THE EVOLUTION

This is what i have worked so hard for. Transformation is almost complete. Never thought i'd feel this awesome about myself. Changes come when the body, mind & soul wants to make a difference. Dream it to own it. Nobody can make it happen but yourself. And you can. - E. Y

To Love Again

It was purely unintended. We were both looking for something else. But destiny had a plan. I was never looking for you. You weren't expecting me either. And i fell in love.

You captivated me in ways i've never felt before. The innocent look and twinkle in your eye melted me each time i stole glances at you. That smile was as beautiful as the sunrise. It softened me i swear.

I may not know much about you right now, but i somehow can figure what and who you are. And my heart tells me you could be the light i was dying to see. Any minute ray of light will suffice. Because i was incapacitated at my darkest moments when you make your shine turn into hope. A hope that made me rise after my fall. Hope that every tomorrow will be a brand new day. And that one hope to tell me that i could love again.

I am possibly the most complex human being to handle. My ego has set this fortified walls around me. It will take a fighter to break down these walls & discover who i really am behind myself. You didn't do all of that. You merely had to walk around these walls to reach for me. I took your hands and now we are fighting to make this work.

I know it is in the infancy stages of this relationship. But i am willing to let this develop into something beautiful. I don't know about you, but i really care for you. I just wanna tell you that you have stole my heart. I want to be able to say those three words before i don't get a chance to.

Trust me. I am putting in effort to make this happen. Any little chance i get, i will aspire to win you over. I don't know why i am caring this much for you. And why i am eager to find my way into your heart. I hope every little things i do will make a difference. Something that you will remember me for a long time.

I love the tender kisses. I love the warm embraces. I love the electrifying stares. I love holding on to you. I love your heartwarming smiles.

And...

I LOVE YOU - I. H.

NEVER BEEN GONE

BIGGER. BOLDER. BETTER.

I'M BACK.

Paint The Sky With Stars

Happy 45th Birthday Singapore... MM Lee Kuan Yew, this is a special tribute post for you... :)))

Catching The Sunlight

The sabbatical is over. It has been almost a month since my last entry. With a heavy head and a heavier heart, i have left behind the first half of twenty-ten. There were times i wished i would grow quickly and sail towards adulthood, and there were also times i hope age does not catch up on me.

It is almost cringe-worthy. The 80's babies are turning 30 soon. Frankly speaking, i have this niggling feeling and apprehension on hitting the ghastly figure. But it's inevitable. Shucks. I am still a care-free bachelor, i have yet to embark on a steely career & i am nowhere ready to start a family of my own.

An epiphany hasn't dawn on me yet. After all, isn't it better to live a day at a time? I will just take whatever life puts on my plate.

Moving on..

My 27th birthday in August will dawn on me soon, and i have hatched several plans of sorts. Call it resolutions if you may. I have harboured desires to acquire a great body of art, maintain an ideal weight and keep my food intake under strict surveillance. I am definitely somewhere right as i am typing this, but i hope i can achieve my goal by my impending birthday.

I am holding on to my dreams in appearing in men's fitness magazine, or getting my body featured in The Sunday Times Hot Bod Series. Honestly, whatever effort i am putting in are those of aesthetic purposes. I live to look good. Because my confidence will not glister if i am insecure on how i look, which in turn affects me a great deal cos then i won't feel good. Eddie's gotta shine. Best believe, man.

I have prepetually spoken of my wish to obtain a degree by the time i hit a certain age. That too, isn't far-fetched since i already have a Diploma in my bag. However, i am more concerned of graduating from poly for my part-time studies. It will be a perilous journey but i am adamant to ace my studies without being afflicted by the woebegones of life trials, relationship issues and the battle with my inner demons.

NUS, NTU... Please accept my application in Four-Five years time. :)

I am currently beset with friendship issues. You know, the ordeal of standing in the battlefield of dodging assaults of jealousy, hypocrisy, backstabbing and the works. I mean, we've been through the sum and parts of it through our secondary school years. I am sure we are way classy and streetsmart for any form of altercations and hate. Why are you guys giving me dramas and soap operas at this age?

