so i can understand them beyond their outlook.

I have to make the switch. Switch the lights so the room can be lit for me to see clearly. Switch the bulbs so i can start to get the mind working productively. Switch from a sleep mode to an active mode. Switch the power outlet so the blender can get spinning again. Switch to my alter ego and take over the baton and see life in a different perspective.

For starters, here is a video - SWITCH. Along with the stunning ladies of Victoria's Secret, to pave the way for it all. Burn my fire, girls.

The Miseducation Of A Citizen

2009-03-07T12:50:00.006+08:00

Is nudity and sex both abominable words? I beg to differ. The generic perception is skin exhibition is vehemently dissented by the bulk of the population, oblivious to the Hollywood and MTV generation, whose influence is congruently staid and inevitable.

Skin-baring is not all taboo and a loathsome term. I just cannot comprehend why people are still harbouring primitive notions that nudity equates to a crime here in Singapore. What comes under 'indecent exposure'? Before i elaborate further, refer to these indelible events that made the news over the last few years -

1. Jake Ng (Former Manhunt Singapore finalist whose nude photos were circulated online)
2. The caucasian and chinese woman who boldly trawled Holland Village in their birthday suits much to the chagrin and delight of patrons
3. The elderly man who were reported to the police for donning a swimming trunk, which is counted as inappropriate, at the beach
4. The adventures of Tammy NYP's most-downloaded raunchy video, circa FOUR years ago
5. The malay exhibitionist bloke whose lurid and graphic public masturbation videos became the focal talk in several forums page
6. The epidemical distribution of homemade sex videos via handphone's bluetooth starring nubile and precocious Singaporean adolescents
7. The reported case of the taxi driver uncle who parades in his underwear at East Coast Beach's carpark and was subsequently interviewed by the police after complaints from the public were lodged
8. The widely and immensely popular local talent Annabel Chong claim-to-fame with her intrepid feat of having sex with 251 men in a span of a few hours
9. Caldecott's reigning queen - Zoe Tay 'I swallow' advertisement tagline
10. Julian Hee (A wholesome and well-packaged local actor whose aparrent 'nude' photographs were taken during his modelling days and one whose body is the much talked about in the media industry)

This is truly baffling. We frowned upon and penalised people for committing such acts but when push comes to shove, our nation is one of the countries of prevalent vice activities. It's true. And Geylang is actually a licensed venue where one can solicit and select a bevy of hookers lining on numbered streets and engaging in cheap thrills. Don't let me get started on Deskar Road. Or the solitary and dingy grounds of Fort Road. And not to mention the local attraction of multi-ethnic ladyboys sightings in Changi Village. Are we considerably conventional and conservative in that sense? Why are we eluding the basis that we are a cosmopolitan city thriving with night activities? The hush-hush attitude reeks nonchalance. And the biasness is ambiguous.

The penal code of engaging in oral sex in Singapore is classified under unnatural sex, thus making it a CRIME here in Singapore. How peculiar is that? Then what do one make of foreplay, which is not considered breaking the law? Or why is it a crime when one decides to walk around in his own home barenaked? It's absurd. If the TWO uncles were pinned for indecent exposure in public, why does Fiona Xie, Jeanette Aw and Felicia Chin get away with murder for running down Orchard Road in salacious bikinis? Are we rapt in criminalising people over trivial things?

Sex is factually never undermining our society's moral and cultured cachet . It is not deviant. Neither is it a despicable act. Sure, of course one cannot come out to public in the nude. Or toe the line in publishing porn materials. But we cannot punish to the only things what the eyes can see and turn a blind eye on the more nagging issues. For example; most massage parlours in Tanjong Pagar and Chinatown offers sexual services, teenagers in school uniforms sighted at playgrounds and HDB flat's staircase locking lips and engaging in moments of passion, phone chatlines and internet chatrooms bustling with sexual favours, the many local gay/lesbian websites where titillating photos of one's naked self are exchanged and displayed, etc. Where are the moderators, regulators and watchdogs pertinent to these issues then?

In summary, let us all not get too startled and hotly debate the next time a sizzling and raunchy video starring local celebrities surfaces on the net. Or that someone you recognize 'play horse' on that mass 'bluetooth' distributed files. Don't get too bothered when your neighbour starts dropping his clothes and walk around his house naked too. Let's embrace liberalism and shed away the inhibitive thinking. Let's cut the pretentious and veneered front that we are shy and circumspect. The Durex survey of Singaporeans not engaging in substantial sex is all bullshit.

