Hustle to the back of the line. I am never gone.I am invigorated. Essences of life has streamlined back into my veins. It is almost being resurrected and being brought back to life. Well truth is, i took a premeditated hiatus. Renouncing my existance thus taking a self-impose exile trip just to meander away whilst fathoming my true intent and purpose in life. I couldn't discover it in time. Now i am back on my own turf. Take a step back. Because i have returned. Let's get the blog rolling...
It hasn't exactly been a rosy road into 2011. A series of unfortunate events besieged me. One of which being the loss of my Iphone. It was stolen rather. Imagine how incredulous i had felt then. It is my first foray into negligence and i have never lost anything of colossal value. I was perturbed by the fact that it contained the multitude number of personal contacts, photos and videos, and perhaps my text messages between friends, at the risk of being explicitly shared with the perpetrator. Yes, i admit i have photos that smells of libertine proportions. Nude pics of Eddie Yusoff circulating in cyberrealm anyone?
I am praying and hoping the son-of-a-bitch gets apprehended soon enough. I am not anticipating the recovery of my Iphone, but should he gets the full brunt of the law, i would certainly want to press charges for theft. And to compensate me for the grief i have suffered. Just you wait.
I am beset with ideas and slew of ramblings that i have kept pent up since the last entry. I am determined to be vocal and if my journal emit semblances of tirade and indiscriminate remarks, who says i am going to be sorry for bearing the rights to my opinion and thoughts?
I covet for a hatelist. I want to persecute objects and people who infringe my beliefs and
ideas of how things should be viewed. I have ingested enough displeasurable fragments of idiosyncrasies of people, to compel me to rant like a preposterous bastard. While we are at it, let's do a Top 30 list of Resentment Theory, the reinstatement of gritty bitch fits.
1. What is so OH-MY-FCUKING-GOD about Jill Marie-Thomas who won channel 5's OMG? She's truly OMG meh? The only OMG that flashes across my unsuspecting brain is how severely untalented she is. Period. I am still traumatised by her singing at the Floating Platform during the New Year's celebration.
2. I can just die when clubs play anthems by Bieber, Rihanna, Gaga, Akon, Kingston, Kesha, Perry & the works. You should see how terribly excited the minahreps and matreps were. So excited like they've just got a C6 for Mother Tongue at the N Levels. Or in sheer ecstasy like they thought the last episode of Totally Spies on okto was superb and rivetting.
3. Closeted local male tv personalities refuting claims of them being gay is so fcuked up. You're spotted you bitch. I can see through your maybelline foundation. You denying facts is like believing Singapore will flourish in the Olympics. Or winning Miss World/Universe pageants.
4. It's super-annoying when a family boards the mrt with several children in tow, then expect other commuters to be gracious to accomodate a seat to each one of them? Wah lau! My problem issit that you don't practice birth control? We pay to stand uh?
5. I cannot tahan people who eat Keropoks or cut their fingernails or couple locking lips in the bus. Plus, can you imagine, a chinese lady was eating peanuts from a packet and suka-suka threw its shells on the floor of the bus the other day! Ah soh uh, you think this is a funeral wake in Ghim Moh?
6. To the friendly bakery aunty, no pork no lard does not mean it's halal can? I am not going to buy your ham with floss bun.
7. Can local radio seriously stop playing Mariah Carey songs even just for a day? I hear it everytime when i was in the office so much that my reason of resignation reads: Mariahtillitis syndrome.
8. I don't like Justin Bieber. He is a confused white girl. And Miley Cyrus is irritating. She is a confused white girl. They both CANNOT sing.
9. Facebook games/applications are super annoying. Please don't ask me to play along in your silly Cityville or Farmville games. I have no time to send you a cow, corn or chicken. Don't send me your requests for hugs and kisses too bitch!!!
10. What is it with people who adds you in Facebook, then weeks later blatantly remove you from their friends' list? What is wrong with you, bitch? Relax la, i ignored you 'cos i don't see myself going out with you. You want me to vomit while having dinner with you?
11. Students in school uniforms engaging in embraces at the void deck is a major turn-off. Can you imagine? The boy will go ''Oh baby, i love the smell of your bata shoes. Your Disney-print bra is so sexy. I think your knee-length skirt is giving me an orgasm.'' Girl: ''Oh baby, i love your scrawny iron-board body. Can we trade our Pokemon cards already? Also, i love your Ben 10 schoolbag, b.''
12. Channel 5 showing Harry Potter movie series 976 times per year.
13. Why is it some women still brush their handbags back and forth for like 600 times just to get their ezlink cards detected at the scanner when alighting from the bus? Next time i see you do that, i will just kick you from the back. I don't have the whole of Tuesday morning to watch your circus act, you clown.