I have possibly lost a few friends along the way for one reason or the other. Which, by no means whatsoever my fault. I am generally okay with ditching lifelong bonds with people, if i ever find out i am being disrespected & treated unjust.

To the friends departed, i care NOT that you'd walked out on me. Don't hate just because i look good for myself now. Don't hate 'cos i am educated. Don't hate 'cos i've dated, bedded and netted hotstuffs. Don't hate because of my personality. Don't hate 'cos i got class. And don't HATE 'COS I AM DOING BETTER THAN YOU.

I am currently seeing someone right now. This person stole my heart and i am fondly attached, almost like i never want to let go. But we are overwhelmed with hitches and snags at this very moment, and it gets harder to reaffirm and pledge your undying love for that person everytime we are broken open by circumstances and episodes of misunderstandings.

Maybe it rings true to a certain degree that it takes weak moments for a relationship to grow stronger. But how many times can a heart be fixed once shattered? I , however, heal by trust. And i hope this person can respond in similar fashion. It will continue to do so until there will be no more reason and glue power, left to hold the mantle of love together.

Ok, i am fawning over something spectacular. I am dying to get my hands on the new Iphone 4. I am absolutely bowled over by the sophistication and how technologically, it incorporates the wisest features a handset should have. I am primarily smitten by the 5-megapixels camera, because a camera whore like me, relies on good photography and camera works.

The Iphone may be overrated and a common sight nowadays, but the wonders of Ipod, mobile Facebook and the gargantuan number of applications will make one never to get their hands off their Iphone. It really can keep you busy to ends. I might just save up quick enough to buy me one, since my birthday looms around the corner.

Back to this fantastical life that i am leading, i want to get my act together and for a long while, do something worthwhile for my life. I am expressing desires to return to the Police Force. I have resigned almost TWO years ago from the organization - with concrete reasons in doing so. You would have to read my previous posts on why i left my security blanket.

I am now almost ready for a comeback. It may not necessarily be putting my best foot forward and be performing crime-busting acts - it could also be in any other Government sectors. I will settle for no less than a Government's job and indeed, i am putting my head through the door and knocking on it until someone opens. I want my thrice-yearly bonuses, my subsidised medicals, my 12-hour shifts, my Police cards, documents and affiliations, my awards, my authority and privileges and yes, the Glam factor that encompass.

Life is nowhere perfect but i am enthralled by the different routes i have to take. After all, it gives me an ideal opportunity to explore my options and decisions. I have grown to understand the mechanics of life and i am unafraid to fall. Because without falling, i will never know where my weaknesses are. And to be perfect is almost a Saint, which none of use mere mortals are.

Until the next entry - Keep on discovering, learning and growing. Cheers. :)))

I LOVE EU, baby R.

Body Language

Love Was Not Made For Us

Dato' Siti Nurhaliza - Beradu Di Khayalan

A beautiful love song, which i am dedicating to the people whom i used to give my heart to. We have moved on and may be leading our own lives now, but the memories will never be obliterated.

Thank you for writing a chapter in my life story.

LOVE - Eddie Yusoff

BROKEN OPEN

YOU BROKE MY HEART.

Letter From Your Royal Highness

Dear Folks,

Almost half of 2010 is gone. And i am nearly ashamed to concede my blog posts has been nothing but languorous. I do have stories and daily events to put forth, but i am frankly feeling lymphatic of late.

I am trying to get my groove back on. I want to paint and flourish my blog with more hues of controversies, scandalous issues, raise far more objectionable topics, share juicy & worthy nuggets on my daily life, bitch about other people's life, infringe into the business of others and set out to create ripples and reverberation from the society, general public and humankind as a whole.