The government bans oral sex. Don't tell me we are supposed to go straight for the vagina or make any other anal entry the moment clothes were dropped on the floor? Is this the ploy to urge more Singaporeans to be productive and salvage the dwindling conceiving rate? And soon we are not allowed to be clad in swimming trunks at the beach and the pool anymore? You tell me. I cannot be more confused than i already am.

Art Imitates Life

2009-03-04T16:20:00.005+08:00

Oh my. The presentation yesterday falls short of impressive. The theory elaboration was abruptly interrupted and i was hurried to proceed to my demo. I sang. But i did get to show some range. Nobody expected a song by Whitney Houston. I'm just loving the song! Baaa... Overall, i am not overtly contented because it was more of a touch and go process. All the lecturer wanted to extract was the essence on how you interact with the audience and a couple of visuals sufficed.

There were a plethora of talents on display yesterday (Read: Singing, Songwriting, Theatre Arts) and i bet to myself i have not exactly seen the worst of them all. The remaining 'finalists' will go on stage next week. I can only think of Titanic. A sinker, larrr. Now, the preparation for the sophomore presentation, for HMC class. The materials are still in the works and i want to complement for the lacklustre presentation yesterday. I hope for a smooth run. Like a lubricated entry while on anal intercourse. Oou, carnal talk. Haaaaaaaa.....

I don't quite understand this. I've caught a few episodes of Entertainment Tonight. And the follow-ups and intense coverage seems to be devoted to America's First Lady - Michelle Obama. Mind you. The news coverage is not on how she exercise her position as America's leading lady, but the pivotal focus is on by which designer she parades her gowns from, at the events she goes to daily. Dresses of hefty price tags, from renowned fashion designers. The worldwide economic downturn reverberates in all senses. And the high-flyers and lowly-paid are affected. It just exudes insensitivities, don't you agree?

Interesting. TWO Singaporeans were shortlisted for the World's Best Job In The World, as a caretaker on Hamilton Island, Australia. The paycheck is insane. All for a day job, entailing frolicking in the sun, sea and sand and reporting the adventures via blogs, photos and video diaries. How amazing is that? Speaking of being marooned on an island, my ultimate wish is to be on Survivor. I want to be able to withstand the deprivation of material things in life, go on a self-discovery process, getting embroiled in hypocrisy, manipulation and backstabbing, learn people's characters, ouwit the 'snakes', outplay the smart alecs and outlast the strongest competitors. I would drop everything in a second just to be a contestant. SERIOUS. Mark Burnett, call me for the next season - Survivor: Tekong. Survivor: Pulau Ubin or whatever.

And oh, America's Next Top Model Cycle 12 has premiered on American TV, every tuesday evenings. You may catch it via YouTube, when it is uploaded. Since the west and the east are a day apart, catch the show on thursdays evening (local time) online. I feel so gay watching ANTM. Such guilty pleasures. Till the next post. Later.

Running For My Life

2009-03-01T22:30:00.007+08:00

1st March. How time flies. In a few months, i will graduate with a Diploma in Mass Communications. I have been offered a place in Temasek Polytechnic to do Diploma in Police Studies, commencing late april. I don't know if i am able to juggle TWO courses of stark contrast. And commuting back and forth MDIS Campus and Temasek Polytechnic can be a doldrum affair.

I guess i cannot be perturbed by the idea of academic pursuits. Sure it's a whirlwind journey. But the focal point is to bask in as much knowledge and pick up invaluable experiences along the way. That's the way it is. No detours, no shortcuts. I am not trying to prove to anyone, or even my parents that i am a jack of all trades, and trying to practice a precarious balancing act, by committing to many engagements. I am here to prove to myself more. Pushing my limits, going beyond capabilities and going over boundaries. Life is too short to ebb it away with idling, galavanting and meandering. Do something for yourself.

Will you take my hand and we'll run for our dreams?

Artificial Intelligence

2009-02-28T00:38:00.007+08:00

Yo, squi-qui and bonchitas. WTF. Okay i made the words up. Just to placate myself. The impending TWO presentations are permeating into my mind. The thesis and theory part are some of the things that is registering in my head 24/7 and i can't shake them off without addressing it.

