The Voice Within

Listen...
Listen, I am alone at the crossroads,
I'm not at home in my own home,
And I tried & tried
To say what's on my mind
You should have known

Oh...
Now I'm done believing you,
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what,
You made of me,
I followed the voice you think you gave to me

But now I gotta find... My own...
My own...

- Excerpt from Beyonce's Listen -

Remember this song that I always used to sing? How ironic these words resonates in me more than anything. Then, your voice has been my guide and eyes. I was blinded indeed. I followed every single words you told me. Until I don't listen to myself anymore. Now, I have found my own voice.

You should have listened.

You fcuked me the day I needed you the most. For this, I will not forgive you for the rest of my life. - Eddee Aw

Weekend Sexcapades

YOU MAKE ME FEEL BRAND NEW.

A Blind Faith

This could jolly well be the perfect opportunity for me to contribute the going-ons in my life, albeit in a nutshell. Well, the first half of 2011 has been one frenzy ride. It's been nothing but impetus at best, disallowing me the chance to engross myself on the moving and still landscape around me. Life moves forward at an unprecedented velocity.

I have just got out of a fairytale-land type of relationship. Something that I thought to be one almost perfect coupling, in the end became exactly what it is, a beautiful dream being demented and broken by the glaring gleam of morning sunrise.

I am compelled to contribute the woebegones of my failed relatonship. But somehow, there is only so much words can express - nothing brings back the past like what it used to be. I want to use my blog as a platform to communicate the pent up emotions pertinent to my partner, and having the unimpeded prerogative to be vocal towards whatever that has transpired or what my partner has done to our relationship.

The relationship may have lasted all of THREE months, but we have utilised these pivotal months to fully comprehend the characteristics and imperfections of one another. I moved in with the partner - whom I shall label, Aw, expeditiously days into our relationship. It was something like being caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. I took the plunge and practised blind faith because there was no doubt in my heart and mind, that Aw could just be that someone I could grow old and die with. It was like my life was coming full circle.

The number of days we were together wasn't really a valuable digit to begin with. It was more on the quality of the relationship that rendered me so much invaluable life & love lessons. You should really try to live with your partner and never leaving his/her side even for a day to understand me. There are always new things to discover about each other. There were the struggles that we faced, happiness we'd shared, storms that we went through - in retrospect, the beautiful and ugly faces of being involved in a relationship.

Aw is really a wonderful soul. I grew quickly in the span of three months than i prolly ever will in a year. I was taught the very real situation of being independent, learning to be self-sufficient, understanding another human being at a close proximity, experiencing the 'married' life, how to be selfless and to think for two, and that whatever course of action I may take, I have to remember I have a partner to think of, provide, and live for. I am truly glad for this encounter. But God thinks it's enough experience for me to assimilate into my life, hence Him pulling me out of this altogether.

The only discontent and question that will prolonged its residency in my mind will be how people can change at a drop of a hat. Aw had professed so much love for me, the vows of being together forever and the promise of a fruitful relationship. What do you make of these play on words which does not mean anything when couples break up? Where were the golden whispers and emotions deluge for the one they used to love? Does that mean it was just words of the moment, that has no valid content now that we've seperated?

Aw may have left me, but that does not mean I have to cease loving him too. Because I stand my ground and I am king of my words. My promise still stands pre or post relationship. I am only baffled at how people can change and still have the temerity to begin to hate someone he used to worship, when they were very much in love back then.

Honestly, there is only so much pleading I can do. I've tried to knock Aw back into reality and understand the magnitude of his decision. He claimed this is to seek happiness in the breakup. Our arguements intensified one month into the relaionship. I keep getting the brunt of his ire. I swallowed my pride and present him the liberty to launch tirades on me. I honestly don't know why he flips every time. I was told by my close friends that sometimes, when someone nags at you, that's because he wants you to change and to grow & learn from your mistakes. But I have this nagging suspicion that this could not be the case. Aw was just getting sick of me. Hence whatever things I do became an issue, and that to him warrants a steely reprimand.

I knew Aw had the reputation of being a perfectionist. I lament on his stubborness, defiance and a heavy dosage of ego - one that is never humble to say sorry, even when wrong. In a way of resolving things quickly before it escalates into a giant fireball, it was I who swallowed my pride and apologised even when I did not start the whole spectacle. It is pitiful when your partner cannot co-exist with your imperfections. There is no such thing as a perfect human being, 'cos beings like that exists only in heaven. I have really tried my utmost to adapt to his lifestyle, needs and wants. I had to neglect friends, family and my own life that I used to lead, just to be attuned to his ways. If i am able to sacrifice myself, I don't see why Aw could not accept me the way I am. Sure I have my idiosyncrasies. Habits that never dies and rituals that i probably could not change. Truly unfortunate Aw cannot be in harmony of my own brand of living.

Aw could be wasting his lifetime searching for that perfect being, which probably will never exist, one that even Prophets, are NOT.

It is a no-brainer. When someone loves you, imperfections are perfect in his eyes and he is willing to live side by side with them. Plus, he will never want to let you go, even after arguing with you consistently. We broke up cos Aw thinks it is stressful to be arguing everytime and that it is detrimental to his life. I can only add that it is ludicrous to even be thinking such. Married couples quarrel most of the time. Does that mean most marriages will breakup regularly just because couples cannot take the arguements with a pinch of salt? Wouldn't there be an influx of divorce rates if people were to behave that way?

Are arguements not a positive entity in any relationships? That's when lovers understand each other better, respective likes and dislikes, habits and behaviours, and a slew of defining moments. Someone chipped in with this morsel of advice - 'If there is no arguements in a relationship, then there is really something wrong with it. How are couples going to know what the other is feeling when everything is all impeccable?'. How truth bites.

I am only mourning on the sweetest moments shared between Aw and myself - one that we will prolly never get to experience again. Things have changed. He wants to move on and obliterate me from the shelves of his memory. I don't have the will to move him anymore. Or jolt him from his incongrous decision, which causes more damage than good. I have begged to be asked to taken back. I've talked insurmountable senses into him. Somehow, I stopped and calmly impart some advice to myself. Would you want a love based on conditional terms? Even if he does accept me back, it will be because of the one chance that if I ever screw up again, he has the rights to take it back. Do I want to be perpetually living in trepidation of walking on eggshells? Maybe a minefield best describes it. One wrong move and a wipeout beckons.

I am no longer miserable or bemoaning the tragedy of this fatal relationship. I will not claim responsibility for the breakup. It is not me. I have been faithful, loyal, kind, endearing, caring and deserving throughout the course of our union. It is him who has to stand trial. He needs to be counselled that he cannot keep breaking up with people just because they cannot be perfect in his eyes. If people do and try to change completely as told, then they would be hypocrites themselves, 'cos then they will be something and somebody they are not, just to fulfill the unreasonable expectations of their partners. I would hate to change just because someone wants me to.

I don't bear grudges against Aw, neither will I resent him. Afterall, he is claiming that he is susceptible to stress. Stress that will affect his life greatly if taken immensely of it. Stress which can render him irrational and exercise certain degree of repulsion to his partner, whom he thought to be the cause of it. Stress that he attributes to his age. Anger does not come with age my dear, it comes with the lack of control and perennial discontent with what life doesn't provide you with. You just need to be counting your blessings and be grateful to what's presented before you.

Somehow, I will be an ardent believer of this quote: -

''When God takes away something good, that's because He wants you to receive something better.''

Take care of yourself, Dear Aw. If fate has scribed that we are meant to be together, we will end up together at the end of the day.

You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me

A Cerebral Conundrum

Hustle to the back of the line. I am never gone.

I am invigorated. Essences of life has streamlined back into my veins. It is almost being resurrected and being brought back to life. Well truth is, i took a premeditated hiatus. Renouncing my existance thus taking a self-impose exile trip just to meander away whilst fathoming my true intent and purpose in life. I couldn't discover it in time. Now i am back on my own turf. Take a step back. Because i have returned. Let's get the blog rolling...

It hasn't exactly been a rosy road into 2011. A series of unfortunate events besieged me. One of which being the loss of my Iphone. It was stolen rather. Imagine how incredulous i had felt then. It is my first foray into negligence and i have never lost anything of colossal value. I was perturbed by the fact that it contained the multitude number of personal contacts, photos and videos, and perhaps my text messages between friends, at the risk of being explicitly shared with the perpetrator. Yes, i admit i have photos that smells of libertine proportions. Nude pics of Eddie Yusoff circulating in cyberrealm anyone?

I am praying and hoping the son-of-a-bitch gets apprehended soon enough. I am not anticipating the recovery of my Iphone, but should he gets the full brunt of the law, i would certainly want to press charges for theft. And to compensate me for the grief i have suffered. Just you wait.