14. I don't like the Seziri Sezali and Sylvia Ratonel combo. What is this? A KFC buddy package meal? Why is it for every shows they will always be featured alongside each other? Got discount meh?
15. Boys who dresses/wants to be like girls on the pretext of being members of an androgynous vogue dance outfit will only read DAYLIGHT TRANNIES. What different are you from the streetwalkers when dusk sets in?
16. I still get this, after trying to reached for someone over their mobile - ''Them: hey you called?''. WTF. No i didn't call. I was possessed by the ghost of Emily Rose and calling you was undeliberate. Oh my what has gotten into me. Yeah right. You idiot.
17. At a local bubble tea shop, i was psychologically scarred when a China lady replies me - ''You want green apper green tee with perr?'' When i had to repeat what i wanted, she switches to mandarin with much dismay. Eh? Now i have to learn to speak mandarin? I just want to use the bubble tea straw, dip into my bubble tea, inhale the starchy ball pearls and spit the balls at her Sichuan face. Irritates!
18. I don't understand why women Indian expats would go jogging in glittery punjabi suits at the running tracks. What is this? An MTV for 'Khabi Khushi, Letchumi Here i Come?' Your gold designer sari is beautifully fluttering in my face goddammit.
19. Why am i still getting flyers and brochures despite having the latch in my letter box set to lock? Singpost, i am going to man-punch your postman! You think i am a slut that you can anyhow insert into my hole?
20. A certain former political figure across the causeway with his incessant Singapore bashing is so 2005. You and your 15 minutes of fame. Get over it la, agong. Nine more years to Wawasan 2020 and you still have kampungs. Aiyoh.
21. I cannot stand anything made from China. Even if they are the first to create human clones.
22. I should make a mention about this to certain aspiring singer-wannabe friends. BEING AN ELIMINATED CONTESTANT IN A REALITY TV SINGING SHOW DOES NOT MAKE YOU A CELEBRITY. GET THIS IN YOUR HEAD YOU MORONIC DEMON.
23. I DON'T WANT a DVD player, GPS system, New Moon abalone, car vacuum equipment, hair dryer, portable dildo, botox filler set, sewing machine, queen-size bed, kitchen knives, samurai swords or fire-starter kits when i am buying petrol la AUNTIE!!! Stop asking me can? Just give me my green tea and my receipts or i set your Maggie Cheung perms on fire.
24. I hate pressing the lift buttons for ungrateful motherfcukers. Do i look like your friendly lift attendant from St. Regis? Where is your humanity?
25. China women hairstylists at the saloon CANNOT UNDERSTAND 'DON'T CUT MY SIDEBURNS'. Please bring along a recorder with mandarin translation, a braille book on hair styles, a bible, talisman, potions, rose water, garlics, voodoo dolls and every other exorcism materials. Like what possessed you to cut my sideburns so short like i got my haircut for free at Changi Prison?
26. The world will not end in 2012. Shut the fcuk up.
27. Getting stopped at road blocks and being subjected to vehicle and identification checks is NO fun. What have i got in my Suzuki Swift, Sir? 28 Myanmarese illegal immigrants or 52 Bangladeshi men stuffed in my bonnet that i've just brought home after a night out at Deskar? Or maybe you are checking me out 'cos i look like a pai kia from Toa Payoh? Eh, gangsters wear NUM t-shirt and shorts meh? Have i just came back from a gay rioting where a slutty gay boy died from razor-sharp fingernails and stab wounds by an Anna Sui eye-pencil?
28. Why do mother nature wreak havoc and natural disasters at the SIA walk-in interview at Suntec City recently? Seriously, a dude was spotted wearing green loose polo tees, while another was spotted wearing a vest and a fedora hat. THIS IS NOT A SINGAPORE IDOL AUDITIONS la, monyet. In case you cannot remember, we have already crowned a winner - Sylvia Ratonel. Wait, it's Sezairi. Aiyah same la. READ NO. 14. Now step out and walk towards the 2nd floor where the gadgets conventions are, you bloody geek.
29. Suicidal/Depressed/Lovelorn/Love-Dejected friends in Facebook who posts sorrowful and heartbreaking posts are super annoying. You are infiltrating my home wall with your stolen and borrowed 1986 song lyrics chorus line by Debbie Gibson or something. Need i remind you why your bf/gf/grandma/mistress left you, you psychotic moron?
30. Fat people CANNOT wear v-neck tees. What am i? A contestant in a TV game show playing spot where your neck is? Let the lumps of blobs breathe under the cotton buddy. You look like an Asian-made condom made for caucasian d**ks.