The probability of leisure moments over the weekend has crashed and burned. I need to sequester myself and fervently affix myself to the copious assignments that requisite my time and immediate attention. Everything's bits and pieces and i really wish i would complete something towards the end of the weekend. I want to muster enough dedication and not gravitate towards distractions. I am sure the phone will be ringing off the hook with friends alluring you with movie dates, lunch-outs, beach outings or perhaps late-night Mustafa Centre's window shopping and sinful supper treats.

The group had it's first official meeting a little while ago. As i had anticipated, an antagonistic individual posted some new suggestions for the presentation's segments in what i would call a subtle alteration, which is in fact oppressing my vision. I don't quite fancy people enroaching into my space and stifle my aptitude. But no cause for concern there. The bulk of them is consensus on the initial game plan. It's a challenge to prove your street cred, man.

On a casual note, i am waiting with bated breath for the trinity of superhero movies - X-Men Origins: Wolverine, The Legends of Chun-Li and Watchmen, to be screened at the cinema. I am a rabid comic book fan and i hope they could bring DC Comic's Justice League to the big screen soon. An another Mortal Kombat movie instalment would be spectacular too! I want to post a picture of my comic book characters figurines juxtaposed on a desk. I haven't got around buying a glass cabinet to house them. I just chucked them in a box and i swear it will be a son-of-a-bitch to meticulously reattach whatever that has detached. Most prolly are the limbs. Some of them had their heads popped out. Some have weapons like swords and guns gone missing. What do you make of that? I am a boy who loves his toys!

Ha...slightly off-tangent there. Oh, one more thing. I guess you would have caught the snippets of Channel 5's new drama series - Polo Boys? Someone dismissed it as male-whoring. I would have gone for the audition if not for the reason of not shedding my baby fats in time. It's refreshing to have us guys command airtime and flaunting our bodies for a change. In snug trunks at that. Running down Orchard Road in a bikini ala Fiona Xie and Felicia Chin or beach-volleying ala Joanne Peh and Jesseca Liu is so last season's mink coat. Just a request. Hey Eddee Ignatius, you've been in trunks-only competitions and shows one too many, man. Quit the media whoring! Boy, i need to go count sheeps, lambs and ponies now. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 10...ZZZZZZZZZZ...

Double-Edged Sword

2009-02-24T23:37:00.016+08:00

Brrr. Today's turn of events can be summed up as erratic. Some rude awakenings transpired in my TPSW class. I was hot and cold.

APPALLING
It was supposed to be what i had envisioned it to be. An individual presentation orbiting around the word - skills. The students are given the liberty to present a skill of choice and talk about literally anything under the tuesday's glistening crescented moon. But a presentation from a classmate takes the cake. And goes beyond ludicrous. For selecting BONDAGE(physically restrained, for sexual gratification) as his topic. There were silent gasps, disbelief and embarrasment the instant a picture of rope-entwined guy went on display. The lecturer quickly ushered him aside and questioned him on the audacious choice of topic. Clearly, it was unsettling and we were watching in aghast as the classmate proceeded to demonstrate the steps in tying someone up. It is hard to swallow. Because bondage is something uncommon, man. It's akin to talking about the forms of fetishes one partakes in to fulfill his perversed fantasy. It's okay to live out such fantasies but leave it behind closed bedroom door, dude. You've made me traumatised. I'm still a heartland HDB uncle.

I caught the premiere episode of Unexpected Access last sunday. Li-Lin, the show's host, had taken the viewers on a trip to a funeral parlour, where they granted a TV filming on how an embalming were done on a corpse. I was petrified. It was nauseating to watch the embalmer flushed out the poor dude's intestines, kidneys and some other organs. Then blood was pumped out before he proceeded to inject formaldehyde(i could get the spelling wrong) through the chap's veins, in order to preserve the body from decomposition state. Then the organs were dumped inside and he was stitched back. It was mortifying and an eye-opener. Thanks to the show, i get the chills each time the image did an inadvertent flashback. I wouldn't even fill Li-Lin shoes if i was asked to be the show's host. Not even for a cool $100,000.

Somebody perceived me to be gay. It was amusing. The midway semester through his SBS module apparently have not shed any findings on the mechanics of perception. I am not disclosing my sexual orientation because whoever and whatever people think that i may be, it is their prerogative. I mean it's hard to keep being an informant of who you really are to people. I just can't do shaping others' view to be in harmony of my own identity. So anyone can have any perennial concept of who and what Eddie is. I won't get offended. Call me lesbian if that floats your boat. Anyone? Whatever you say i am, you're still my good buddy, Eric. I really find you an asset in class and a formidable friend packed into that diminutive frame despite our ying and yang disparity. Tsk.