I am beset with ideas and slew of ramblings that i have kept pent up since the last entry. I am determined to be vocal and if my journal emit semblances of tirade and indiscriminate remarks, who says i am going to be sorry for bearing the rights to my opinion and thoughts?

I covet for a hatelist. I want to persecute objects and people who infringe my beliefs and
ideas of how things should be viewed. I have ingested enough displeasurable fragments of idiosyncrasies of people, to compel me to rant like a preposterous bastard. While we are at it, let's do a Top 30 list of Resentment Theory, the reinstatement of gritty bitch fits.

1. What is so OH-MY-FCUKING-GOD about Jill Marie-Thomas who won channel 5's OMG? She's truly OMG meh? The only OMG that flashes across my unsuspecting brain is how severely untalented she is. Period. I am still traumatised by her singing at the Floating Platform during the New Year's celebration.

2. I can just die when clubs play anthems by Bieber, Rihanna, Gaga, Akon, Kingston, Kesha, Perry & the works. You should see how terribly excited the minahreps and matreps were. So excited like they've just got a C6 for Mother Tongue at the N Levels. Or in sheer ecstasy like they thought the last episode of Totally Spies on okto was superb and rivetting.

3. Closeted local male tv personalities refuting claims of them being gay is so fcuked up. You're spotted you bitch. I can see through your maybelline foundation. You denying facts is like believing Singapore will flourish in the Olympics. Or winning Miss World/Universe pageants.

4. It's super-annoying when a family boards the mrt with several children in tow, then expect other commuters to be gracious to accomodate a seat to each one of them? Wah lau! My problem issit that you don't practice birth control? We pay to stand uh?

5. I cannot tahan people who eat Keropoks or cut their fingernails or couple locking lips in the bus. Plus, can you imagine, a chinese lady was eating peanuts from a packet and suka-suka threw its shells on the floor of the bus the other day! Ah soh uh, you think this is a funeral wake in Ghim Moh?

6. To the friendly bakery aunty, no pork no lard does not mean it's halal can? I am not going to buy your ham with floss bun.

7. Can local radio seriously stop playing Mariah Carey songs even just for a day? I hear it everytime when i was in the office so much that my reason of resignation reads: Mariahtillitis syndrome.

8. I don't like Justin Bieber. He is a confused white girl. And Miley Cyrus is irritating. She is a confused white girl. They both CANNOT sing.

9. Facebook games/applications are super annoying. Please don't ask me to play along in your silly Cityville or Farmville games. I have no time to send you a cow, corn or chicken. Don't send me your requests for hugs and kisses too bitch!!!

10. What is it with people who adds you in Facebook, then weeks later blatantly remove you from their friends' list? What is wrong with you, bitch? Relax la, i ignored you 'cos i don't see myself going out with you. You want me to vomit while having dinner with you?

11. Students in school uniforms engaging in embraces at the void deck is a major turn-off. Can you imagine? The boy will go ''Oh baby, i love the smell of your bata shoes. Your Disney-print bra is so sexy. I think your knee-length skirt is giving me an orgasm.'' Girl: ''Oh baby, i love your scrawny iron-board body. Can we trade our Pokemon cards already? Also, i love your Ben 10 schoolbag, b.''

12. Channel 5 showing Harry Potter movie series 976 times per year.

13. Why is it some women still brush their handbags back and forth for like 600 times just to get their ezlink cards detected at the scanner when alighting from the bus? Next time i see you do that, i will just kick you from the back. I don't have the whole of Tuesday morning to watch your circus act, you clown.

14. I don't like the Seziri Sezali and Sylvia Ratonel combo. What is this? A KFC buddy package meal? Why is it for every shows they will always be featured alongside each other? Got discount meh?

15. Boys who dresses/wants to be like girls on the pretext of being members of an androgynous vogue dance outfit will only read DAYLIGHT TRANNIES. What different are you from the streetwalkers when dusk sets in?

16. I still get this, after trying to reached for someone over their mobile - ''Them: hey you called?''. WTF. No i didn't call. I was possessed by the ghost of Emily Rose and calling you was undeliberate. Oh my what has gotten into me. Yeah right. You idiot.

17. At a local bubble tea shop, i was psychologically scarred when a China lady replies me - ''You want green apper green tee with perr?'' When i had to repeat what i wanted, she switches to mandarin with much dismay. Eh? Now i have to learn to speak mandarin? I just want to use the bubble tea straw, dip into my bubble tea, inhale the starchy ball pearls and spit the balls at her Sichuan face. Irritates!

18. I don't understand why women Indian expats would go jogging in glittery punjabi suits at the running tracks. What is this? An MTV for 'Khabi Khushi, Letchumi Here i Come?' Your gold designer sari is beautifully fluttering in my face goddammit.

19. Why am i still getting flyers and brochures despite having the latch in my letter box set to lock? Singpost, i am going to man-punch your postman! You think i am a slut that you can anyhow insert into my hole?

20. A certain former political figure across the causeway with his incessant Singapore bashing is so 2005. You and your 15 minutes of fame. Get over it la, agong. Nine more years to Wawasan 2020 and you still have kampungs. Aiyoh.

21. I cannot stand anything made from China. Even if they are the first to create human clones.

22. I should make a mention about this to certain aspiring singer-wannabe friends. BEING AN ELIMINATED CONTESTANT IN A REALITY TV SINGING SHOW DOES NOT MAKE YOU A CELEBRITY. GET THIS IN YOUR HEAD YOU MORONIC DEMON.

23. I DON'T WANT a DVD player, GPS system, New Moon abalone, car vacuum equipment, hair dryer, portable dildo, botox filler set, sewing machine, queen-size bed, kitchen knives, samurai swords or fire-starter kits when i am buying petrol la AUNTIE!!! Stop asking me can? Just give me my green tea and my receipts or i set your Maggie Cheung perms on fire.

24. I hate pressing the lift buttons for ungrateful motherfcukers. Do i look like your friendly lift attendant from St. Regis? Where is your humanity?

25. China women hairstylists at the saloon CANNOT UNDERSTAND 'DON'T CUT MY SIDEBURNS'. Please bring along a recorder with mandarin translation, a braille book on hair styles, a bible, talisman, potions, rose water, garlics, voodoo dolls and every other exorcism materials. Like what possessed you to cut my sideburns so short like i got my haircut for free at Changi Prison?

26. The world will not end in 2012. Shut the fcuk up.

27. Getting stopped at road blocks and being subjected to vehicle and identification checks is NO fun. What have i got in my Suzuki Swift, Sir? 28 Myanmarese illegal immigrants or 52 Bangladeshi men stuffed in my bonnet that i've just brought home after a night out at Deskar? Or maybe you are checking me out 'cos i look like a pai kia from Toa Payoh? Eh, gangsters wear NUM t-shirt and shorts meh? Have i just came back from a gay rioting where a slutty gay boy died from razor-sharp fingernails and stab wounds by an Anna Sui eye-pencil?

28. Why do mother nature wreak havoc and natural disasters at the SIA walk-in interview at Suntec City recently? Seriously, a dude was spotted wearing green loose polo tees, while another was spotted wearing a vest and a fedora hat. THIS IS NOT A SINGAPORE IDOL AUDITIONS la, monyet. In case you cannot remember, we have already crowned a winner - Sylvia Ratonel. Wait, it's Sezairi. Aiyah same la. READ NO. 14. Now step out and walk towards the 2nd floor where the gadgets conventions are, you bloody geek.

29. Suicidal/Depressed/Lovelorn/Love-Dejected friends in Facebook who posts sorrowful and heartbreaking posts are super annoying. You are infiltrating my home wall with your stolen and borrowed 1986 song lyrics chorus line by Debbie Gibson or something. Need i remind you why your bf/gf/grandma/mistress left you, you psychotic moron?

30. Fat people CANNOT wear v-neck tees. What am i? A contestant in a TV game show playing spot where your neck is? Let the lumps of blobs breathe under the cotton buddy. You look like an Asian-made condom made for caucasian d**ks.

THE EVOLUTION

This is what i have worked so hard for. Transformation is almost complete. Never thought i'd feel this awesome about myself. Changes come when the body, mind & soul wants to make a difference. Dream it to own it. Nobody can make it happen but yourself. And you can. - E. Y

To Love Again

It was purely unintended. We were both looking for something else. But destiny had a plan. I was never looking for you. You weren't expecting me either. And i fell in love.

You captivated me in ways i've never felt before. The innocent look and twinkle in your eye melted me each time i stole glances at you. That smile was as beautiful as the sunrise. It softened me i swear.

I may not know much about you right now, but i somehow can figure what and who you are. And my heart tells me you could be the light i was dying to see. Any minute ray of light will suffice. Because i was incapacitated at my darkest moments when you make your shine turn into hope. A hope that made me rise after my fall. Hope that every tomorrow will be a brand new day. And that one hope to tell me that i could love again.