I am not proud to say my blog has afflicted a heap deal of anguish on some. My personal tirade against people who does not align with my beliefs and opinion raises more than eyebrows. Some readers do get antagonized so much so that my blog has been flagged several times.

But. It is my prerogative to transmit whatever thoughts i deem fit. A blog is a personal domain. Interestingly, it also belongs to the netizens and the cyberspace community who also has access to trawl one's online diary.

I am not complaining. Read at your own peril. I am not going to change my style to be in sync with your noble opinions and thoughts. Because i am not going to let you hear the things YOU WANT to hear. You should hear the things I WANT to tell you.

And if i had to change myself the way you want me to, then it will be hypocrisy at best. Then i won't be myself and living my life the way i want it. That would be living the life you want me to.

I don't quite relish in the flattery and immense popularity votes in Facebook.

I find it vexatious and perplexing when people add me and subsequently probe into my sexuality. It is somewhat a violation of ethics. Because i know i will never add someone and promptly enquired on what sexual roles he/she plays. For my case, it's almost always a top or bottom question.

Admittedly, i have posted a few moderately salacious pictures of myself. Wittingly or otherwise. But it is not an invitation to saunter into my profile and quickly distinguish me as someone accessible.

I will appreciate it if people could give warm introductions and progressively cajole me into taking things further in a MODEST manner.

Apart from that single grouse, i have fostered good relationships with many others, some of which who have went on to become buddies. I am generally alright with random people taking a stab at getting acquainted with me, but i hope a fine line can be drawn.

And have i explained myself why my short bio reads - 'I don't like ugly people?'

Sincerity will triumph above all. If i get people who are not deterred by my loathsome quote, and adamant about breaking the barrier and stepping over the boundary that i've set, all in the name of wanting to know me better, then i would welcome them with open arms.

Well, i hope this unfortunate series of event can be safely wrapped up and stashed somewhere in distant memory.

A change is gonna come right here. While i am working hard at overhauling my blog with a more fresh, vibrant, scintillating look, and heavy on photos and noteworthy issues, i want to thank you for your visits for now.

We've taken this ride together and time to get on the far more joyful ones, in the coming attractions. God bless.

THANK YOU.

It's Worth The Wait

Await For My Fabulous New Entry With Patience & Anticipation

Rise of Hope

I am definitely wiser now. I have matured so much over the last year and can't help relisihing the vantage of my precociousness with humility, intrepidity and gratefulness.

The many wrong turns that i had taken has ingrained valuable life experiences, rendered skills and made me realised the strength i never had in me.

I swear by the adage of finding one's strength in their weakest moments. Because we tend to seek, prayed and hoped for insurmountable strength to put us through the storm.

I have to learn to look ahead, look out for myself , look outside the box. I have to stay a few steps ahead of everyone else. Because i have come to terms of me being different than your average. I am unlike my peers.

I have accomplished a few missions that i set out to materialise. I have stood and stand by my resolutions to overturn my life around. Because if i choose to surrender to my destiny and fate, then life will be exactly how it would turn out to be. I don't want to let destiny and fate dictate my life. And so i took it in my hands and ran away with it. It's my prerogative on how i want my life to be. I am the master of my own dreams.

I am capable to make things happen. I know what i want and i have my vehicle, tools and vessels to ensure they would be fulfilled. Beyond life, love is the only thing that is not within my jurisdiction. Because relationships has to be mutual and not to be selfishly owned by only one.

I have thrived in my darkest hour, withstand the pain and heartbreaks, faced and fought the battles, emerged a survivor from the hurricane and strived for a better life for myself.

I have not looked back since. I have only desires to look beyond the vast golden ocean and touch the ends of the earth. Nobody yearns to touch the end of the rainbow anymore.

I am a fighter. Watch my wins.

'I didn't know my own strength'. Thank you Whitney for the anthem.