COMPELLING
Something caught my eye in the MRT, on the way to school. My heart skipped a beat when a Pan-Asian woman sat in front of me. I was besotted. She took my breath away. I swear i could die from intense heart palpitations. The closest kind of look that i can describe is TV actress - Deanna Yusoff. Damn striking good-looks(a mish-mash of asian and caucasian), aged around 30 to 35. That is my dream wife. And no, i wouldn't have any reservations in dating an older woman. I really toyed with idea of dropping her my number on a note. If not for the obese office woman vanquishing my fantasies when she blocked my view the moment she stepped in. BITCH.

I can't wait for my turn to present to the class. I have got this in the bag and some have promised to be an attentive audience. Some said they would be excited to see how well i would perform. It's going to be a throwdown and i think it will go exactly as planned. No jitters, no stage frights, no meltdowns. Just a BIG voice coming from a relatively reserved and introverted looking dude. Think Jennifer Hudson, gospel sounding. That's how i sing it. Set my stage. On fire.

Okay, this new song by Deborah Cox - Beautiful U R (Yinon Yahel Radio Mix), made my day. It's one blazing track and you should check it out on Youtube - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrilO1n86Ew. I discovered this exclusive song just yesterday. I've always digged Deborah Cox's remixes and this is a new favourite that will be played on loop, if not on repeat mode. Read the uplifting lyrics embellished to the song. Beautiful U R? Sure, i am beautiful. Because the mirror tells me so. Sweet.

Wet kisses for the night, honey tits!

Moodrings

2009-02-23T21:01:00.007+08:00

What a sullen weather. My day trip to the Marina Barrage with one of my besties, Iza, was hampered by the intermittent rainfall. But nothing was going to rain on my parade. We took to the roof of the barrage with our good old brollies in hand, and happily took snapshots. I swear we could have have been struck by lightning whilst in the drizzle.

There are several viewing spots that are obscure and territorial. I suggest if any of you are going to have a quickie and are looking for the perfect spot to savor public sex, the Roof Garden would be it. Man, i think i'm gonna bring my date there on my next visit and do outdoor frolickings. Where else in this paltry nation can you have sex while basking in the landscape of Marina Bay? Paying for top-seed hotels with a view in the city district would be farcical.

Have you been to Popeye's Chicken & Biscuit fast-food restaurant yet? The killer calorific fried chicken left me smittened and my palate has always been insatiable when it comes to fried chicken. I could eat Popeye's food for breakfast, lunch and dinner and will never tire of devouring it. You need to understand that chickens are my sole source of meat intake as i don't take red meat(beef, muttons, lambs and anything that stands on FOUR legs) and most type of fishes. I would be a full vegetarian if i could, if lack of protein intake don't make wear me out easily.

I have and hate to write something for my forthcoming presentation. Then i will break out into a song delivery. But how can i correlate the two without resorting to a monotonous read off the dissertation? Would anyone be gracious enough to borrow me their ears while i read my points from the powerpoints? I have to stir my brain's juice and imbue something significant. I know nobody wants to hear the techniques of singing. Remember me ONLY for the singing part, yeah?

I just want you to know i am in a prolonged state of mulling, and hundreds of issues are infringing my cognitive disposition. But you know i am a misadventure survivor. I always come out unscathed. I hope i will still have a tint of bravado left in me to challenge this current melancholia. Donate smiles at me when you cut across my path, people. Geeez.

Pool Party

2009-02-21T22:33:00.007+08:00

When the weather gets too hot to bear, the next best thing is to strip to your trunks and soak in the giant jacuzzi!

''Excess chlorine will turn you into a...err, mutant?''

''Now i am moisturised, blaaa...''

''Shower Time!''

Favourite Things

2009-02-21T10:11:00.014+08:00

Popular. A TV dramedy about high school students who segregate themselves in distinguished groups - the glamazon(the jocks, the glamourous, bitchy, popular & pageantry blondes) and the wannabes(the virginal adoloscents, the ultra geeks, the fat bastard, the weirdos & the outcasts). The show's must-watch thespian is Nicole, the resident evil bitch, who torments the lower caste of school students mercilessly and craftily. Plus the clever dialogues never fails to draw me in. It is a truly fabulous show but it got axed after TWO seasons. WTF.