I am possibly the most complex human being to handle. My ego has set this fortified walls around me. It will take a fighter to break down these walls & discover who i really am behind myself. You didn't do all of that. You merely had to walk around these walls to reach for me. I took your hands and now we are fighting to make this work.

I know it is in the infancy stages of this relationship. But i am willing to let this develop into something beautiful. I don't know about you, but i really care for you. I just wanna tell you that you have stole my heart. I want to be able to say those three words before i don't get a chance to.

Trust me. I am putting in effort to make this happen. Any little chance i get, i will aspire to win you over. I don't know why i am caring this much for you. And why i am eager to find my way into your heart. I hope every little things i do will make a difference. Something that you will remember me for a long time.

I love the tender kisses. I love the warm embraces. I love the electrifying stares. I love holding on to you. I love your heartwarming smiles.

And...

I LOVE YOU - I. H.

NEVER BEEN GONE

BIGGER. BOLDER. BETTER.

I'M BACK.

Paint The Sky With Stars

Happy 45th Birthday Singapore... MM Lee Kuan Yew, this is a special tribute post for you... :)))

Catching The Sunlight

The sabbatical is over. It has been almost a month since my last entry. With a heavy head and a heavier heart, i have left behind the first half of twenty-ten. There were times i wished i would grow quickly and sail towards adulthood, and there were also times i hope age does not catch up on me.

It is almost cringe-worthy. The 80's babies are turning 30 soon. Frankly speaking, i have this niggling feeling and apprehension on hitting the ghastly figure. But it's inevitable. Shucks. I am still a care-free bachelor, i have yet to embark on a steely career & i am nowhere ready to start a family of my own.

An epiphany hasn't dawn on me yet. After all, isn't it better to live a day at a time? I will just take whatever life puts on my plate.

Moving on..

My 27th birthday in August will dawn on me soon, and i have hatched several plans of sorts. Call it resolutions if you may. I have harboured desires to acquire a great body of art, maintain an ideal weight and keep my food intake under strict surveillance. I am definitely somewhere right as i am typing this, but i hope i can achieve my goal by my impending birthday.

I am holding on to my dreams in appearing in men's fitness magazine, or getting my body featured in The Sunday Times Hot Bod Series. Honestly, whatever effort i am putting in are those of aesthetic purposes. I live to look good. Because my confidence will not glister if i am insecure on how i look, which in turn affects me a great deal cos then i won't feel good. Eddie's gotta shine. Best believe, man.

I have prepetually spoken of my wish to obtain a degree by the time i hit a certain age. That too, isn't far-fetched since i already have a Diploma in my bag. However, i am more concerned of graduating from poly for my part-time studies. It will be a perilous journey but i am adamant to ace my studies without being afflicted by the woebegones of life trials, relationship issues and the battle with my inner demons.

NUS, NTU... Please accept my application in Four-Five years time. :)

I am currently beset with friendship issues. You know, the ordeal of standing in the battlefield of dodging assaults of jealousy, hypocrisy, backstabbing and the works. I mean, we've been through the sum and parts of it through our secondary school years. I am sure we are way classy and streetsmart for any form of altercations and hate. Why are you guys giving me dramas and soap operas at this age?

I have possibly lost a few friends along the way for one reason or the other. Which, by no means whatsoever my fault. I am generally okay with ditching lifelong bonds with people, if i ever find out i am being disrespected & treated unjust.

To the friends departed, i care NOT that you'd walked out on me. Don't hate just because i look good for myself now. Don't hate 'cos i am educated. Don't hate 'cos i've dated, bedded and netted hotstuffs. Don't hate because of my personality. Don't hate 'cos i got class. And don't HATE 'COS I AM DOING BETTER THAN YOU.

I am currently seeing someone right now. This person stole my heart and i am fondly attached, almost like i never want to let go. But we are overwhelmed with hitches and snags at this very moment, and it gets harder to reaffirm and pledge your undying love for that person everytime we are broken open by circumstances and episodes of misunderstandings.

Maybe it rings true to a certain degree that it takes weak moments for a relationship to grow stronger. But how many times can a heart be fixed once shattered? I , however, heal by trust. And i hope this person can respond in similar fashion. It will continue to do so until there will be no more reason and glue power, left to hold the mantle of love together.

Ok, i am fawning over something spectacular. I am dying to get my hands on the new Iphone 4. I am absolutely bowled over by the sophistication and how technologically, it incorporates the wisest features a handset should have. I am primarily smitten by the 5-megapixels camera, because a camera whore like me, relies on good photography and camera works.

The Iphone may be overrated and a common sight nowadays, but the wonders of Ipod, mobile Facebook and the gargantuan number of applications will make one never to get their hands off their Iphone. It really can keep you busy to ends. I might just save up quick enough to buy me one, since my birthday looms around the corner.

Back to this fantastical life that i am leading, i want to get my act together and for a long while, do something worthwhile for my life. I am expressing desires to return to the Police Force. I have resigned almost TWO years ago from the organization - with concrete reasons in doing so. You would have to read my previous posts on why i left my security blanket.

I am now almost ready for a comeback. It may not necessarily be putting my best foot forward and be performing crime-busting acts - it could also be in any other Government sectors. I will settle for no less than a Government's job and indeed, i am putting my head through the door and knocking on it until someone opens. I want my thrice-yearly bonuses, my subsidised medicals, my 12-hour shifts, my Police cards, documents and affiliations, my awards, my authority and privileges and yes, the Glam factor that encompass.

Life is nowhere perfect but i am enthralled by the different routes i have to take. After all, it gives me an ideal opportunity to explore my options and decisions. I have grown to understand the mechanics of life and i am unafraid to fall. Because without falling, i will never know where my weaknesses are. And to be perfect is almost a Saint, which none of use mere mortals are.

Until the next entry - Keep on discovering, learning and growing. Cheers. :)))

I LOVE EU, baby R.

Body Language

Love Was Not Made For Us

Dato' Siti Nurhaliza - Beradu Di Khayalan

A beautiful love song, which i am dedicating to the people whom i used to give my heart to. We have moved on and may be leading our own lives now, but the memories will never be obliterated.

Thank you for writing a chapter in my life story.

LOVE - Eddie Yusoff

BROKEN OPEN

YOU BROKE MY HEART.

Letter From Your Royal Highness

Dear Folks,

Almost half of 2010 is gone. And i am nearly ashamed to concede my blog posts has been nothing but languorous. I do have stories and daily events to put forth, but i am frankly feeling lymphatic of late.

I am trying to get my groove back on. I want to paint and flourish my blog with more hues of controversies, scandalous issues, raise far more objectionable topics, share juicy & worthy nuggets on my daily life, bitch about other people's life, infringe into the business of others and set out to create ripples and reverberation from the society, general public and humankind as a whole.

I am not proud to say my blog has afflicted a heap deal of anguish on some. My personal tirade against people who does not align with my beliefs and opinion raises more than eyebrows. Some readers do get antagonized so much so that my blog has been flagged several times.

But. It is my prerogative to transmit whatever thoughts i deem fit. A blog is a personal domain. Interestingly, it also belongs to the netizens and the cyberspace community who also has access to trawl one's online diary.

I am not complaining. Read at your own peril. I am not going to change my style to be in sync with your noble opinions and thoughts. Because i am not going to let you hear the things YOU WANT to hear. You should hear the things I WANT to tell you.

And if i had to change myself the way you want me to, then it will be hypocrisy at best. Then i won't be myself and living my life the way i want it. That would be living the life you want me to.

I don't quite relish in the flattery and immense popularity votes in Facebook.

I find it vexatious and perplexing when people add me and subsequently probe into my sexuality. It is somewhat a violation of ethics. Because i know i will never add someone and promptly enquired on what sexual roles he/she plays. For my case, it's almost always a top or bottom question.

Admittedly, i have posted a few moderately salacious pictures of myself. Wittingly or otherwise. But it is not an invitation to saunter into my profile and quickly distinguish me as someone accessible.

I will appreciate it if people could give warm introductions and progressively cajole me into taking things further in a MODEST manner.

Apart from that single grouse, i have fostered good relationships with many others, some of which who have went on to become buddies. I am generally alright with random people taking a stab at getting acquainted with me, but i hope a fine line can be drawn.

And have i explained myself why my short bio reads - 'I don't like ugly people?'

Sincerity will triumph above all. If i get people who are not deterred by my loathsome quote, and adamant about breaking the barrier and stepping over the boundary that i've set, all in the name of wanting to know me better, then i would welcome them with open arms.

Well, i hope this unfortunate series of event can be safely wrapped up and stashed somewhere in distant memory.