Lost touch with my soul
I had no where to turn
I had no where to go

Lost sight of my dream
Thought it would be the end of me

I thought I’d never make it through
I had no hope to hold on to
I thought I would break

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down,
and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain

I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break

I didn’t know my own strength

Found hope in my heart
I found the light to life
My way out of the dark

Found all that I need
Here inside of me

I thought I’d never find my way
I thought I’d never lift that weight
I thought I would break

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down,
and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain

I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break

I didn’t know my own strength

There were so many times I
Wondered how I’d get through the night I
Thought took all I could take

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down,
and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain

I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break

I didn’t know my own strength

Happily Ever After

God opened up the skies for me. I saw you, in the form of a silver lining, becoming my greatest light, overpowering my darkest days.

I was lost, then you found me. I will be perpetually grateful, for your faith and love in me has restored my happiness and returned my sunshine.

I will be the man you never had. I will pour joys and shower you with tenderness, warmth and affection.

I promise to love you wholeheartedly. I will standby you through time & tide. You have forever with me. I will protect you with my loyalty and sincerity.

The world i know is the world we both share.

I love you, Fiq. Muacks.

200032010.

Fierce Factor

If you haven't read about the news on the altercation that ensued between a disorderly drunk passenger and an SIA cabin crew, i believed you have been in a coma throughout after being stylishly hit and ran over by a certain Diplomat who spun wonderous incredible tales from the crypt, more rivetting than Alice getting lost in wonderland.

Alice, who is cross-eyed and had the looks of a three week old lotus pau, had a peculiar encounter with director Jack, who wanted her to be part of Mediacorp's Seven Princesses. Because Fiona(Xie), had left for ogreland happily never after. No, wait. Alice met the mad hatter. Wrong story. Another time perhaps.

Back to the dramatic showdown transpired thousands of feet in the air, fellow passengers were treated to a spectacular display of a bitch fight - Fangs, horns, claws and tiaras out. And you thought male cabin crew are campy and all gay. No pun intended. So the misdemeanor was slapped with a jail term. And little is known of the fate of the cabin crew. Crowned another tiara for advocating world peace perhaps? Ris Low will be so jealous she will start to retake her 'O' Level, try to get a D7 in english and apply for Miss Pet 2010.

I must say this out. Electronic retailers must never sell digital cameras to ugly people. In this Facebook age and what have you, i have been agonized by daily postings of people who uploaded photos of events or themselves, slap on incredulously self-flattering captions of themselves and believed they looked like members of the Korean girl band with the annihilation anthem - Nobody. Don't we all cringe when friends with kesian faces claimed themselves to be hot and that people are looking their way?

I really want to inform them of the 70% sale IKEA is having on wall mirrors. But i don't think i could because they were all sold out. It cracks every morning in the homes of some Suria actresses. People who look like keloids don't need mirrors. They need prayers. While i am at it, i get all bothered when the Hey Good-Looking column in The Straits Times Urban section featured confusing bimbos with brains the size of a pistachio. Their quote usually reads - I THINK I AM AVERAGE-LOOKING. I RATE MYSELF 7.5 TO 8 OVER 10. Honey, mathematics will tell you a FIVE is average. Have you left your brains at the kopitiam during lunch?

Anyways, ONLY beautiful, pretty people can take photos, can???

I was at East Coast Park McDonald's last month and i was taken aback by the service of a China National counter girl. I was perplexed when in a bo-chap tone, she asked me to come back in 10 minutes to get my fries because they are busy. What next? You want me to go over the kitchen and fry my six piece nuggets myself? Or do you want me to go to the blender, put in the cookies and make my own oreo ice-cream? You B****.

It irks me when people question my character and attack my personal beliefs and opinions. In a classy defiant act, i don't bother to retaliate or explain myself of my acerbic wit and eccentric persona. I subscribe to freedom of speech, and while i may be anti-conformist, i expose myself of who and what i am, without semblance of hypocrisy or curbing my thoughts just because it is not socially acceptable to do so. I say what i need to and i make no apologies for it.