One of the most underrated TV actor - Adam Chen. The definitive chinese hunk of Singapore. He's one of the local actors i give credits to for consistently staying under the radar and pave the way for the likes of Elvin Ng, Julian Hee, Andie Chen & Qi Yuwu to whore themselves constantly in newspapers and magazines. I like Thomas Ong too but he's too legendary for my hip blog. I put up Adam's picture because i'm not shy to profess my admiration for this dude. Anyway this picture is from Singapore Men's Workout. Hot looks + Hot bod = Hot Stuff.

Fuel my fantasy, girls. These smokin' Victoria's Secret runway strutters appeared on last September's issue of Gentlemen's Quarterly, or GQ magazine. I love a good photography and this is one of my favourite coverpage. My pick would be Alessandra Ambrosio. Then again, i do all of them, all night long, man.

One of 2007's masterpiece, Mya - Liberation, which unfortunately wasn't released in Asia. Do check out the album when you can. There are several gems in this album. I would really like to get this album soon - if i can figure out how to do online purchases. Perhaps any gracious souls could get it for me? That doesn't include you, TWO of my stupid and bimbotic SIA steward friends(who couldn't even find HMV or Tower Records while on overseas flights).

The first car, a 2007 Suzuki Swift, that i bought 3 months after i obtained my driver's licence. I was none the wiser then and when it first hit the market, i was one of the first few to get this automobile. Little did i know, i would see a vast number of Swifts on our roads today. It made me exercise a thousand muscles on my face everytime a Swift whizzed past. I am going to change to a Mazda 2, a hatchback i think, or get that Toyota Picnic MPV. So i can stuff and chuck in my girlfriend, wife, scandals, bastard children, mom, dad, mother-in-law, mother goose, motherfcukas...

Point Of No Return

2009-02-19T01:00:00.015+08:00

''I'm game for nudity''

I've had friends pasting comments on my Facebook and some other networking sites, dropping sms and bombarding me with a flurry of calls - citing 'STOP STRIPPING, EDDIE! WHAT'S WITH THE SKIN EXHIBITION?'

Don't feed your perception that i am going down brazen. It's the feeling of liberation and not being insecure in your own skin. I've tipped the scales before. I've been bogged down by extra weight prior to my NS. Now i am healthier, and i haven't looked back since. It really isn't beautiful to tilt on the heavy side.

At this stage of my life, where i have a brimful of self-esteem, i would not hesitate to give an emphatic yes if some photographer wants to pay me to do nude photography. Of course it's gotta be done artistically and tastefully. Waaa...But let me work out and get in flawless shape first can?...Shit. My family better not read this.

Anyway, i have decided to sing for my TPSW presentation. I'll be sermon-ing the techniques and style of singing, the range and octaves, the do's & don'ts, breathing techniques, and but of course, a demo, or rather the deliverance of a song piece that i will do, acapella-gospel style. My head is swamped with thousands of songs. I haven't picked a suitable one where i can display my range. I'll take care of that later. However, the theory part is befuddling. I have to launch into a research pretty soon. The singing lessons that i've mastered previously has somewhat eroded from memory.

An amusing article that i read in The Straits Times yesterday. It went something like a guy dove into the Singapore River to rescue a woman who was apparently trying to commit suicide over a broken relationship. Both were thankfully fine. But get this - The guy is aghast that he has to foot the hospital bill for treatment after he had suffered some injuries to his feet while trying to rescue the woman. The nerve of him to complain to the media. The newspaper report hailed him a hero, likewise for SCDF, who will commemorate him for his public-spiritedness. I agree. But why the need to bemoan on the fees? You want to be remembered as the reluctant hero? Haiz...

Oh, i need to holler at a certain woman named 'TINAH'. An ex-colleague of mine. Bitch, i hate you. I hate your fcuking face. You are the lowest grade of a rotten China apple. Your makeup looked like a blind painter did his craft on your face. Your attitude sucked more than a gay actor sucking on another actor's dick. People from Boon Lay to Simei are all lining up to pelt rocks and wintermelons on your head. You dog. You should audition for a part in The Hills Have Eyes 3. Make-up for genetically-deformed villians not needed for you. Or LIVE IN some parts of India. Where men splash acids on their wives so they'll look ugly and not stray. Wait, you SHOULDN'T LIVE because you're ugly. Bitch. If i see you the next time and you give me THAT 20 cents look, i swear i will kick your C.B so that you'll never have any hideous children to bear. Get out of my face, wretch. I hope you tripped on a dog shit and lapsed into a coma. Or choke and die while eating Mee Siam. Whatever.