A change is gonna come right here. While i am working hard at overhauling my blog with a more fresh, vibrant, scintillating look, and heavy on photos and noteworthy issues, i want to thank you for your visits for now.

We've taken this ride together and time to get on the far more joyful ones, in the coming attractions. God bless.

THANK YOU.

It's Worth The Wait

Await For My Fabulous New Entry With Patience & Anticipation

Rise of Hope

I am definitely wiser now. I have matured so much over the last year and can't help relisihing the vantage of my precociousness with humility, intrepidity and gratefulness.

The many wrong turns that i had taken has ingrained valuable life experiences, rendered skills and made me realised the strength i never had in me.

I swear by the adage of finding one's strength in their weakest moments. Because we tend to seek, prayed and hoped for insurmountable strength to put us through the storm.

I have to learn to look ahead, look out for myself , look outside the box. I have to stay a few steps ahead of everyone else. Because i have come to terms of me being different than your average. I am unlike my peers.

I have accomplished a few missions that i set out to materialise. I have stood and stand by my resolutions to overturn my life around. Because if i choose to surrender to my destiny and fate, then life will be exactly how it would turn out to be. I don't want to let destiny and fate dictate my life. And so i took it in my hands and ran away with it. It's my prerogative on how i want my life to be. I am the master of my own dreams.

I am capable to make things happen. I know what i want and i have my vehicle, tools and vessels to ensure they would be fulfilled. Beyond life, love is the only thing that is not within my jurisdiction. Because relationships has to be mutual and not to be selfishly owned by only one.

I have thrived in my darkest hour, withstand the pain and heartbreaks, faced and fought the battles, emerged a survivor from the hurricane and strived for a better life for myself.

I have not looked back since. I have only desires to look beyond the vast golden ocean and touch the ends of the earth. Nobody yearns to touch the end of the rainbow anymore.

I am a fighter. Watch my wins.

'I didn't know my own strength'. Thank you Whitney for the anthem.

Lost touch with my soul
I had no where to turn
I had no where to go

Lost sight of my dream
Thought it would be the end of me

I thought I’d never make it through
I had no hope to hold on to
I thought I would break

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down,
and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain

I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break

I didn’t know my own strength

Found hope in my heart
I found the light to life
My way out of the dark

Found all that I need
Here inside of me

I thought I’d never find my way
I thought I’d never lift that weight
I thought I would break

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down,
and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain

I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break

I didn’t know my own strength

There were so many times I
Wondered how I’d get through the night I
Thought took all I could take

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down,
and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain

I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break

I didn’t know my own strength

Happily Ever After

God opened up the skies for me. I saw you, in the form of a silver lining, becoming my greatest light, overpowering my darkest days.

I was lost, then you found me. I will be perpetually grateful, for your faith and love in me has restored my happiness and returned my sunshine.

I will be the man you never had. I will pour joys and shower you with tenderness, warmth and affection.

I promise to love you wholeheartedly. I will standby you through time & tide. You have forever with me. I will protect you with my loyalty and sincerity.

The world i know is the world we both share.

I love you, Fiq. Muacks.

200032010.

Fierce Factor

If you haven't read about the news on the altercation that ensued between a disorderly drunk passenger and an SIA cabin crew, i believed you have been in a coma throughout after being stylishly hit and ran over by a certain Diplomat who spun wonderous incredible tales from the crypt, more rivetting than Alice getting lost in wonderland.

Alice, who is cross-eyed and had the looks of a three week old lotus pau, had a peculiar encounter with director Jack, who wanted her to be part of Mediacorp's Seven Princesses. Because Fiona(Xie), had left for ogreland happily never after. No, wait. Alice met the mad hatter. Wrong story. Another time perhaps.

Back to the dramatic showdown transpired thousands of feet in the air, fellow passengers were treated to a spectacular display of a bitch fight - Fangs, horns, claws and tiaras out. And you thought male cabin crew are campy and all gay. No pun intended. So the misdemeanor was slapped with a jail term. And little is known of the fate of the cabin crew. Crowned another tiara for advocating world peace perhaps? Ris Low will be so jealous she will start to retake her 'O' Level, try to get a D7 in english and apply for Miss Pet 2010.

I must say this out. Electronic retailers must never sell digital cameras to ugly people. In this Facebook age and what have you, i have been agonized by daily postings of people who uploaded photos of events or themselves, slap on incredulously self-flattering captions of themselves and believed they looked like members of the Korean girl band with the annihilation anthem - Nobody. Don't we all cringe when friends with kesian faces claimed themselves to be hot and that people are looking their way?

I really want to inform them of the 70% sale IKEA is having on wall mirrors. But i don't think i could because they were all sold out. It cracks every morning in the homes of some Suria actresses. People who look like keloids don't need mirrors. They need prayers. While i am at it, i get all bothered when the Hey Good-Looking column in The Straits Times Urban section featured confusing bimbos with brains the size of a pistachio. Their quote usually reads - I THINK I AM AVERAGE-LOOKING. I RATE MYSELF 7.5 TO 8 OVER 10. Honey, mathematics will tell you a FIVE is average. Have you left your brains at the kopitiam during lunch?

Anyways, ONLY beautiful, pretty people can take photos, can???

I was at East Coast Park McDonald's last month and i was taken aback by the service of a China National counter girl. I was perplexed when in a bo-chap tone, she asked me to come back in 10 minutes to get my fries because they are busy. What next? You want me to go over the kitchen and fry my six piece nuggets myself? Or do you want me to go to the blender, put in the cookies and make my own oreo ice-cream? You B****.

It irks me when people question my character and attack my personal beliefs and opinions. In a classy defiant act, i don't bother to retaliate or explain myself of my acerbic wit and eccentric persona. I subscribe to freedom of speech, and while i may be anti-conformist, i expose myself of who and what i am, without semblance of hypocrisy or curbing my thoughts just because it is not socially acceptable to do so. I say what i need to and i make no apologies for it.

Wouldn't i be fake if i sugarcoat my words and views? When people ask for your honest opinions, you don't tell them what they want to hear. You tell them what they should hear. If they find it derogatory, sorry but i never cared. Constructive criticism is essential, you know. I may be slammed and be labelled a bitch. But really, life is a bitch. You don't need a bitch to tell you that.

On an end note, i am extremely proud of myself in shedding excess weight off my body. I am pleased with how i look now. It is a far cry from five months ago, when i was plus 20kg heavier. The no-rice, white meat only, one meal a day diet proved to be truly effective. Also factor in my 2hour runs every day and a whole lotta self-reflection moments whenever i stumbled on pictures of fit guys with perfect bods. Then again, you just want to be a part of the hot guys society, la. Haa...

Holler to my fresh camp of deadly alliances - Parmesh, Lydia, Nora, Brigid, Faizal, Fafa...Thanks for dropping by in my life and making it a much colourful one to live in. You guys are wicked and a crazy bunch. :)))

I am almost ready to get over you. Give me just a little bit more time. Thank you for making me who i am today. You made me prove to you i can change myself just like how easy you'd changed your feelings for me. And definitely, an experience with you becomes my valuable education. God Bless. Take care and have a wonderful birthday later this month.

A Weekend Escapade

It was a brilliant day to come out and play. The sun tanned us to hues of bronze and golden brown, the late afternoon showers rendered respite from the blazin' heat, the ocean bed provided the sanctuary for us to wade in blissful escapism and the memorable moments shared among FIVE - priceless.

More pictures can be found in my Facebook page. :)

''A Golden Tan''

''Lifeguard On Duty''

''Baywatch Cast 2010''

''The Fabulous Five''

Model Behaviour

''Siloso Ambassadors''

Who: Me, Lydia, Nora, Faizal & Badiyah

What: Beach Party

When: 26th February 2010

Where: Siloso Beach Sentosa

Freaks of Nature

I have millions of thoughts racing in my mind right now.

Some things are regressing into dysfunctional mode, leaving me disconcerted. I want to revisit the relationship issue, but it has gotten old with time. But nary a change in my heart. Because despite the fruitless attempts to negate memories of someone from the past, i find myself feeling the loss overbearing. Guess i am not macho afterall.

I am defenceless against the power of love. Yes, i am still in love with my ex.

Some inane issues were harvested from a certain airline that i was supposedly to be hired in. I had to contend with the melodrama that entails. In fact, i am frustrated about the perpetual inconveniences that the company has inundate us. You have sorely miscalculated amd misconstrued your concept of Eddie Yusoff.

I wasn't hired at the final stages because you figured i will be too intelligent for your scam. You figured right you bigots. Who pays an upfront bond of several thousands to be a cabin crew? I heard from the grapevine you are still weaving your Disney Princess Fairytale around those whom you have selected. Now, the stories has been tweaked in the most blatant style and your antics over employment matter tried to infiltrate into gullible minds.

