The week has been gruelling. Every turn of events has been of a cataclysmic proportion. I felt torn and broken. Nevermind the sadness and frustration that has clung onto me. I have lost the appetite for the lighter side of life. My mood is playing the volatile stock market in my head. I am uncertain of the causes but let's count the factors for the manic mental breakdown.
How does it feel to obliterate the person you used to loved completely from your life? I have done just that. But i wasn't that hesitant because i am fulfilling the other party's wish. Granted. You are completely out of my life. I hung on for as long and seeked redress in the best way i could. But i couldn't please and appease anymore. It hurts to be the subject of your anger when i have been innocent throughout. I am not going to turn hater and inflict diabolical intents on you because you should claim responsibility for everything that has happened. Just to let you know i don't hate you whatsoever. I am singing our swansong. It's curtain call. The best solution is the erasure on my part.
In trying to ardently stick to my strict regime of attaining a desired body shape, i have resolute to alter my eating habits as well. Perhaps it is not too advisable. Because i have refrained from rice for over THREE weeks now, i eat crispy flavored seaweed for my daily sustenance and i consume a single weeny meal a day. This usually consist of vegetable or a fishball soup. Honestly, dieting is an agonizing practice. When you are deprived of your favourite food, you will easily slip out of your elements, get flighty and suffers from a withdrawal symptoms of sorts. It's not an easy task, man. But i am seeing results. The grand total of 14 hours - 2 per day of burning the tracks per week sets my target in the right direction too. I am sorry for the afflictions people. Bear with my behaviour just this once. I can't help feeling rotten too.
I am exploring my options on whether to repeat poly, take up B.A in SIM, or continue with my Degree in Mass Communications in MDIS. I am in a critical situation whereby any decision i make concerns my time, committment and financial state. It's so hard to decide. I need to complete my Diploma in TP because i don't take detour on things and usually would finish whatever i started. It wouldn't hurt to be awarded a polytechnic's Diploma, right? My TP's lecturer claimed it'll be a waste of time to continue in TP when i could have used the money instead and pay for my Degree in Mass Comm in MDIS. The hitch is i don't have thousands of moolahs to apply for a Degree. But it makes sense to move upwards, instead of stepping back. And then someone had to conjure the brilliant suggestion of continuing my studies in SIM, as there is a 40% subsidy for the Degree programmes course fees. It is darn feasible because where money is concerned, i am on a shoestring budget.
I haven't found a moment to gather my sanity and work out the kinks where academic pursuits are concerned. Ultimately, it has to be both beneficial and an investment per se. My mom is ready to fling her shoes at my puppy face on whatever juncture i arrive at. It'll be out of my own pockets this time around.
I am extremely apologetic for the irregularities in my blog postings. Every day has been eventful and worthy to be documented but i cannot find a substantial reason to gravitate towards the computer, apart from the nondescript affair with youtube flicks for my reality TV show fix, checking of emails and inane wall postings by friends in Facebook.
The culprit for my deviation attributes to the blue screen of death, which is generally an initial sign of hardware failure. It irates me when the system suddenly desist, especially in the middle of msn chats, watching sensational videos, blogging and while on schoolwork. And the pc is only in its sophomore year. That's why i am not fixated on my pc. I am going to send it in for a good repair and maybe claim compensation from Acer for the frenetic situations it has put me through. As if.
Alright, i should just stop it right here. Wailing and whining is not going to eliminate my problems. But it feels slightly euphoric to clear your chest of things and airing dark issues, hoping people can empathize with you. It would also be heatening to hear them dispensing words of comfort and sound advice when in times of calamity. I appreciate every single gracious soul who has stepped up to me and surrounded me with their love.
Honorable mention to my besties for your touch of love, care and faith - Shawal(aka The Buddy), Izarnawi, Chelsea, Suhaina, Eric, Muhammad, Sakina, Geeta, Herman, Ritz, Glenn...
Ps: The ordeal has bonded us much tighter and funny how it sometimes takes a storm to test our strength and cemented our faith in each other to weather it as true soldiers? I am your bulletproof vest, buddy. Best believe. And oh, some people would just want to underestimate our blood ties, don't they? We're tighter than any Botox shots injected in Dick Lee's face and tighter than Wong Lilin's ass, man. :)))
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