Wouldn't i be fake if i sugarcoat my words and views? When people ask for your honest opinions, you don't tell them what they want to hear. You tell them what they should hear. If they find it derogatory, sorry but i never cared. Constructive criticism is essential, you know. I may be slammed and be labelled a bitch. But really, life is a bitch. You don't need a bitch to tell you that.

On an end note, i am extremely proud of myself in shedding excess weight off my body. I am pleased with how i look now. It is a far cry from five months ago, when i was plus 20kg heavier. The no-rice, white meat only, one meal a day diet proved to be truly effective. Also factor in my 2hour runs every day and a whole lotta self-reflection moments whenever i stumbled on pictures of fit guys with perfect bods. Then again, you just want to be a part of the hot guys society, la. Haa...

Holler to my fresh camp of deadly alliances - Parmesh, Lydia, Nora, Brigid, Faizal, Fafa...Thanks for dropping by in my life and making it a much colourful one to live in. You guys are wicked and a crazy bunch. :)))

I am almost ready to get over you. Give me just a little bit more time. Thank you for making me who i am today. You made me prove to you i can change myself just like how easy you'd changed your feelings for me. And definitely, an experience with you becomes my valuable education. God Bless. Take care and have a wonderful birthday later this month.

A Weekend Escapade

It was a brilliant day to come out and play. The sun tanned us to hues of bronze and golden brown, the late afternoon showers rendered respite from the blazin' heat, the ocean bed provided the sanctuary for us to wade in blissful escapism and the memorable moments shared among FIVE - priceless.

More pictures can be found in my Facebook page. :)

''A Golden Tan''

''Lifeguard On Duty''

''Baywatch Cast 2010''

''The Fabulous Five''

Model Behaviour

''Siloso Ambassadors''

Who: Me, Lydia, Nora, Faizal & Badiyah

What: Beach Party

When: 26th February 2010

Where: Siloso Beach Sentosa

Freaks of Nature

I have millions of thoughts racing in my mind right now.

Some things are regressing into dysfunctional mode, leaving me disconcerted. I want to revisit the relationship issue, but it has gotten old with time. But nary a change in my heart. Because despite the fruitless attempts to negate memories of someone from the past, i find myself feeling the loss overbearing. Guess i am not macho afterall.

I am defenceless against the power of love. Yes, i am still in love with my ex.

Some inane issues were harvested from a certain airline that i was supposedly to be hired in. I had to contend with the melodrama that entails. In fact, i am frustrated about the perpetual inconveniences that the company has inundate us. You have sorely miscalculated amd misconstrued your concept of Eddie Yusoff.

I wasn't hired at the final stages because you figured i will be too intelligent for your scam. You figured right you bigots. Who pays an upfront bond of several thousands to be a cabin crew? I heard from the grapevine you are still weaving your Disney Princess Fairytale around those whom you have selected. Now, the stories has been tweaked in the most blatant style and your antics over employment matter tried to infiltrate into gullible minds.

You are in it for a rude awakening. I am not going to watch my cabin crew aspirants, most of whom turned into close friends now, spiralled into your web of deceits. Your power of persuasion is abysmal. If you forget to remember, i was an officer of law not too long ago. I have orchestraed my own brand of investigation. And from what i have deduced, you're BUSTED.
BITCH.

By the way, thanks for the wonderful workshop that we had attended. Spectacular. Because you gave me 30 strangers-turned-fortified alliances now. Oh, i applied because it was a random job advertisement that i came across. You think i harboured lifelong dream to be employed in your company? Wrong again. Remember your blueprints, honey. You're no SIA. Lastly, i hate your ludicrous motivational talk. It bores me to death. Why do you think i wasn't participating? Think.

My endearing buddies from the workshop...