You are in it for a rude awakening. I am not going to watch my cabin crew aspirants, most of whom turned into close friends now, spiralled into your web of deceits. Your power of persuasion is abysmal. If you forget to remember, i was an officer of law not too long ago. I have orchestraed my own brand of investigation. And from what i have deduced, you're BUSTED.
BITCH.

By the way, thanks for the wonderful workshop that we had attended. Spectacular. Because you gave me 30 strangers-turned-fortified alliances now. Oh, i applied because it was a random job advertisement that i came across. You think i harboured lifelong dream to be employed in your company? Wrong again. Remember your blueprints, honey. You're no SIA. Lastly, i hate your ludicrous motivational talk. It bores me to death. Why do you think i wasn't participating? Think.

My endearing buddies from the workshop...

The most dubious honour for the most catastrophic event goes to the breakdown of my car. Fortunately, it decided to pull a Naomi Campbell's diva tantrum at the carpark of my place of residence. Turns out the battery has depleted every bit of its strength. I cannot imagine the dire situation i will be caught in if the car gets stuck in some ERP carpark somewhere. And to think the night before, FIVE of us took a spin in my car and trawled forbidden territories. What if we were stranded in some cemetery? Sexy.

I am seemingly irate towards the latest season of Survivor - Heroes Vs Villians. The good guys are such weaklings, getting annihilated by the dark forces in quick succession. But it is such a delectable show that keeps me on the edges of my seats. I love the outwit, outplay and outlast slogan. Oh such psychological thriller. READ ABOVE about the airline issues for reference.

Then, i am fraught with unemployment this very moment. I want to get a job pretty much within a week or so. I am left with little choice. School will re-open in a couple of months and i have fees to settle. The misery. I have absolutely no qualms in spending to the last dollar of my salary towards my studies. I can forgo the lavish meals and shopping is never my hobby. Which i why it is a worthy investment when you wager your pay for the benefit of the reward a qualification will reap at the end of the day.

And to add more than what i could finish on my plate, what does one do when people from different directions take the similar trait leading to me? Confessions abound lately. Some gracious souls took a liking on me and harboured hopes of a requited love. Frankly speaking, i wouldn't fend off anyone who tries to get acquainted with me a little deeper. I believe in giving chances and exploring new depths of relationships. But right now, it is overwhelming.

I wouldn't rule out dating. They can always try. But whether i am moved by the sincerity and unwavering flags of love held up by them or not, only my heart has the answers. Soldier on, fighters. March your battles into my fortress and win to set my heart free. Wee.

I HEART U

Hi,

I hope you are doing just fine. Honestly, there isn't a day where i do not think of you. We didn't make it past this wonderful day today, but you will always remain, & have a place in my heart. And for that, i will celebrate the memories we've made.

I will always love you. Take care.

I MISS U, H. :(((

Bad Fiction

Hola.

This is prolly the longest sabbatical that i've taken. I can't help it i guess. It's the first month of the year and things needs to run in order. But so far so good. Everything is going at clockwork pace and finally, i am able to breathe easy.

This week was somewhat gruelling. I had attended a TWO-day workshop on life in general. Suffice to say, it was a breakthrough for some participants. It entails exorcising one's demon, clearing out our closets, hanging our dirty laundry, obliterating emotional baggages, engaging in confessional sessions and regaining faith in oneself.

In retrospect, i would deduce it to be a soul-searching session - where removing boundries, reaching for the sky and becoming a fighter in the face of adverseries and challenges. The one lesson that i have taken from the experience is indefinitely the part of learning from falling. I am unable to share whatever that has transpired in the seminar room because it is unethical to exploit people and their weaknessess.

But one thing i can say is it has been a rude awakening. Everyone has undergone a certain stage of trauma perhaps at least once in their lives and i salute these brave souls for coming forth and acknowledging their harrowing past and resoluting to resolve malignant issues - in tears, humility and pride being compromised.

I am the eternal optimist. Well most of the time. If you had read my blog, you would know how in weakness i found strength, my unwavering belief in how things happen for a reason, why i fervently believe in every experience is an education and a slew of motivational phrases to see me through my life. I wish for the light to shine in your hearts, guys. I feel blessed to be acquainted with every single one of you.

Well, for the uninformed, i am in the midst of undergoing several rounds of interviews with a certain airline, to be a cabin crew. I have braved and escape unscathed the last THREE rounds already and the day of reckoning is looming. The workshop, which we were put through was reportedly to be the FOURTH interview where assessment would be made to filter the potential ones from the ill-calibred.

For the first time in my life i am besieged by agnostic feeling. I am earnest in scoring the job as this is prolly the one job that i have heavily-invested in. As in undergoing the several rounds of interviews, the incredulous amount of time and money involved, the preparations and consistent personal grooming and also the need to exercise intelligence and impress our potential employer at our best ability.

I believe i have dispayed my tenacity, competency, consistency and confidence throughout. But on the other hand, this is one industry where everyone tends to be cuthroat and would go to extremes in snagging the job. But should i get the boot for the final cut, i won't be dejected. I mean out of how many hundreds and maybe thousands that came for the interview, i am part of the elite few that remains.

We are in the dark of the results and from the grapevine, all of us are the chosen ones. We need no bad fiction. We want cold hard facts. So drop the bomb on us. We want to touch the sky. Plus, it would be awesome to have my profession read - Flight Attendant. :)))

Can't disclose much for now. Comeback for seconds soon.

The Greatest Life

Welcome to the turn of a brand new decade.

I am compeled to reinvent and refurbish my blog's layout, furnish it with robust colours and more. However, i resolute not to because i am unable to churn creative essences at the moment. Ha.

I have not written a note of resolutions this time around. It is overstated anyway. The only thing new is the year, but most people remain true to who and what they are without any semblance of change or self-realisation. Instead of fervently collecting potential aspirations in my head, i want to look back and reflect the last decade and how well i have utilised my time while living through it.

If there is a greatest hits album to document the trails of it, its tracklist would be something like this :

2000 - The year i undertook my GCE 'O' Level, in secondary Five. This is possibly one of the most integral year of my life because of the major exam and how i have left behind my teenage years behind along with the whimsical scribbles on the classroom's desk of mine and the beginning of the transition from boy to man.

Oh how i have imbued a part of me - writing history in Springfield Secondary by being the Talentime's Millenium Champion. I have left behind some talents and 'footprints' at the walkway of the door. The win is especially a grandeur moment because year 2000 was the swansong for my school in organizing the singing competition. Needless to say, i had made a name for myself by being the last champion before the scrapped of the event.

2001 - The lowest point of my life has this year to thank. When i failed to pass through an audition round for my enrolment to LaSalle's Theatre Studies course and having SIM withdrawing its Diploma in English Studies course because of lack of students enrolment, i turned to hiatus and led a life of monotony by simply taking the year off to gather my act together.

The one other damage it has done is to render me overweight and have a lackadaisical approach to a healthy lifestyle. I bucked up and was fortunately able to furiously shed the flabs upon realizing the distinguished NS enlistment letter would come by any moment and that i would need to adopt fitness in order to withstand the harsh environment of military life.

2002 - I was called up to serve my National Service with the Singapore Armed Forces. It was an amalgamation of fear, anticipation, excitement and frustration on how the whole tenure is going to metamorph me, be it for the betterment or otherwise. But, I came out of it a fighter and i have forged everlasting brotherhood with fellow soldiers right up till today.

I have learned so much from the SAF and i am 100% in support of National Service being made mandatory for able-bodied young men of this Lion City. It has played its role in shaping who i am today. Salute.

2003 - Still in first year of military life. Nothing significant transpired apart from the routine balls-carrying and boot-licking of officers and snooty rank-cazy sergeants in trade for off days and pleasant treatment, the silent misery and agonizing countdown until the end of National Service, the relentless bouts of performances for the festive and unit celebrations all year round...It's nothing contradictory. While it can be gruelling at times, overall everything has been eventful.

My very first exposure with the campy gay & transgender community comes from the flamboyant characters existing in my army unit. It truly opened my eyes and made me realized how people of the third, fourth & fifth kind can co-exist in our society without being discriminated against and looked at with degenerative standpoint.

2004 - The year of ORD. I prolly did so many things for this one whole year soon after i got released from active duties in SAF. It means to be an NS Man, for the uninitiated.

I had landed a job with the Singapore Police Force four months after ORD. This was also the year i partake in the inaugural season of Singapore Idol. Didn't get very far, and was pragmatic about participating, lest my audition clip would be made a national farce. But i persevered and camped out outside Suntec City, among thousands. The singular reason for me in having the bravado to audition would be the niggling thoughts inhabiting - on how i would look back in regret later in my life, lamenting on the things i didn't do then. It was the experience that i get to keep. Nevermind i couldn't get far in the competition.

