The Definitive Notebook: March 2010

If you haven't read about the news on the altercation that ensued between a disorderly drunk passenger and an SIA cabin crew, i believed you have been in a coma throughout after being stylishly hit and ran over by a certain Diplomat who spun wonderous incredible tales from the crypt, more rivetting than Alice getting lost in wonderland.

Alice, who is cross-eyed and had the looks of a three week old lotus pau, had a peculiar encounter with director Jack, who wanted her to be part of Mediacorp's Seven Princesses. Because Fiona(Xie), had left for ogreland happily never after. No, wait. Alice met the mad hatter. Wrong story. Another time perhaps.

Back to the dramatic showdown transpired thousands of feet in the air, fellow passengers were treated to a spectacular display of a bitch fight - Fangs, horns, claws and tiaras out. And you thought male cabin crew are campy and all gay. No pun intended. So the misdemeanor was slapped with a jail term. And little is known of the fate of the cabin crew. Crowned another tiara for advocating world peace perhaps? Ris Low will be so jealous she will start to retake her 'O' Level, try to get a D7 in english and apply for Miss Pet 2010.

I must say this out. Electronic retailers must never sell digital cameras to ugly people. In this Facebook age and what have you, i have been agonized by daily postings of people who uploaded photos of events or themselves, slap on incredulously self-flattering captions of themselves and believed they looked like members of the Korean girl band with the annihilation anthem - Nobody. Don't we all cringe when friends with kesian faces claimed themselves to be hot and that people are looking their way?

I really want to inform them of the 70% sale IKEA is having on wall mirrors. But i don't think i could because they were all sold out. It cracks every morning in the homes of some Suria actresses. People who look like keloids don't need mirrors. They need prayers. While i am at it, i get all bothered when the Hey Good-Looking column in The Straits Times Urban section featured confusing bimbos with brains the size of a pistachio. Their quote usually reads - I THINK I AM AVERAGE-LOOKING. I RATE MYSELF 7.5 TO 8 OVER 10. Honey, mathematics will tell you a FIVE is average. Have you left your brains at the kopitiam during lunch?

Anyways, ONLY beautiful, pretty people can take photos, can???

I was at East Coast Park McDonald's last month and i was taken aback by the service of a China National counter girl. I was perplexed when in a bo-chap tone, she asked me to come back in 10 minutes to get my fries because they are busy. What next? You want me to go over the kitchen and fry my six piece nuggets myself? Or do you want me to go to the blender, put in the cookies and make my own oreo ice-cream? You B****.

It irks me when people question my character and attack my personal beliefs and opinions. In a classy defiant act, i don't bother to retaliate or explain myself of my acerbic wit and eccentric persona. I subscribe to freedom of speech, and while i may be anti-conformist, i expose myself of who and what i am, without semblance of hypocrisy or curbing my thoughts just because it is not socially acceptable to do so. I say what i need to and i make no apologies for it.

Wouldn't i be fake if i sugarcoat my words and views? When people ask for your honest opinions, you don't tell them what they want to hear. You tell them what they should hear. If they find it derogatory, sorry but i never cared. Constructive criticism is essential, you know. I may be slammed and be labelled a bitch. But really, life is a bitch. You don't need a bitch to tell you that.

On an end note, i am extremely proud of myself in shedding excess weight off my body. I am pleased with how i look now. It is a far cry from five months ago, when i was plus 20kg heavier. The no-rice, white meat only, one meal a day diet proved to be truly effective. Also factor in my 2hour runs every day and a whole lotta self-reflection moments whenever i stumbled on pictures of fit guys with perfect bods. Then again, you just want to be a part of the hot guys society, la. Haa...

Holler to my fresh camp of deadly alliances - Parmesh, Lydia, Nora, Brigid, Faizal, Fafa...Thanks for dropping by in my life and making it a much colourful one to live in. You guys are wicked and a crazy bunch. :)))

I am almost ready to get over you. Give me just a little bit more time. Thank you for making me who i am today. You made me prove to you i can change myself just like how easy you'd changed your feelings for me. And definitely, an experience with you becomes my valuable education. God Bless. Take care and have a wonderful birthday later this month.