The most dubious honour for the most catastrophic event goes to the breakdown of my car. Fortunately, it decided to pull a Naomi Campbell's diva tantrum at the carpark of my place of residence. Turns out the battery has depleted every bit of its strength. I cannot imagine the dire situation i will be caught in if the car gets stuck in some ERP carpark somewhere. And to think the night before, FIVE of us took a spin in my car and trawled forbidden territories. What if we were stranded in some cemetery? Sexy.

I am seemingly irate towards the latest season of Survivor - Heroes Vs Villians. The good guys are such weaklings, getting annihilated by the dark forces in quick succession. But it is such a delectable show that keeps me on the edges of my seats. I love the outwit, outplay and outlast slogan. Oh such psychological thriller. READ ABOVE about the airline issues for reference.

Then, i am fraught with unemployment this very moment. I want to get a job pretty much within a week or so. I am left with little choice. School will re-open in a couple of months and i have fees to settle. The misery. I have absolutely no qualms in spending to the last dollar of my salary towards my studies. I can forgo the lavish meals and shopping is never my hobby. Which i why it is a worthy investment when you wager your pay for the benefit of the reward a qualification will reap at the end of the day.

And to add more than what i could finish on my plate, what does one do when people from different directions take the similar trait leading to me? Confessions abound lately. Some gracious souls took a liking on me and harboured hopes of a requited love. Frankly speaking, i wouldn't fend off anyone who tries to get acquainted with me a little deeper. I believe in giving chances and exploring new depths of relationships. But right now, it is overwhelming.

I wouldn't rule out dating. They can always try. But whether i am moved by the sincerity and unwavering flags of love held up by them or not, only my heart has the answers. Soldier on, fighters. March your battles into my fortress and win to set my heart free. Wee.

I HEART U

Hi,

I hope you are doing just fine. Honestly, there isn't a day where i do not think of you. We didn't make it past this wonderful day today, but you will always remain, & have a place in my heart. And for that, i will celebrate the memories we've made.

I will always love you. Take care.

I MISS U, H. :(((

Bad Fiction

Hola.

This is prolly the longest sabbatical that i've taken. I can't help it i guess. It's the first month of the year and things needs to run in order. But so far so good. Everything is going at clockwork pace and finally, i am able to breathe easy.

This week was somewhat gruelling. I had attended a TWO-day workshop on life in general. Suffice to say, it was a breakthrough for some participants. It entails exorcising one's demon, clearing out our closets, hanging our dirty laundry, obliterating emotional baggages, engaging in confessional sessions and regaining faith in oneself.

In retrospect, i would deduce it to be a soul-searching session - where removing boundries, reaching for the sky and becoming a fighter in the face of adverseries and challenges. The one lesson that i have taken from the experience is indefinitely the part of learning from falling. I am unable to share whatever that has transpired in the seminar room because it is unethical to exploit people and their weaknessess.

But one thing i can say is it has been a rude awakening. Everyone has undergone a certain stage of trauma perhaps at least once in their lives and i salute these brave souls for coming forth and acknowledging their harrowing past and resoluting to resolve malignant issues - in tears, humility and pride being compromised.

I am the eternal optimist. Well most of the time. If you had read my blog, you would know how in weakness i found strength, my unwavering belief in how things happen for a reason, why i fervently believe in every experience is an education and a slew of motivational phrases to see me through my life. I wish for the light to shine in your hearts, guys. I feel blessed to be acquainted with every single one of you.

Well, for the uninformed, i am in the midst of undergoing several rounds of interviews with a certain airline, to be a cabin crew. I have braved and escape unscathed the last THREE rounds already and the day of reckoning is looming. The workshop, which we were put through was reportedly to be the FOURTH interview where assessment would be made to filter the potential ones from the ill-calibred.

For the first time in my life i am besieged by agnostic feeling. I am earnest in scoring the job as this is prolly the one job that i have heavily-invested in. As in undergoing the several rounds of interviews, the incredulous amount of time and money involved, the preparations and consistent personal grooming and also the need to exercise intelligence and impress our potential employer at our best ability.