2005 - As i have a penchant for media-related things, i applied to study in MDIS, for its Diploma in Mass Communications. I earnestly urge those who are keen to study media to pursue Mass Comm studies. Because Mass Comm itself has branches of sub-field of studies. For instance - Journalism, Marketing, Advertising, Social Behavioural, TV & Radio Production...You can always find your niche in any of these modules and further enhance your specialization of chosen field in the future. The other TWO reasons why i picked MDIS would be its affiliation with Singapore Airlines and Mediacorp. And that it being the second biggest private school in Singapore.

2006 - It was a tumultuous year. My dearest aunt succumbed to cancer and the whole family was devastated. It was especially hard on me to accept as i had lost a guardian who had raised me for the most part of my life. I refuse to wallow now because i figure it is true what they say about earth may have lost a soul but heaven has gained an angel.

The other key event prior to my aunt's demise would be my birthday party, organized at a grand scale. Think drag performers, literal transformation of a chalet into a club setting - complete with smoke machine, strobe and disco lights, radical sound systems and a king's feast of buffet.

2007 - The year was quite substantial because i obtained my driver's licence after a few attempts and in a span of four months, purchased my first and very own four-wheelers.

Apart from the couple of holidays (KL, Bangkok) and cruise getaways organized by my division's cohesion activities, nothing much happened during the year. Not that i can remember any.

2008 - The year i resigned from the Singapore Police Force, after FOUR years of service.

It was a pretty solid year too, partly due to my birthday - 20th August - 2008, which was in tangent with the year 2008. Which means then the date was 2008/2008.

2009 - I honestly don't know what to make of the year. It was nowhere insipid, But it wasn't that happening too. It was fraught with such delectable, twisted and warped turn of events. The world economic downturn has somewhat played a consequential role in my life - by rendering misfortunes in my job search.

An extra-ordinary brand of love found me after a short respite from previous relationships. It was beautiful, nothing i have ever felt before. But all clouds of fantasies broke, when my partner walked out on me after a few trying months, leaving me heartbroken right till this very moment. I mourn for thee and will always keep these spectacular moments in my heart. How i wished for thee to comeback and call me love once more.

I had come to a point in life during the year that i have fully grown up, capable of making decisions, determined to make good of life, think beyond logic and reason, being comfortable of who i really am, emerging as an intrepid human being, accepting my flaws and in the process, discovering my strengths.

On a fluttery note, i had graduated from MDIS with my Diploma, qualified myself to study in Temasek Polytechnic and i was blessed to be given a buddy companion - for the numerous times i had mentioned his name - read previous posts, will you?

I lost some weight because of your motivation. Hee...

For the beginning of a brand new year, i have not drawn any resolutions. I prolly won't for the this year, as i would want to witness events unfold before my eyes. Indeed i am conscientious on what i want in life. But there are still dreams i have yet to fulfil. And until i have gotten the dreams of yesterday out of the way, perhaps then i would be able to catch the light & hope of the fantabulous new year.

They say, if you don't remove the baggage in your heart and mind, then obviously there won't be any more free space to hoard new things. Just in case i forget, here is my lifelong list of things i want to achieve, yet again : -

1) Complete my Diploma in Police Studies 2) Get featured in The Sunday Times Hot Bod Series (Wee!) 3) Perfect overseas getaways with my buddy/friends 4) Take part in TV's reality programs 5) Find & fall in love, & maybe get married and have children and the works 6) Achieve a desirable tanned, lean and toned swimmer's body 7) Upgrade to an MPV car - a Kia Carens possibly 8) Get employed in a dream job that pays well 9) Obtain a master's by the time i hit 35 10) Be somebody and have the ability to inspire & touch lives.

Cheers to 2010.

An Imperfect Dream

I can't wait to go back to school. Failing the first year of poly does not necessarily mean i should just hurtle my studies out to the gutter altogether. Being me, i am never one to recognize what failure is - because to me, winning is everytime you pick yourself up after every fall and relentlessly try to tear down these walls in order to get to the other side.

Things are looking up but it could always get better. Any foresight on what the new year will bring is not too cognitively lucid, but i am hopeful the sun will beam brilliantly across the horizon. I want to embrace life in the most optimistic way. I need to vanquish semblances of afflictions caused by a broken relationship, agonizing moments, setbacks and failures.

I know i am the cause of my own destiny. Fate is accredited by my own hands. I fully understand my weaknesses and strengths. I want to listen to no one else but the voice in my heart. I want to cross boundaries and leverage myself towards pinnacles i've never reached. I am also capable of turning weak moments into strengths now.

It would be amazing to be enchanted all over again in the fairytales of a relationship. It'll be heartening to be loved, have your heart taken care of and know that you have that someone waiting for you at the end of the day. I want to be enamoured by an angel who will accept me for who and what i am, accept my imperfections, accept my quirks and habits, accept my erratic personality, accept my principles and beliefs and the most pivotal - to love me perenially and standing by me by weathering these trying times together.

In all brute honesty, i am still in love with my ex. Things don't work out here and there but believe me, i will standby my promise of always keeping that empty space in my heart for that person to return and reside once again. Indeed i have kept away that book we wrote, but love is able to manifest itself anytime it wishes to. Who knows what has been scribed on one's fate.

What we can do on our end is to bear with the imperfections of one another, learn to understand each other and work things out by seeking every avenues possible. Those, are the opportunities we did not take. Instead, we find all sorts of ways and reasons to repudiate each other's existance, without giving it a little more effort in salvaging the relationship. In this instance, i have never given up.

I hope the right one steps in. I'll be waiting here for your light. Come around soon.

Street Symphony

I love my area of residence. I really cannot think of a more cushy estate than Pasir Ris. It is unlike the rest of Singapore - I think the other parts of Singapore are heavily-populated anyway. I adore its quaint and tranquility, with wafts of sea breeze from the nearby Pasir Ris beach bursting through my bedroom window, gently ruffling the smell sensory. My place is unobstructed from neighbouring flats and buildings. In fact, on a clear and sunny day, my room renders an amazing landscape of the sea, fringes of the Punggol estate and even our neighbouring country - Malaysia.

I appreciate the convenience of it all. The trinity of shopping behemoths(Courts, Giant & Ikea) are a walking distance, the TPE/KPE that connects to the other part of our island is a walking distance from my place, Changi Village, Changi Airport, Changi & East Coast Beach is one short drive away, Temasek Polytechnic, where i currently study, is also near to where i live. And again, Pasir Ris Beach/Park is at such close proximity, i frequent for that beach tan, cycling and my routine jogging activity.

The bonus draw would have to be Pasir Ris Camp. I report to that camp during my annual NS callup, which usually entail briefing, field pack item checks and the mandatory requirement to report in our army garb - the No.4. You see, the camp is located at the far end of the Pet/Fish Farm. And my flat is opposite of the entrance of the road that leads to the camp. I mean, during the activation, i can even sashay in at the eleventh hour of reporting because i live just next door. I wouldn't have reservations in carrying that whopping field pack, SBO & helmet, unlike the rest, who would have to lug it from their homes to the camp. Not that i know if anyone else has the fortune of residing in Pasir Ris though.

I grew up in the east - Tampines to be precise. The family moved out when we bought a new flat in Woodlands. After almost five years there, we made a decision to shift back to the east, to be closer to where our grandmother lives. It is refreshing to set up home in Pasir Ris. One would have to stay here at least for a week, to understand everything that i have shared thus far. You can truly be content here. It works for me.

I am pleased that we have Downtown East for my movie fix, albeit the mall is barely a third of any conventional malls, a sports & swimming complex will be built in a couple of years, Pasir Ris - being the last or first MRT station if you may, guarantee commuters seats, the heartwarming sight of army boys congregating on every Sunday evenings at the interchange for their shuttle bus that would ferry them to SAF Ferry Terminal, the fabulous running tracks of Meridian Junior College that i ply daily...

Sure, there are incredible tales flying around on how Pasir Ris is a haven for ghosts, ghouls, the supernatural and the likes. But then again, it is a benefit of sorts for those who wants to evade from the bustling environment of the more older estates. It is indeed distressing to walk home amid the eerie silent streets and walkways(lights go out and people 'disappear' by eleven onwards), but that's how it shall remain to be. I just love to be here because for one, i am reticent and private by nature.

