Bad Fiction

Hola.

This is prolly the longest sabbatical that i've taken. I can't help it i guess. It's the first month of the year and things needs to run in order. But so far so good. Everything is going at clockwork pace and finally, i am able to breathe easy.

This week was somewhat gruelling. I had attended a TWO-day workshop on life in general. Suffice to say, it was a breakthrough for some participants. It entails exorcising one's demon, clearing out our closets, hanging our dirty laundry, obliterating emotional baggages, engaging in confessional sessions and regaining faith in oneself.

In retrospect, i would deduce it to be a soul-searching session - where removing boundries, reaching for the sky and becoming a fighter in the face of adverseries and challenges. The one lesson that i have taken from the experience is indefinitely the part of learning from falling. I am unable to share whatever that has transpired in the seminar room because it is unethical to exploit people and their weaknessess.

But one thing i can say is it has been a rude awakening. Everyone has undergone a certain stage of trauma perhaps at least once in their lives and i salute these brave souls for coming forth and acknowledging their harrowing past and resoluting to resolve malignant issues - in tears, humility and pride being compromised.

I am the eternal optimist. Well most of the time. If you had read my blog, you would know how in weakness i found strength, my unwavering belief in how things happen for a reason, why i fervently believe in every experience is an education and a slew of motivational phrases to see me through my life. I wish for the light to shine in your hearts, guys. I feel blessed to be acquainted with every single one of you.

Well, for the uninformed, i am in the midst of undergoing several rounds of interviews with a certain airline, to be a cabin crew. I have braved and escape unscathed the last THREE rounds already and the day of reckoning is looming. The workshop, which we were put through was reportedly to be the FOURTH interview where assessment would be made to filter the potential ones from the ill-calibred.

For the first time in my life i am besieged by agnostic feeling. I am earnest in scoring the job as this is prolly the one job that i have heavily-invested in. As in undergoing the several rounds of interviews, the incredulous amount of time and money involved, the preparations and consistent personal grooming and also the need to exercise intelligence and impress our potential employer at our best ability.

I believe i have dispayed my tenacity, competency, consistency and confidence throughout. But on the other hand, this is one industry where everyone tends to be cuthroat and would go to extremes in snagging the job. But should i get the boot for the final cut, i won't be dejected. I mean out of how many hundreds and maybe thousands that came for the interview, i am part of the elite few that remains.

We are in the dark of the results and from the grapevine, all of us are the chosen ones. We need no bad fiction. We want cold hard facts. So drop the bomb on us. We want to touch the sky. Plus, it would be awesome to have my profession read - Flight Attendant. :)))

Can't disclose much for now. Comeback for seconds soon.

The Greatest Life

Welcome to the turn of a brand new decade.

I am compeled to reinvent and refurbish my blog's layout, furnish it with robust colours and more. However, i resolute not to because i am unable to churn creative essences at the moment. Ha.

I have not written a note of resolutions this time around. It is overstated anyway. The only thing new is the year, but most people remain true to who and what they are without any semblance of change or self-realisation. Instead of fervently collecting potential aspirations in my head, i want to look back and reflect the last decade and how well i have utilised my time while living through it.

If there is a greatest hits album to document the trails of it, its tracklist would be something like this :

2000 - The year i undertook my GCE 'O' Level, in secondary Five. This is possibly one of the most integral year of my life because of the major exam and how i have left behind my teenage years behind along with the whimsical scribbles on the classroom's desk of mine and the beginning of the transition from boy to man.

Oh how i have imbued a part of me - writing history in Springfield Secondary by being the Talentime's Millenium Champion. I have left behind some talents and 'footprints' at the walkway of the door. The win is especially a grandeur moment because year 2000 was the swansong for my school in organizing the singing competition. Needless to say, i had made a name for myself by being the last champion before the scrapped of the event.

2001 - The lowest point of my life has this year to thank. When i failed to pass through an audition round for my enrolment to LaSalle's Theatre Studies course and having SIM withdrawing its Diploma in English Studies course because of lack of students enrolment, i turned to hiatus and led a life of monotony by simply taking the year off to gather my act together.

The one other damage it has done is to render me overweight and have a lackadaisical approach to a healthy lifestyle. I bucked up and was fortunately able to furiously shed the flabs upon realizing the distinguished NS enlistment letter would come by any moment and that i would need to adopt fitness in order to withstand the harsh environment of military life.

2002 - I was called up to serve my National Service with the Singapore Armed Forces. It was an amalgamation of fear, anticipation, excitement and frustration on how the whole tenure is going to metamorph me, be it for the betterment or otherwise. But, I came out of it a fighter and i have forged everlasting brotherhood with fellow soldiers right up till today.

I have learned so much from the SAF and i am 100% in support of National Service being made mandatory for able-bodied young men of this Lion City. It has played its role in shaping who i am today. Salute.