I believe i have dispayed my tenacity, competency, consistency and confidence throughout. But on the other hand, this is one industry where everyone tends to be cuthroat and would go to extremes in snagging the job. But should i get the boot for the final cut, i won't be dejected. I mean out of how many hundreds and maybe thousands that came for the interview, i am part of the elite few that remains.

We are in the dark of the results and from the grapevine, all of us are the chosen ones. We need no bad fiction. We want cold hard facts. So drop the bomb on us. We want to touch the sky. Plus, it would be awesome to have my profession read - Flight Attendant. :)))

Can't disclose much for now. Comeback for seconds soon.

The Greatest Life

Welcome to the turn of a brand new decade.

I am compeled to reinvent and refurbish my blog's layout, furnish it with robust colours and more. However, i resolute not to because i am unable to churn creative essences at the moment. Ha.

I have not written a note of resolutions this time around. It is overstated anyway. The only thing new is the year, but most people remain true to who and what they are without any semblance of change or self-realisation. Instead of fervently collecting potential aspirations in my head, i want to look back and reflect the last decade and how well i have utilised my time while living through it.

If there is a greatest hits album to document the trails of it, its tracklist would be something like this :

2000 - The year i undertook my GCE 'O' Level, in secondary Five. This is possibly one of the most integral year of my life because of the major exam and how i have left behind my teenage years behind along with the whimsical scribbles on the classroom's desk of mine and the beginning of the transition from boy to man.

Oh how i have imbued a part of me - writing history in Springfield Secondary by being the Talentime's Millenium Champion. I have left behind some talents and 'footprints' at the walkway of the door. The win is especially a grandeur moment because year 2000 was the swansong for my school in organizing the singing competition. Needless to say, i had made a name for myself by being the last champion before the scrapped of the event.

2001 - The lowest point of my life has this year to thank. When i failed to pass through an audition round for my enrolment to LaSalle's Theatre Studies course and having SIM withdrawing its Diploma in English Studies course because of lack of students enrolment, i turned to hiatus and led a life of monotony by simply taking the year off to gather my act together.

The one other damage it has done is to render me overweight and have a lackadaisical approach to a healthy lifestyle. I bucked up and was fortunately able to furiously shed the flabs upon realizing the distinguished NS enlistment letter would come by any moment and that i would need to adopt fitness in order to withstand the harsh environment of military life.

2002 - I was called up to serve my National Service with the Singapore Armed Forces. It was an amalgamation of fear, anticipation, excitement and frustration on how the whole tenure is going to metamorph me, be it for the betterment or otherwise. But, I came out of it a fighter and i have forged everlasting brotherhood with fellow soldiers right up till today.

I have learned so much from the SAF and i am 100% in support of National Service being made mandatory for able-bodied young men of this Lion City. It has played its role in shaping who i am today. Salute.

2003 - Still in first year of military life. Nothing significant transpired apart from the routine balls-carrying and boot-licking of officers and snooty rank-cazy sergeants in trade for off days and pleasant treatment, the silent misery and agonizing countdown until the end of National Service, the relentless bouts of performances for the festive and unit celebrations all year round...It's nothing contradictory. While it can be gruelling at times, overall everything has been eventful.

My very first exposure with the campy gay & transgender community comes from the flamboyant characters existing in my army unit. It truly opened my eyes and made me realized how people of the third, fourth & fifth kind can co-exist in our society without being discriminated against and looked at with degenerative standpoint.

2004 - The year of ORD. I prolly did so many things for this one whole year soon after i got released from active duties in SAF. It means to be an NS Man, for the uninitiated.

I had landed a job with the Singapore Police Force four months after ORD. This was also the year i partake in the inaugural season of Singapore Idol. Didn't get very far, and was pragmatic about participating, lest my audition clip would be made a national farce. But i persevered and camped out outside Suntec City, among thousands. The singular reason for me in having the bravado to audition would be the niggling thoughts inhabiting - on how i would look back in regret later in my life, lamenting on the things i didn't do then. It was the experience that i get to keep. Nevermind i couldn't get far in the competition.