My affection with Pasir Ris notwithstanding, there are other places around Singapore that you can spot me. Call it my usual haunts. They are, by far, the places i seek for pleasure, comfort, thrills, joys and respite. They are, in random order -

1. Meridian Junior College - You can spot me burning the tracks daily, in the evenings from 7 till 9
2. Changi Village - I would patronise its flea market on some saturdays, but almost always i would drive there for supper when i have late-night cravings
3. Pasir Ris Beach - The perfect place for my late-night runs and beach activities. On both occasions, it is generally quiet and uninterrupted by goers as the beach does not have throngs of visitors to begin with, unlike Changi or East Coast
4. Bedok Swimming Complex - I love how quiet and under-populated the place is, and that i can enjoy my swim without running into other swimmers or having them clamouring for the whole pool
5. West Coast Park McDonald's restaurant - When i have school projects or forthcoming exams, this is the most apt place to conduct any self-revision and enlightenment. It is hardly conducive because of the chattering of patrons, but it suffice because the place has a massive seating space, you can choose to seat indoors or al-fresco, it is wired with wi-fi convenience, it welcomes students who wants to do some studying without anyone batting an eyelid - as students make up half of its patrons, free parking for its huge carpark...
6. Eating establisments - Cafeela at Jalan Kayu, Al-Ameen in Woodlands & Spize in Simpang Bedok - The famous eating joints to be seen and heard. I frequent these places on days when my friends and i are looking for a makan place where we can savour the food, people-watch and while the night away with mindless conversations while downing our fabulous Indian milk tea. I dig their chicken chop, spaghetti & brownies respectively
7. Mustafa Centre - The shopping haven. No, it's not that i do my shopping here, but really, it has everything one needs. I can have a great time just by window-shopping here. It is especially pleasant to spend one's time late at night or into the early mornings there. It is crazy that goods are stocked to the brim and how one can get fainting spells just by imagining the things they could buy there
8. Henderson Waves - A romantic spot for the lovebirds or an opportunity for cam-whores to bask in the panoramic view of Singapore from the spiralled bridge. I would always bring friends, who have never been there, for a first time experience visit
9. Sentosa - The Pahlawan Beach is truly the ultimate spot for picnics, a suntan, frolicking in the waters...my most favourite spot to lay the mat would definitely be at the islet, which is connected by the bridge
10. Vivocity - Prolly the only shopping mall that chalks up more visits from me than any other malls. Seriously, what's there not to like about it? It's a giant playground for me. I can be seen at the GV cinema, the roof of the 'deck' chilling while immersing the splendour of Sentosa, at the NewUrbanMales retail store, checking out Zara...

Random Factors

30 more useless information about Eddie you prolly don't know...

1. I pump the accelerator and go beyond the speed limit when i am in a foul mood, especially when people ask me to drive to places i know i might get lost in, or roads that are unfamiliar or where there is heavy traffic. I would also honk incessantly at those who stop by the side of the road, cut into my lane without signalling, inched close to my car...

2. I have a photographic memory. I can steal a glance at some landscapes, pictures, objects or people, and i can draw them right down to the minute details eg. colour, design, position

3. I have the ability to write in multiple handwritings. I can easily switch to the many style of handwritings and i am able to do a single successful attempt of copying anyone's signature at one look

4. I cannot have physical contact with people, even though when non-sexy conversations are being exchanged. Because i will get an erection very easily. Some friends do pull pranks on when in public places, and deliberately pat my chest or talk in a perverse manner, just so i will get a reaction to display a boner

5. I was born in Singapore, raised in Singapore, studied in Singapore and am living in Singapore. But the mystery here is how on earth am i speaking in an inherent accent, widely and unanimously agreed by people to be a cross between 50% Filipino, 30% Singaporean & 20% American. I don't know myself. However, both my late grandparents hailed from Australia but none in the family has Aussie traits or twangs

6. I have peed in my pants before. This happened during Primary School, during the flag-lowering ceremony. Back then, stories of Leprechauns being sighted by former students in the toilets of my primary school were circulated like wildfire, forcing the school to even issue a warning of sorts for students to be careful when visiting the loos. I held back my urine due to fear (i was a small kid then, man) and when i couldn't contain it any longer, the golden shower fell along with the unison singing of the National Anthem. Not good when hundreds of eyes were fixated on you

7. I take photographs, exposing only my side profile. I hate taking pictures and doing frontal poses, because i don't think everything on my face falls into the rightful place. I don't think my sharp facial features are conventional. I am sounding modest here but overall i am appreciative of my looks, save for my nose which i hated for as long as i can remember

8. I may cut an intimidating figure. But if you are intellectual enough to break these walls around me, you will unravel someone with an entirely different personality. You see, i had to administer the arrogance and swagger, as that is what creates a fortified guard against conflicting elements - the haters, people who tries to bring you down, hostile and negative energy...

9. I listen more than i speak. But when i do speak, i will arrest your utmost attention and most of the time, i will get people to listen intently and demand an aritculated response

10. I have the ability in administering the power of persuasion. I can psychologically overwhelm you, change your mind, persuade you to buy my thoughts and ideas, scar you mentally and get you to go my way. This is nothing manipulative, bossy or sounding like a domineering bitch. I just have my way with words

11. I read people's behaviour well. I know when a person is acting a lying bitch, a serial cheater, a faker, a hopeless hypocrite or a two-timing psycho-slut. I usually participate and feign ignorance, but i won't mirror their behaviour. Because if i do, i will just be as diabolical

12. I am actually shy in real-life. I am not the life of any party, the vocal one in class, or the kind to crack jokes at gatherings. Usually, i would just sit at the corner, try to look cool and handsome, and wait for people to step up to break the ice. I don't initiate conversations, especially with those that are not aesthetically-pleasing. Gee.

13. I used to be one of the TEN finalists for Power 98's Army Icon II, a singing competition held in the year 2005. I had to audition in the midst of a busy Yishun Interchange, as DJ Sebastian called me back for one just as i was about to board the bus home from somewhere. And i sang One Moment In Time. The only song that came to mind at that point. Haha...

14. I am the singing voice behind the radio jingle or advertisement, for Halal Foods Booster, which is still being played daily across the TWO malay radio channels - Warna & Ria. I recorded it in a TWO days, without being paid, as the producer was a then-friend. I also sang the station jingle of Oli.sg. Although i have no hit singles being played on radio, at least i can settle for my ads for now. I had more 'hits' and airplay than The Echoboys okay!

15. I have, to date, participated in both previous seasons Singapore Idol, Anugerah, Asia Bagus, MediaWorks' The Big Break. For acting background, i have played teeny-weeny parts in Under One Roof, Three Rooms, True Story, and scored a lead role for a Toyota commercial

16. I can easily spend more than ONE hour in the showers

17. I don't patronise restaurants or eateries that sets exorbitant prices for its food. I am easily contented with my cheap and affordable hawker fare, because i am not a fan of food

18. I find inspiration just by seeing other guys with a much leaner and fitter bod. That is enough to spur me to run extra rounds at the tracks, staying off junks and calories-ladened food, keeping in shape and rigorously train to attain a similar built

19. I seriously think Joanne Peh has an aura of elegance and the poise of a confident woman. Ann Kok is a hottie too. My ideal girlfriend would have to look like she's one of the New Paper New Face finalists. And Yan Kaykay is my dream sexpot, whom i would do all night. Wee...

20. I have this reservation and discontent towards gay people. I can't quite comprehend why being gay must be associated with coloured contact lenses, make-up, women's wear and girly behaviour. Adam Lambert is one fine example. So we know you're gay. But what's with the make-up and eye-liner and flamboyant image? Why can't gay people be NORMAL and be straight-acting? At least if you shed yourself off these 'accessories', perhaps the treatment and resentment towards homosexuals wouldn't be as dire and blatant, as society sees it today. And discrimination or prejudice will be eradicated. You think?

21. I have taken my own sex clips before. So what? We live just once. Do anything and everything at least once

22. I will kill to partake in Survivor, should the franchaise be brought to Singapore. And perhaps apply for The Amazing Race Asia. With my Buddy!

23. I don't have a normal amount of hair on my legs. They look more like a swimmer's, and here i have some sceptics who thinks i shaved the hairs off to look natural. I have no time for the upkeep, honey. I call it my sexy but scary hairless chicken legs

24. I have a birthmark on my left eyebrow that i'm contemplating to remove. It's weird that nobody ever talks about it, or even too care to notice

25. I think Polo Boys is a show with a bad plot, tacky storyline, corny dialogues and lousy acting. The saving grace is the blazing red trunks. Because the boys can't act, la. Wait, only Julian Low CAN!

26. I want to be trimmed, tanned and toned enough to be featured in The Sunday Times Hotbod Series. Splendid!

27. I don't listen to mainstream music. My music collection is the illest shit you've never heard

28. I used to practice Tae-kwon-do when i was much younger

29. I started singing when i was 10, with Michael Jackson the first artist i ever listened to, followed by Mariah Carey and i remembered Janet Jackson's Janet album, being the most spectacular album throughout my growing up years

30. I cry at weepy dramas and cry when i hear sappy love songs. Heartbroken, la!

Out Of The Dark, Into The Light

The week has been gruelling. Every turn of events has been of a cataclysmic proportion. I felt torn and broken. Nevermind the sadness and frustration that has clung onto me. I have lost the appetite for the lighter side of life. My mood is playing the volatile stock market in my head. I am uncertain of the causes but let's count the factors for the manic mental breakdown.