2003 - Still in first year of military life. Nothing significant transpired apart from the routine balls-carrying and boot-licking of officers and snooty rank-cazy sergeants in trade for off days and pleasant treatment, the silent misery and agonizing countdown until the end of National Service, the relentless bouts of performances for the festive and unit celebrations all year round...It's nothing contradictory. While it can be gruelling at times, overall everything has been eventful.

My very first exposure with the campy gay & transgender community comes from the flamboyant characters existing in my army unit. It truly opened my eyes and made me realized how people of the third, fourth & fifth kind can co-exist in our society without being discriminated against and looked at with degenerative standpoint.

2004 - The year of ORD. I prolly did so many things for this one whole year soon after i got released from active duties in SAF. It means to be an NS Man, for the uninitiated.

I had landed a job with the Singapore Police Force four months after ORD. This was also the year i partake in the inaugural season of Singapore Idol. Didn't get very far, and was pragmatic about participating, lest my audition clip would be made a national farce. But i persevered and camped out outside Suntec City, among thousands. The singular reason for me in having the bravado to audition would be the niggling thoughts inhabiting - on how i would look back in regret later in my life, lamenting on the things i didn't do then. It was the experience that i get to keep. Nevermind i couldn't get far in the competition.

2005 - As i have a penchant for media-related things, i applied to study in MDIS, for its Diploma in Mass Communications. I earnestly urge those who are keen to study media to pursue Mass Comm studies. Because Mass Comm itself has branches of sub-field of studies. For instance - Journalism, Marketing, Advertising, Social Behavioural, TV & Radio Production...You can always find your niche in any of these modules and further enhance your specialization of chosen field in the future. The other TWO reasons why i picked MDIS would be its affiliation with Singapore Airlines and Mediacorp. And that it being the second biggest private school in Singapore.

2006 - It was a tumultuous year. My dearest aunt succumbed to cancer and the whole family was devastated. It was especially hard on me to accept as i had lost a guardian who had raised me for the most part of my life. I refuse to wallow now because i figure it is true what they say about earth may have lost a soul but heaven has gained an angel.

The other key event prior to my aunt's demise would be my birthday party, organized at a grand scale. Think drag performers, literal transformation of a chalet into a club setting - complete with smoke machine, strobe and disco lights, radical sound systems and a king's feast of buffet.

2007 - The year was quite substantial because i obtained my driver's licence after a few attempts and in a span of four months, purchased my first and very own four-wheelers.

Apart from the couple of holidays (KL, Bangkok) and cruise getaways organized by my division's cohesion activities, nothing much happened during the year. Not that i can remember any.

2008 - The year i resigned from the Singapore Police Force, after FOUR years of service.

It was a pretty solid year too, partly due to my birthday - 20th August - 2008, which was in tangent with the year 2008. Which means then the date was 2008/2008.

2009 - I honestly don't know what to make of the year. It was nowhere insipid, But it wasn't that happening too. It was fraught with such delectable, twisted and warped turn of events. The world economic downturn has somewhat played a consequential role in my life - by rendering misfortunes in my job search.

An extra-ordinary brand of love found me after a short respite from previous relationships. It was beautiful, nothing i have ever felt before. But all clouds of fantasies broke, when my partner walked out on me after a few trying months, leaving me heartbroken right till this very moment. I mourn for thee and will always keep these spectacular moments in my heart. How i wished for thee to comeback and call me love once more.

I had come to a point in life during the year that i have fully grown up, capable of making decisions, determined to make good of life, think beyond logic and reason, being comfortable of who i really am, emerging as an intrepid human being, accepting my flaws and in the process, discovering my strengths.

On a fluttery note, i had graduated from MDIS with my Diploma, qualified myself to study in Temasek Polytechnic and i was blessed to be given a buddy companion - for the numerous times i had mentioned his name - read previous posts, will you?

I lost some weight because of your motivation. Hee...

For the beginning of a brand new year, i have not drawn any resolutions. I prolly won't for the this year, as i would want to witness events unfold before my eyes. Indeed i am conscientious on what i want in life. But there are still dreams i have yet to fulfil. And until i have gotten the dreams of yesterday out of the way, perhaps then i would be able to catch the light & hope of the fantabulous new year.

They say, if you don't remove the baggage in your heart and mind, then obviously there won't be any more free space to hoard new things. Just in case i forget, here is my lifelong list of things i want to achieve, yet again : -

1) Complete my Diploma in Police Studies 2) Get featured in The Sunday Times Hot Bod Series (Wee!) 3) Perfect overseas getaways with my buddy/friends 4) Take part in TV's reality programs 5) Find & fall in love, & maybe get married and have children and the works 6) Achieve a desirable tanned, lean and toned swimmer's body 7) Upgrade to an MPV car - a Kia Carens possibly 8) Get employed in a dream job that pays well 9) Obtain a master's by the time i hit 35 10) Be somebody and have the ability to inspire & touch lives.

Cheers to 2010.