2005 - As i have a penchant for media-related things, i applied to study in MDIS, for its Diploma in Mass Communications. I earnestly urge those who are keen to study media to pursue Mass Comm studies. Because Mass Comm itself has branches of sub-field of studies. For instance - Journalism, Marketing, Advertising, Social Behavioural, TV & Radio Production...You can always find your niche in any of these modules and further enhance your specialization of chosen field in the future. The other TWO reasons why i picked MDIS would be its affiliation with Singapore Airlines and Mediacorp. And that it being the second biggest private school in Singapore.

2006 - It was a tumultuous year. My dearest aunt succumbed to cancer and the whole family was devastated. It was especially hard on me to accept as i had lost a guardian who had raised me for the most part of my life. I refuse to wallow now because i figure it is true what they say about earth may have lost a soul but heaven has gained an angel.

The other key event prior to my aunt's demise would be my birthday party, organized at a grand scale. Think drag performers, literal transformation of a chalet into a club setting - complete with smoke machine, strobe and disco lights, radical sound systems and a king's feast of buffet.

2007 - The year was quite substantial because i obtained my driver's licence after a few attempts and in a span of four months, purchased my first and very own four-wheelers.

Apart from the couple of holidays (KL, Bangkok) and cruise getaways organized by my division's cohesion activities, nothing much happened during the year. Not that i can remember any.

2008 - The year i resigned from the Singapore Police Force, after FOUR years of service.

It was a pretty solid year too, partly due to my birthday - 20th August - 2008, which was in tangent with the year 2008. Which means then the date was 2008/2008.

2009 - I honestly don't know what to make of the year. It was nowhere insipid, But it wasn't that happening too. It was fraught with such delectable, twisted and warped turn of events. The world economic downturn has somewhat played a consequential role in my life - by rendering misfortunes in my job search.

An extra-ordinary brand of love found me after a short respite from previous relationships. It was beautiful, nothing i have ever felt before. But all clouds of fantasies broke, when my partner walked out on me after a few trying months, leaving me heartbroken right till this very moment. I mourn for thee and will always keep these spectacular moments in my heart. How i wished for thee to comeback and call me love once more.

I had come to a point in life during the year that i have fully grown up, capable of making decisions, determined to make good of life, think beyond logic and reason, being comfortable of who i really am, emerging as an intrepid human being, accepting my flaws and in the process, discovering my strengths.

On a fluttery note, i had graduated from MDIS with my Diploma, qualified myself to study in Temasek Polytechnic and i was blessed to be given a buddy companion - for the numerous times i had mentioned his name - read previous posts, will you?

I lost some weight because of your motivation. Hee...

For the beginning of a brand new year, i have not drawn any resolutions. I prolly won't for the this year, as i would want to witness events unfold before my eyes. Indeed i am conscientious on what i want in life. But there are still dreams i have yet to fulfil. And until i have gotten the dreams of yesterday out of the way, perhaps then i would be able to catch the light & hope of the fantabulous new year.

They say, if you don't remove the baggage in your heart and mind, then obviously there won't be any more free space to hoard new things. Just in case i forget, here is my lifelong list of things i want to achieve, yet again : -

1) Complete my Diploma in Police Studies 2) Get featured in The Sunday Times Hot Bod Series (Wee!) 3) Perfect overseas getaways with my buddy/friends 4) Take part in TV's reality programs 5) Find & fall in love, & maybe get married and have children and the works 6) Achieve a desirable tanned, lean and toned swimmer's body 7) Upgrade to an MPV car - a Kia Carens possibly 8) Get employed in a dream job that pays well 9) Obtain a master's by the time i hit 35 10) Be somebody and have the ability to inspire & touch lives.

Cheers to 2010.