How does it feel to obliterate the person you used to loved completely from your life? I have done just that. But i wasn't that hesitant because i am fulfilling the other party's wish. Granted. You are completely out of my life. I hung on for as long and seeked redress in the best way i could. But i couldn't please and appease anymore. It hurts to be the subject of your anger when i have been innocent throughout. I am not going to turn hater and inflict diabolical intents on you because you should claim responsibility for everything that has happened. Just to let you know i don't hate you whatsoever. I am singing our swansong. It's curtain call. The best solution is the erasure on my part.

In trying to ardently stick to my strict regime of attaining a desired body shape, i have resolute to alter my eating habits as well. Perhaps it is not too advisable. Because i have refrained from rice for over THREE weeks now, i eat crispy flavored seaweed for my daily sustenance and i consume a single weeny meal a day. This usually consist of vegetable or a fishball soup. Honestly, dieting is an agonizing practice. When you are deprived of your favourite food, you will easily slip out of your elements, get flighty and suffers from a withdrawal symptoms of sorts. It's not an easy task, man. But i am seeing results. The grand total of 14 hours - 2 per day of burning the tracks per week sets my target in the right direction too. I am sorry for the afflictions people. Bear with my behaviour just this once. I can't help feeling rotten too.

I am exploring my options on whether to repeat poly, take up B.A in SIM, or continue with my Degree in Mass Communications in MDIS. I am in a critical situation whereby any decision i make concerns my time, committment and financial state. It's so hard to decide. I need to complete my Diploma in TP because i don't take detour on things and usually would finish whatever i started. It wouldn't hurt to be awarded a polytechnic's Diploma, right? My TP's lecturer claimed it'll be a waste of time to continue in TP when i could have used the money instead and pay for my Degree in Mass Comm in MDIS. The hitch is i don't have thousands of moolahs to apply for a Degree. But it makes sense to move upwards, instead of stepping back. And then someone had to conjure the brilliant suggestion of continuing my studies in SIM, as there is a 40% subsidy for the Degree programmes course fees. It is darn feasible because where money is concerned, i am on a shoestring budget.

I haven't found a moment to gather my sanity and work out the kinks where academic pursuits are concerned. Ultimately, it has to be both beneficial and an investment per se. My mom is ready to fling her shoes at my puppy face on whatever juncture i arrive at. It'll be out of my own pockets this time around.

I am extremely apologetic for the irregularities in my blog postings. Every day has been eventful and worthy to be documented but i cannot find a substantial reason to gravitate towards the computer, apart from the nondescript affair with youtube flicks for my reality TV show fix, checking of emails and inane wall postings by friends in Facebook.

The culprit for my deviation attributes to the blue screen of death, which is generally an initial sign of hardware failure. It irates me when the system suddenly desist, especially in the middle of msn chats, watching sensational videos, blogging and while on schoolwork. And the pc is only in its sophomore year. That's why i am not fixated on my pc. I am going to send it in for a good repair and maybe claim compensation from Acer for the frenetic situations it has put me through. As if.

Alright, i should just stop it right here. Wailing and whining is not going to eliminate my problems. But it feels slightly euphoric to clear your chest of things and airing dark issues, hoping people can empathize with you. It would also be heatening to hear them dispensing words of comfort and sound advice when in times of calamity. I appreciate every single gracious soul who has stepped up to me and surrounded me with their love.

Honorable mention to my besties for your touch of love, care and faith - Shawal(aka The Buddy), Izarnawi, Chelsea, Suhaina, Eric, Muhammad, Sakina, Geeta, Herman, Ritz, Glenn...

Ps: The ordeal has bonded us much tighter and funny how it sometimes takes a storm to test our strength and cemented our faith in each other to weather it as true soldiers? I am your bulletproof vest, buddy. Best believe. And oh, some people would just want to underestimate our blood ties, don't they? We're tighter than any Botox shots injected in Dick Lee's face and tighter than Wong Lilin's ass, man. :)))

A Visual Brilliance

In a month or so, 2010 will usher in. The thrilling thing is not so much of waiting for what the future will bring to our plates, but how have we utilized the previous year, what experiences have we brought forth, what lessons have we learnt and how many of our resolutions were actually materialized.

It has been a dotty year thus far. I fell in and out of love, i have expanded and deflated my body size(which is a concurrent battle for me), i have graduated with a Diploma in Mass Comm, i have gotten a taste of tertiary education in poly, i discovered my gem(see previous post), i have rekindled an impassionate love for running(a seven days a week affair for me now), i got rich and broke at the same time and a whole lot inspid moments that are best sealed in the closet.

However, one issue that i cannot get around resolving is - seeking employment in the sector i desire to be in. I am vehemently finicky when matters of job is concerned. I don't know when i will strike gold but a visceral feeling tells me a good job with a good pay looms in the forthcoming months. I know it is ludicrous to patiently wait for the pen-ultimate fortune but see, sometimes, things happen for a reason. I swear by 'Takdir' & 'Rezeki'.

I have faltered in my examinations. I am not going to be anal about it and harbour misgivings about the result's outcome. I knew the planetary alignments was somewhat disheveled the day i took the exam papers. Because the questions were tough and hard. I pretty much anticipated a lacklustre result. And i will not be abandoned in the dumps and let failure defeat my spirit.

I am certainly in a jolly mood. Because through my weakness, i have discovered my strength. My life is nowhere at the hindmost. I have explored the options and i am glad there are limitless opportunities for me to carry my academic dreams from here on.

It is too early to draw a list of resolutions, but one thing is affirmed - i know what i want for myself. I would just have to work for it, wouldn't i? I am not going to wait for fate or destiny to dictate my life. For instance, if i am driven by motivation to run a marathon, why would i let factors such as physical limits, stronger contenders, time and lack of opportunity inform me of impeded chances? If i am determined to do something, then i would do everything in my capacity to make it work. Why wait for something to happen when i can shift and shape my own destiny, long as i am brave and strong enough? If you dream it, don't dismiss it as a far-fetched dream. The onus is on you to bring it to life.

Some of the things i want to accomplish perhaps would induce an attenuate mirth or more, but the idea of settling down does not sound all too radical, isn't it? The bundle of joys a marriage can bring gives such warmth to the heart, with your son/daughter tugging and gripping their hands around your finger and come calling for you.

This beautiful picture sends my heart fluttering because yesterday, i was at Meridian Junior College, working out at its fitness corner with the buddy after my routine laps at the tracks. A 2 year old or so caucasian/malay mixed boy, approached me and asked me what i do when i am at home. He was left to his own devices by his caucasian dad, who was engaged in a football friendly at the football pitch.

The adorable tot said his name was Keoghan. I took a bit time out of my workout and kept him entertained by playing a goalkeeper while he tried to clumsily kicked the ball through the net. I was overwhelmed by a gentle joy and such wonderful feeling. I envisioned the child to be mine and here we are, relishing in a son and dad blissful moment. When his brother took away his ball, he came up to me crying and tugged at my finger with his tiny hands and said 'i want my ball back' - in an accented english. I melt.

I have come to realise that at this point of my life, at this age i am in, a companion is what would truly complete me. Surely an established career would be the pinnacle of one's life, but let's not practise an oversight of the other things that could render clandestine ecstasy and happiness. My whole life has always been about the paper chase, taking great pains in upkeeping my physical vessel/outlook and shrewdly indoctrinate others that i had failed to understand the basis of life.

Take pride and comfort in the little things you've done and gained. Be proud and thankful whenever you can. Appreciate that someone who love and care for you. Count your blessings on what you have and own. Give a pat on yourself at how far you've come in life. Be grateful that you have lived to see another day. Say your prayers to the ONE who's keeping you alive.

I am most content with my present circumstance. Even though i am not matched with a dream job, blessed with a rosy relationship, obtained a pass for my exams, have little money to get by and not have the means to buy the latest high end gadgets and whatnot, i do not deplore the lows life is giving me. It must have underlying reasons for me to emerge as a fighter through it all.

Surely in more ways than one, i should be thankful that my whole family and i are healthy, i have fulfilled my needs and wants, i lived the high life prior, i have the consistent company of besties and my amazing buddy, i am not handicapped in any ways, and most importantly - for the fact that i am still breathing to bask in a tomorrow that are saturated with bounteous surprises.

God is watching over us. Amin. :p

(Thank You for your company for the whole week, buddy.)